Messaged my husband’s friend and shouldn’t have

[LiarLiarKnickersAblaze]

Dh came home absolutely bladdered this evening with six pints in him and no dinner. He collapsed over kitchen too, vomited on dining room table. Managed to manoeuvre him into bed where he was sick again despite my shoulder being fucked with an injury at the moment.

I’m due in London tomorrow morning, was meant to be leaving at the crack of dawn for long pre-arranged trip. Obviously not now as don’t feel safe leaving DD (8) alone in house when I don’t know when he’s going to wake up. I know she can make herself breakfast and watch TV but I wouldn’t feel right being on train to another city not knowing.

Anyway I was really crossed and WhatsApp’ed his friend/work colleague from his phone and asked how much he had drunk because I’ve never seen DH like this and said state DH was in and impact it was now having on me. Friend was sarky and rude.

I’m regretting this as DH will be cross when he finds out tomorrow. Just found it so bloody selfish but not his friend’s problem or fault.

So cross 😡

OP said she's worried about leaving her child with him because of the state he's in. I assume this must be bad? The little girl might want to play or go out at the weekend but can't if dad's asleep and grumpy (and isn't ill). My dad was tipsy once in a blue moon and my mum hasn't drank since having children so I wasn't brought up around alcohol culture. They were young parents too although loved to party before having children.

Just my opinion.

No even then it’s not ok, unless it’s her mate and she’s venting, that’s clearly not what happened or who he was, as the man was sarky about her behaviour. She was texting him telling him the impact on her and it’s still a work colleague of her husbands, there are no circumstances it’s ok to text him to bitch about your husband.

I feel that the OP has overreacted to this situation and her reaction to this is incredibly dramatic. Most people have overdone it at some point in their lives and as the OP said, a catalyst was the lack of dinner. Unless this behaviour is recurring, he's just had a few too many after a long day at work and the "man-child" remarks are a little harsh! OP should continue with her day as planned, I'm sure he will be absolutely fine, I would just ensure an alarm is set for a reasonable time.

However if I received a message like that from DP's friend I would be absolutely livid and would tell them to jog right on! This was particularly inappropriate as this friend is also his work colleague!!! OP needs to apologise to the friend as soon as possible if she doesn't want everyone at her DH's work having a laugh at her expense.

I don't see what you did wrong. Okay, its not his friend's "responsibility", strictly speaking, but he could have been drugged or had alcohol poisoning or something.

Honestly coming home so drunk you vomit/piss yourself is not normal behaviour for an adult. Maybe once or twice in college is excusable, before you know your limits.

I came home like this once (usually I am with DP if I find myself in this state) and he guided me into the house, got me some water and sat with me while I viciously vomited (secretly pissing myself a little each time because I'm old enough to know better) and I loved him so much that night and a little more after. We don't need to take the role of nagging mother so quickly. It happens to the best of us.

You need to message his friend apologising because you've scolded him too for no fault of his own.

A perfectly times cross post after my admission 😭😂😂😂

What you’re describing is horrible and abuse.

I didn’t do this. It came from a place of genuine shock and crossness, and a bit standing up for myself. Ask yourself, would your friends shitty ex feel bad about it afterwards/rant/confess on Mumsnet bc felt bad?

Your child is 8, a day of tv in her pjs will be fine if that is all dad feels up to. Don't be a martyr and not go, that would be silly.

Have a great day with your friend OP 😊

God, the bar is low for men, isn't it? He vomited on the table and in the bed. But that's fine-we've all done that! No. We haven't.

If it was any other night but the night before my day trip.

He’s been busy and prioritising work lately, DD and I have felt less important. I’ve been dealing with her behavioural issues and school pretty much single handedly. As with most of the posts here there is a back story of frustration.

I’ve booked a slightly later train but going

Text the friend to apologise and then go out and continue with your plans for the day. Why put your own plans on hold because of his selfish behaviour?

OP I lived with an alcoholic once and his friends constantly enabled him. It was infuriating. Yes the friend is not your problem but if he's already been rude to you, no, don't apologise. Neither to him nor to DH.

Who as others have said has been a prick and can sort himself out tomorrow. Don't cancel your day trip. And I hope your husband apologises.

@CurlewKate That's what I am saying! No, I can honestly say that neither myself nor my husband has been so drunk we vomited or pissed the bed as an adult, and I've never seen any of our friends get to that point on a night out.

Maybe I'm living a sheltered life.

Well done on reaching the right decision to go on your trip. Have a lovely day in London.

I personally wouldn't either, but if I've ever had too much it's been work Christmas parties where it's been cleared in the lead up that will be out of it the day after. I personally can't drink more than two without feeling it the next day. I don't judge DH, he's been in a lot of stress lately (as have I with work) but his choice of timing is shit.

Yabu, your friend is responsible for his own behaviour no one else, be annoyed at your dumb reckless selfish clown of a husband for getting in this state.

I agree about the Tv day, however DD has her hobby this afternoon and he needs to be sober to drive.

I have messaged a close best friend to set up a play date for this morning, so the least he can do is drop her off (walking) 1 min down the road.

For those who say I should let him suck up the shit of parenting on a hangover, my Dad was an alcoholic and although DH isn't (this level is unusual for him although not entirely unprecedented) I am sensitive about it around kids in a way others might not be if they'd hadn't had that experience.

This was it. Maybe I'm naive but I couldn't believe the state he was in.

This!

DP gets drunk a lot but never close to vomiting or pissing himself and I did once as a teenager and have stuck to 'never again'. We'd be in dealbreaker territory for sure if he did this more than once and wasnt apologetic the first time!

I would have no qualms about going out.

It's not like you're leaving him in charge of a baby, your dd will be fine. Tell him to get up and showered before you go, if he's not out of bed five mins before you leave Chuck a jug of cold water at him.

P.S. it wasn't just six pints. Just seen your update, enjoy your day out.

Add it to a long list of selfish behaviour recently. I was shocked at how drunk he was but cross at his choice of timing. I wouldn't be posting here pissed off if he'd done it Thursday or Sunday. It's the fact that he's had little regard for me that's been something I've been feeling a bit lately.

I don't think it's normal for two grown men to go to a pub that serves food and drink themselves stupid. They are both family men, although his kids are older, and DH would have told him about today.

As others have commented, likely a shot or two thrown in the mix.

On the flip side I would be livid if my DH messaged my friend if I behaved like this. If I posted that here I would be told to leave the controlling bastard so I fully accept the lens my behaviour throws on it. I won't do it again.

Let him get on with it, hungover.

They have already been read???