To have told DH to get the fuck off me?

[Probablynotright]

It’s not like me but Saturday mornings are a massive stress as swimming is early and we’re always late which pisses me off as it’s really expensive and I feel it makes us look bad.

So this morning is the usual chaos despite me being up since 6 and it looked like we might make it on time - I asked DH to pass me something and he kicked it towards me (an item of clothing) and then started giggling at my face. He then came over and started cuddling me and trying to kiss me and I hissed to get the fuck off me.

I know it was an overreaction but he does wind me up so much when we’re rushing.

We've all been there and I'd leave the baby at home, whether with you or your partner. I know you don't want to hear it but you did post in AIBU.

I'd have some sympathy in reverse too...my partner insists that we all go out for my daughter's swimming lesson. It makes Saturday mornings really stressful as I'd rather we split the parenting duties and one of us stays with the baby.

@Probablynotright aibu is renowned for the pile ons. Sorry it’s making you feel more crap when you’ve had a bit of a crap morning.

The going swimming is not the issue (of course you want your DC to learn the life skill of being able to swim), it’s the dick head husband kicking clothes at you so unnecessarily when you are trying to get a family of four out the door.

If my DH did that and then giggled in my face i’d want to bloody rip his head off. If he then tried to cuddle and kiss me? That is a variation of the cycle of do something negative and immediately follow that with something positive leaving you no time to process and react to the former. Well, I’d be fuming and doubly wanting to rip his head off because I’d be thinking why can’t he see that I’m trying to get us out the door on time and why can’t he help do that. His behaviour would feel incredibly undermining and selfish.

IMO whilst you’ve apologised already, he also needs to listen to you and act as a team to get the family up and out the door and not be a dickhead.

So stop responding if you think everyone is being unhelpful and is only giving "crazy" alternatives.

I get that you don't want to change the Saturday morning routine.

So I guess the only option would be to sit down with your husband, not in the heat of a stressful moment, and explain exactly how you feel, and what you need from him.

That you really want to continue with the Saturday morning swimming, but that you are finding it stressful with all the rushing, and that you need him to be more helpful and supportive, and stop arsing about when you're trying to get everyone ready.

I would tell him he needs to get a grip and accept some of the responsibility for getting there on time. I would also tell him that going forward he's going to have to be more involved in the baby's care, because you should be able to leave your child with their own parent for a few hours, if you want to.

Ok, so you clearly don’t want suggestions on how to change things, fair enough.

So what exactly is it that would help you feel supported? Did you just want to blow off some steam about your DH being an idiot?

OP doesn't want to cancel swimming.

She wants to be able to get up and get to swimming on time without her husband sabotaging her efforts by being a useless twat.

We know that.

But given she can't control his behaviour, people were offering suggestions on how to make things easier for her, that's all.

Also maybe he doesn't want to be up and out on Saturday too. He doesn't like it clearly. But it's what the OP wants. A 2 year old isn't bothered if they go to lessons or not.

Yes, I did wonder if he was playing up because he didn't actually want to go.

Obviously that's still shit behaviour but lots of people don't want to be up and out of the house first thing on a Saturday morning.

Especially not if they've been up and out all week at work.

But OP won't be told by anyone and has schooled all of us and hissed at her husband to get the fuck off her.

Shows how things work in their house that everything is her choice.

I think get on the waiting list for a later class.
we have the last session of the day- 5pm! Home then it’s tea time. Perfect.
done the early Saturday morning swimming before. Never again.

OK then, so the OP is being completely unreasonable for hissing 'get the fuck off me' at her DH because she can't organise herself to go to something optional that she bull headedly insists on doing.

There we go. Sorted.

OK so you are determined that the Saturday morning swimming, as a whole family stays as A Thing.
That is fine.

Why are you rushing around, why aren't you getting as much as possible ready the evening before. Even putting stuff in the car. And then your DH must step up and help you act like a parent and make sure that you all get out on time?

The other thing though, is this insistance that he can't settle the baby. I have to say my eyes glazed over a few times - how old is the baby? For all your sakes he needs to learn how to parent his children without you being there.

I fail to understand why your 'D' P is being such a clown to be frank.

Have you asked him why he's making your life difficult?

The problem is the husband sabotaging the plan.

Has HE said he doesn't want to go?

Or has he just been dicking around rather than being a grown-up?

It is not unreasonable to want your child to learn how to swim!

I think everyone is in agreement about that, but given that OP can only control her own actions, people are just suggesting ways to make her life easier without relying on her (apparently pretty useless) husband.

