To have told DH to get the fuck off me?

[Probablynotright]

It’s not like me but Saturday mornings are a massive stress as swimming is early and we’re always late which pisses me off as it’s really expensive and I feel it makes us look bad.

So this morning is the usual chaos despite me being up since 6 and it looked like we might make it on time - I asked DH to pass me something and he kicked it towards me (an item of clothing) and then started giggling at my face. He then came over and started cuddling me and trying to kiss me and I hissed to get the fuck off me.

I know it was an overreaction but he does wind me up so much when we’re rushing.

Out of nosiness

what time did the lesson start?

I don’t think how you reacted was ideal, but it does sound like you’ve simply reached the end of your tether with his messing about. I don’t think you would have said it at all if he was usually on the ball and ready to leave on time each week. Do you feel like you should be able to depend on him to help you, but actually it’s just like dealing with another child? And, if so, have you asked him to think about choosing his moments and understanding that kicking things at you while you’re stressed about being late is never going to result in a kiss or cuddle? And that if he sorted himself out to leave five minutes early each week, you’d willing spend those extra few minutes having a laugh with him?

If that isn’t working, do you have a car each? Or one family car? If you have a car each, then I’d be inclined to take DD swimming and get your DH to meet you there when he’s finished sodding about/having a last minute poo etc. The baby can nap in his car and he can join you in the park to watch DD play. You’ll get her there on time and won’t feel stressed. He’ll get more practice settling the baby and can faff about as much as he likes.

Or could you tell him that you’re swapping the playing in the park so you do that before swimming? It won’t be so much of an issue if he’s messing about because you can just be on time for swimming and play in the park afterwards.

If some random people on MN are having such a detrimental effect on your MH then it's time to step away from the Internet...

I think the thing is that I’m trying to do right by both children. Going all together, DD1 gets to go swimming and (weather permitting) a run on the park, DH gets to have a bit of chill time and a McDs breakfast and DD2 gets to have a nap. So I get - happy exercised DD1, well rested happy DD2 and a chilled DH.

Leaving baby DD with DH means we have to go straight home after swimming, no park for DD1, no nap for DD2, no chill time for DH. And I’ve not really gained much as anything gained in leaving promptly is lost amidst the carnage when I come back!

"Farm it out to a grandparent or childminder" - seriously????

When the hell is your ‘chill time’ @Probablynotright ??

Can't he just stay at home with the other child or did I read that wrong. Only 1 child is swimming right?

True, nobody has said anything horrible but there are a lot of posters missing the point. The answer to ‘My husband is being a dickhead and making us late for swimming lessons’ is not ‘Well cancel the swimming lessons then, problem solved’. No wonder she’s getting frustrated.

Why do you need to go home after swimming if DH stays home? Can't you just take DD1 to the park and DH stays home with the baby?

Let him parent his baby. He'll be fine and so will she.

@Probablynotright good question when do you get to chill? Has your dh stepped up now and entertaining the children so you can relax. How much does he help around the house?

THIS is what people aren't grasping. Your routine works for you and your family. You didn't ask for suggestions or help figuring out your schedule or what you're doing wrong. You don't need to justify how you go about life to anyone on here. You can do it till you're blue in the face and still get the same twatty responses because people can't help themselves. Honestly OP, unless you're finding any of these suggestions helpful, think about getting off the thread.

@SoupDragon

yeah there's a difference. If he was genuinely trying to be affectionate I'd stop for a kiss or say, not now etc.

but if he's trying to be an annoying prat, I'd tell him to stop fucking doing that.

context is everything including whether he's actually pulling his weight or just loading around while I got DC & stuff ready for swimming.

She would need feeding @margotrose but honestly, what are we gaining from insisting that DD2 stays home with DH? It’s not making anyone’s life easier and it’s making mine harder. I don’t mean that to sound horrible it’s just that this happens a lot on here and people get caught up in the minutiae of posts with endless ‘well why can’t yous’ instead of accepting that we do what works best for us at the moment.

That is a good point

@Pizzalover46 cross post but yes, precisely!

But it will eventually make everyone’s lives easier. It just needs a couple of Saturdays for baby to settle and DH to get in to a routine

@Afteropening I’ll get over it. But it is incredibly wearing explaining x 30 why I have the audacity to go swimming.

Any routine which involves someone hissing fuck off isnt really “working” is it?

Oh come off it!! Someone posts in a moment of vulnerability, and gets character assassinated. It's not nice to be on the receiving end of that!!

@Probablynotright it's not working currently. You need to find a better way to do things. Of course you are trying to do right by your children. That's just being a good parent. But not to the detriment of your own mental health. Your DD won't even remember these swimming lessons in the fullness of time, and personally I think you are putting yourself under too much pressure.

I actually think you run the risk of putting her off. I've 3 adult children all of whom had swimming lessons for years. I fecking hated sitting by that roasting hot pool, but I had 9 years of it!!! All competent swimmers. Unless your DD is going to be a competitive swimmer, she doesn't need this level of teaching. And that is a massive commitment, as I know from friends.

If you want to take her, that's fine, but this level of stress is not good for you. You need some downtime too.

Your DH can chill at home with baby. He can get a Mickey D's delivered. Baby would probably sleep better there anyway. He gets one to one time with baby, and learns how to settle her better.

And why do you have to go straight home?

What I see here is you had a rant, you copped on you other half, tried to share it with allegedly like minded women, got flamed and then loads of unsolicited advice about how to change your weekend (cba to read the whole thread, I've just read your input). Yes, he was an arse! Yes, I would feel the same! It's good to get it out! Honestly, if these keyboard warriors were any less bored....! I've just spent an hour with a friend, dog walking and whinging a lot about men. We all have a whinge! I hope you can take from this that we feel your pain, and while I hate to say "men are useless" - sometimes, men are useless! I'd have reacted in the same way as you, and I'd have wanted to scream. Why behave like that if you know I'm already wound up?! Ignore the twats here who think they have - or that you wanted - a solution. I hope swimming is done and dusted for this week, and maybe if you tell the husband that actually, him messing about like that wasn't helpful and just wound you up - maybe he won't do it again! :) xx

No, it wouldn’t eventually make everyone’s life easier <sigh>

No breakfast for DH
No nap for DD2
No park for DD1 (or no feed for DD2!)

Id love to know how that’s easier on anyone but I’m sure I’ll be told. Over and over 🙄

I'd have hissed at him too, it's not that big a deal. He probably does it all the time and this morning was the final straw. My DH is like this too, he loves to grope at me and dance about, act silly and generally get in my way when I'm cooking or bleaching the bathroom etc. The timing is always terrible. I totally get where OP is coming from.

Everyone has their off days 😁

It left you thinking that your family would be better off without you. That’s a bit more than mildly irritated

I read it as not just the DH but also the baby ergo my solution was to cancel the little one's actual lessons and leave the "problems" at home. Of course the OP can't dream of doing this as the baby doesn't settle for DH etc.