To have told DH to get the fuck off me?

[Probablynotright]

It’s not like me but Saturday mornings are a massive stress as swimming is early and we’re always late which pisses me off as it’s really expensive and I feel it makes us look bad.

So this morning is the usual chaos despite me being up since 6 and it looked like we might make it on time - I asked DH to pass me something and he kicked it towards me (an item of clothing) and then started giggling at my face. He then came over and started cuddling me and trying to kiss me and I hissed to get the fuck off me.

I know it was an overreaction but he does wind me up so much when we’re rushing.

He’s identified you being stressed as the problem and tried to resolve it by being playful. Thing is, that’s not the problem. The problem is getting the kids ready on time.

You’re angry because effectively he was sabotaging your attempts to get the dc to their class on time rather than helping. Had he done anything to help?

Worth talking to him about Saturdays when you are both more relaxed

Is it really unjustified to tell someone to get out of your personal space when you’re rushing and stressed? Seriously, it doesn’t have to mean her husband is a sex pest, but it’s immature behaviour at best. ‘Oh my wife is irritated and I’m already causing more stress by kicking clothes about. I know, I’ll kiss her so I know I’m lovely and making physical affection the priority over getting out the door’. The excuses some make over men crossing boundaries or denying other women theirs is shocking at times.

My DH isn’t always good at picking up on (very obvious) cues that I don’t want him to mess about when I’m stressed. He used to then go into a sulk as “he was only trying to have fun” but we’ve since had conversations about this and me saying to him very clearly what I need from him which has helped

It’s shocking that in a relationship, it’s very normal for one person to try and kiss the other? What a depressing relationship to be in.

Yes, the timing wasn’t ideal, but it didn’t justify swearing.

My boyfriend does this to me sometimes, starts trying to hug and kiss me when I'm stressed and needing to focus on the kids! Drives me insane! YADNBU

The swearing really depends on the relationship. Me and my boyfriend swear at each other all the time. It really isn't that deep atall.

I've just called my DH a knob as he wouldn't go for a wee for me.....

Relationships, language, behaviour etc are all different for everyone. My DH has genuinely just laughed at the majority of these replies saying that swearing was unreasonable.

OP, your DH was being a child at the worst time. You said what you felt, it's fine.

It wasn’t the time to try and get in a kiss though. He could have been doing several other things but he chose to try and kiss the op, for what reason? Take up her time? Control the situation in his way? Control her physicality with his? It was an inappropriate response on his behalf to the ongoing situation, life isn’t a Hollywood movie were all the stresses of the world disappear with a sweet romantic moment. But the biggest thing take from it is her reacting to his inappropriate behaviour with a swear word when asserting a boundary. It’s just a word, as much as ‘get off me’ is. She would have still be angry however she stated it, and with good reason.

Honestly on mumsnet if you swear at your partner you either hate them, you have a terrible marriage or you are controlling/abusive. Someone will be along shortly to ask you if you are peri-menopausal!

In reality he just doesn’t understand why the rush stresses you out so much, my DH is the same, hasn’t got a rush in him and never stresses about it! You overreacted but it would piss me off too.

Something needs to change here. These early morning sessions aren't working. It's not normal to be snarling and swearing at someone you are supposed to love,

My DH has genuinely just laughed at the majority of these replies saying that swearing was unreasonable.

Ok

Totally agree with this . I am also waiting for someone to ask if anyone has ADHD etc ?

I’m like you, focused on the task and want to get it done and out of the way, distractions make me forget things or make mistakes. No Nd or ADHD, at least I don’t think so, and I’m definitely not Peri, not at 75.

OP. I’ve hissed all kinds of stuff to dh in 45 years of marriage, mostly under my breath and he’s done the same to me. I’ve shouted “Shut the Fuck up” once or twice. “Fuck off”now and again, sometimes in jest, sometimes I really do mean Fuck Off. Piss Off works as well. The Finger or even Two fingers can say more than words.

He’s survived, he’s still here, upstairs bumbling about making the bed while I’m mumsnetting. 😆
Give him a job to help with the preps for swimming, roll her towel up or pack her bag. Clear the table…Anything, keep him occupied. Swearing in a relationship doesn’t mean it is doomed.

It’s not normal to be physical with someone (yes even in a ‘romantic’ way) when they’re stressed and in a rush. I can’t believe how many people are having a go at the op for swearing like she’s a stroppy teen when it was obviously a reaction to her husbands out of line behaviour. At what point would she be ok to tell him to get the fuck off her in this situation? An unwarranted kiss is just fine, so where’s the line?

Well, unless this is the way you usually speak to each other then I think YABU to hiss and swear at him over something relatively minor, even if he is annoying you. I think you overreacted.

I’m not saying that continuously running late for swimming lessons isn’t annoying or something you’d want to address, but I still think YABU.

I would be very hurt if my DH did that to me, regardless of the situation. I think he’d be upset if I did it too. It’s just not how I would speak to him, as we generally don’t swear at each other. I think I’d have to be extremely angry with him to react like that. Obviously if you commonly hiss and/or swear at each other, it may be less of an issue between you.

Are you really annoyed about something else in your relationship? Sometimes overreactions reflect issues elsewhere in the relationship and just spill over. In which case, I think you’d be better off addressing those issues head on, rather than sniping about small things.

Give him a job to help with the preps for swimming, roll her towel up or pack her bag. Clear the table…Anything, keep him occupied.

She is neither his boss nor his mother, he should be seeing these jobs need doing himself if he needs to keep his hands busy 🙄

You're over stressed and lashing out - he's trying to defuse and misjudging. You need to look at the real problem and see exactly what is preventing you from being ready on time. Why is the morning chaos? How much can you get ready the night before so the morning is quick and easy?

This says it perfectly.

Why do swimming lessons early on a Saturday! Mine are grown up now but sat mornings were for chilling after a busy week.

Yanbu because I can picture the scene exactly. Kids are being slow, you're stressed and rushing around, shouting about getting shoes on and coats, your DH tries to lighten the mood by being silly when actually he just needs to fucking help. I'd have felt intense irritation too.

I get why you said it, it sounds so stressful. Does he help out with swimming sometimes? Or other activities? Can you change swimming to a later time?

I'm astounded that anyone thinks it's okay to hiss at the person you're supposed to love and be a team with to "get the fuck off me".

"Not now" would do the job perfectly well. Followed with a joint plan to reduce the Saturday morning swimming stress.

I hated my ex husband, but I never resorted to speaking to him like that.

^^ Wisdom.

Thanks for replies. I think @Pizzalover46 and @Rjahdhdvd have explained it quite well. I think a major ‘problem’ if you like is I’m wanting to get everything gathered up and someone physically preventing you from doing so - even though it’s not ‘horrible’ is just so bloody annoying. I have apologised and it’s not a massive deal, he does know I’m under a lot of pressure at the moment and it was just really not a good time to grab hold of me!

I mean saying F off is harsh.... but in my relationship I am the organised stress head, panicky one and my husband is a chilled laid back goof ball.

So we've had plenty of times I've been rushing and stressed and he's playing silly buggers or trying to make me laugh and I've snapped....

As long as you apologise and for the love of god change the swimming time to something more doable. I got rid of 8.30am swimming lessons on a Saturday morning and I'm currently say eating toast watching crap tele and loving my Saturday chill morning!