But given she can't control his behaviour, people were offering suggestions on how to make things easier for her, that's all

None of the suggestions were about making her life easier.

All the suggestions were about her giving up an activity she enjoys doing because of her husband's twattishness.

That would make HIS life easier. Because then he wouldn't have to parent his own baby for an hour.

OK then, so the OP is being completely unreasonable for hissing 'get the fuck off me' at her DH because she can't organise herself to go to something optional that she bull headedly insists on doing

This is an absolutely insane take.

How is asking your husband to look after his child for an hour so that you can do an activity of your choice 'bull-headedly insisting on doing something'?

Anyone would think I was wanting to spend a morning learning circus tricks or lion taming or something.

I don’t think DH minds going - the fact he’s never offered to stay at home trying to get a fussy baby to nap is probably indicative that he knows he’s got a cushy number.

I do appreciate the support and those of you who think I’m in the wrong, I accepted on the second page I was wrong to swear and get angry. However, I don’t think I was wrong to be annoyed. DH does often try to grab me at moments that aren’t great - children crying and I’m rushing around seem to prompt him to hug me and kiss me. And it comes form a ‘nice’ place but I hate it and could probably do with a conversation.

I've reread OP's posts and ok, understand you want to keep up swimming with DD1. However I still don't understand why the whole family have to go out early on Saturday morning when only the 2 year old is going swimming and only one parent is needed to be in the pool with her.

It it because you don't drive, OP, so need your DH to drive you there and drop you and DD1 off? Or is solely down to him not being able to get the baby to nap? Are you saying that if the baby was with DH at home then she wouldn't nap? And that the journey to the swimming lesson is long enought that she would fall asleep in the car on the way? Does DH then go to a drive through Maccies and sits in the car eating it while she sleeps? And then goes back to pick you and DD1 up? You seem to be trying to make out that you're doing DH a favour by giving him chill time but he's still driving you around early in the morning and sitting waiting for you in the car.

If you DO drive, it would make far more sense for you to take DD1 swimming - as you say you are better at being organised when it's just you and the kids. Leave DH at home with the baby and he will learn to settle DD2 for a nap, hopefully without resorting to driving around in the car to get her to sleep! If she REALLY doesn't nap then can't you drive DD1 home from swimming, you can feed the baby and THEN all go out to the nearest park all 4 of you and DD2 can nap in the pram?

I get that DH was annoying you a bit but the whole "bustling morning routine" at a weekend is also annoying to him I'm sure, if he doesn't think it's necessary but he's being forced to do it by you. You also say that yu're feeling under a lot of pressure generally at the moment so it's clear that the whole way of doing things on Saturday mornings isn't working too well.

How is asking your husband to look after his child for an hour so that you can do an activity of your choice 'bull-headedly insisting on doing something'?

What's the issue is that he gets no choice in how he looks after the baby for an hour. OP is insistent that he does it her way. Which is insane. Unless he is needed to drive the car. In which case perhaps OP should learn to drive? There'll be even more kids activities and parties to do every weekend once DC1 starts school.

@CurlyhairedAssassin … I have explained this but I’ll try again.

’The whole family’ isn’t the Radfords or something. It’s me, DH and DD1 (nearly 3) plus DD2, 3 months.

DD2 doesn’t settle well for anyone really but I sometimes can settle her, though not for long naps. She will sleep well when on the move like lots of babies including the car.

So we all go to the swimming lesson in one car. DD2 naps, I swim with DD1 and while I’m doing that DH goes and gets some breakfast for himself. Then we all have a walk on the park of the weather is OK.

The alternative is leaving DD2 with DH. She doesn’t nap and cries, DH is stuck with s crying baby and I have to come straight back after the lesson to feed her and she’s an overtired grouchy mess, DD1 js upset because she didn’t get to go to the park and DH hasn’t had breakfast.

Honestly - why do some of you think that’s the better solution? I really don’t understand and I don’t mean that in a PA MN ‘I just don’t understaaaaand’ way, I genuinely am not seeing why leaving DD2 at home with DH is the ‘better’ solution.

And DH is free to say ‘I don’t want to go swimming, shall I stay home with DD2 while you go with DD1?’

He hasnt, because he knows he’d just be stuck for an hour and a half minimum with her crying!

Honestly - why do some of you think that’s the better solution? I really don’t understand and I don’t mean that in a PA MN ‘I just don’t understaaaaand’ way, I genuinely am not seeing why leaving DD2 at home with DH is the ‘better’ solution.

In fairness, you didn't explain the breastfeeding issue until over halfway through the thread