To have told DH to get the fuck off me?

[Probablynotright]

It’s not like me but Saturday mornings are a massive stress as swimming is early and we’re always late which pisses me off as it’s really expensive and I feel it makes us look bad.

So this morning is the usual chaos despite me being up since 6 and it looked like we might make it on time - I asked DH to pass me something and he kicked it towards me (an item of clothing) and then started giggling at my face. He then came over and started cuddling me and trying to kiss me and I hissed to get the fuck off me.

I know it was an overreaction but he does wind me up so much when we’re rushing.

I get people would do things differently but either way DD can’t take herself there . She’s been doing lessons since she was a baby and stopping them because DH stood in my way seems mental to me.

Anything optional that is causing stress every week is not worth it IMO. Wait until the youngest is 4 if you can't all make it out the door on time or go swimming in the local pool where you can get there whenever you like.

Op, I’m 45 years married. Don’t over think it. He annoyed you, you retaliated, you’ve spoken to him about it, it’s done. Hopefully he’s learned something from it.
These things happen in all walk of life, it’s all part of life’s tapestry.

What are you on about? "fitting your life to suit someone else"?

Swimming lessons for tiny children who need adults in the pool early on Saturday morning are a pointless endeavour and expense. It's causing you to be stressed and unhappy.

I have no idea why you'd continue putting yourself through it.

Seriously so we all stay in all weekend every weekend because otherwise ‘stress’? Sorry, I’m not meaning to sound antagonistic but I think that’s crazy. I also am reluctant to lose our weekend slot for swimming and I can’t believe people think that’s a reasonable suggestion because DH can’t be arsed!

can he stay at home with the one who doesnt go in?

I’ve thought about that - maybe. But he’s not great with the baby.

@Probablynotright you don't need to "stay in at the weekend". Just stop the lessons (if she has been doing them since a baby surely she can swim) and go to a family fun swim session in the afternoon.

Nobody has said that though have they OP.

Other activities exist.

Go do something more worthwhile and less stressful as a family later in the day.

Go for a walk and a lunch together with the money you save from pointless swimming lessons.

Why does it HAVE to be swimming lessons?

It sounds like one of the DC isn’t swimming, is that right? (If so, why take them to the pool at all?) If not, are you sure one of you can’t just deal with both DC if these are actual supervised swimming lessons?

Our DC had swimming lessons when younger too, sometimes early (eg 8am on a Sunday 🥲), and hated them. We let them quit when they got to a reasonable standard and are much happier now.

Have just seen, baby doesn’t swim. If DH can’t get out of the house on time, just how bad is his care of the baby when looking after him/her for an hour or so?!

Glad it's not just me 🤣

Swimming lessons weren’t really “ a thing” when my 3 were little . I taught mine . I used to go with a couple of other Mums and their DC .
Is it not an option to teach them yourself ?

No, she can’t swim yet. I appreciate some of you may so things differently which is fine but I don’t want to stop swimming lessons at the moment.

@Probablynotright no offense but if she has been doing swimming lessons since a baby and still can't swim then they can't be very good lessons.

Then DH takes eldest swimming and you stay home with the baby?

OR continue to martyr yourself. It's your life.

Or is it more that you've picked a shit one to procreate with and now your having to lay in the bed you made?

You're clearly the MiL 😂

Thankfully not 😂

Then he needs to practice during the week while you are there as backup so he can manage a few hours on a Saturday morning.

A father should be able to parent single handedly. This is your main problem right now.

Edit - just realised you are only late when DH is with you. Does he normally sabotage your plans?

He sounds a shit father and partner to me. Can't look after his own child, Can't support his dw getting out of the house on time. Bet if it matters to him he's on time. He's a selfish arse from the sound of it and I'd be tempted to tell him to fuck off permanently

Winding someone up for your own amusement and to exert control is sometimes called 'bullying'.

If he deliberately does this when you are 'weakened' by being under pressure then you need to say that you've noticed he does this, and you wonder why he chooses to do it then, and that 'I don't like it and it doesn't make me feel good'.

I'm not 'proud' of swearing or think it's something to aspire to. But some of us just see swearing as using words to communicate something. Not everyone thinks swear words are deeply shocking. They're just words. I would hate to have a partner who would be shocked/offended if I said a swear word as if I was a 5yo!

Quite. There's a lot of money being made from parents taking small babies to things like "swimming" lessons so that they can get the money shot of the baby "swimming" wide eyed underwater. They weren't really a thing when mine were little. Neither were baby yoga, baby massage, baby music "classes" etc. I think Tumble Tots was the only organised thing going and only a minority of people took their toddlers to them. Surely most kids go to nursery these days and get all the stimulation they need there? So many overscheduled little ones these days, it's no wonder they can't relax as they get older and the number of kids with ADHD is increasing.

OP, you could save yourselves a lot of hassle, stress and money by getting rid of any swimming lessons where you have to be in the water yourself, and simply taking the children with you when it's convenient for YOU as a family. Leave the proper swimming lessons till they're around 4 or from whenever you can just watch from the sidelines as they are taught the correct techniques.

Honestly, people are creating stress for themselves and then coming on MN to complain it's causing issues at home. I think dads ARE more laidback about activities stuff for very young kids because they're less concerned than women are with what they think they SHOULD be doing or trying to keep up with parenting trends that women watch on social media.

Woah. So you all 4 stress yourselves to get to a swimming lesson for 1 child because 1 parent is incapable of looking after a baby???

This makes no sense.

And no, the options aren't only either all 4 going or doing absolutely nothing on a weekend.

Normal, healthy families...

1. Both parents are able to look independently after their children
2. Don't hiss at each to fuck off
3. Don't need all 4 to go for 1 child to swim

If your husband can't look after his child on his own, then your problems are far bigger than blooming swimming.