Messaged my husband’s friend and shouldn’t have

[LiarLiarKnickersAblaze]

Dh came home absolutely bladdered this evening with six pints in him and no dinner. He collapsed over kitchen too, vomited on dining room table. Managed to manoeuvre him into bed where he was sick again despite my shoulder being fucked with an injury at the moment.

I’m due in London tomorrow morning, was meant to be leaving at the crack of dawn for long pre-arranged trip. Obviously not now as don’t feel safe leaving DD (8) alone in house when I don’t know when he’s going to wake up. I know she can make herself breakfast and watch TV but I wouldn’t feel right being on train to another city not knowing.

Anyway I was really crossed and WhatsApp’ed his friend/work colleague from his phone and asked how much he had drunk because I’ve never seen DH like this and said state DH was in and impact it was now having on me. Friend was sarky and rude.

I’m regretting this as DH will be cross when he finds out tomorrow. Just found it so bloody selfish but not his friend’s problem or fault.

So cross 😡

Wake him up with a bucket of water 1 hour before you have to go. and do go, he will have t deal with it. How dare he?!

I would maybe message the friend and apologise, say you were just shocked especially as he is meant to have your daughter in the morning by himself. But obvs it’s not their fault.

No, not this! Don’t have someone else step in, or the DH will be grateful he got away with it. He has one job tomorrow!

A grown man is unlikely to be vomiting like that after six pints. I've seen a lot of men after they've had six pints. That's not six pint behaviour.

That said, what concerns me here is the following:

1. The OP worrying how he is going to react in the morning
2. The OP then martyring herself by staying home because she doesn't trust her husband to look after their child
3. Staying with shitbag husband who she doesn't trust

OP think hard about this.

I assume you cleaned up after him? You shouldn't have, and you shouldn't have let him into the shared bed . Don't you dare change your plans for tomorrow, dd will be fine. As for contacting the friend, maybe you overreacted, but they both behaved badly and apologizing now would be rather silly.

Come on...you called his friend? It was clear what had happened. I'm certain the friend didn't pour it down his throat. He made a bad decision and you had to suffer the consequences. Go on your trip. Your daughter will be fine.

Hell, if he were my DH I'd shake him awake before I walked out the door and say "I'm off on my preplanned day trip. DD has had breakfast & is in front of the telly. I've told her to come get you if she needs anything. Hope last night was worth it."

I cut no slack for people who come home shit faced when they have responsibilities the next day.

It may not be much good but you have 24 hours to delete the WhatsApp message.

Are you ok? Is he generally someone who makes you feel you have to walk on eggshells? Or is this a one off?

People telling OP to still go on the trip - how can she? And leave her child with that wanker? Coming home and being sick is so pathetic. You have a looser there I'm afraid

You text his friend 🤣 how is it his friends fault 🤣

@stonedaisy Her daughter is 8, she'll be fine.

He's had six pints and is in bed by half 11, why would he not be able to watch an 8 year old for the day tomorrow?? He might have a wee headache but surely he won't be incapacitated. Just wake him up half hour before you leave. I'm sure he can manage 😂

If your husband is annoyed that you messaged his colleague, I would use the excuse that you wondered if he was okay and whether they had been spiked. Please don’t change your day out.

I would definitely go on your trip. If you don’t, he’s messed up his own weekend, yours and the people you were due to meet. When you leave in the morning, take him a pint of water, cup of coffee, two paracetamol and say ‘cheerio I’m off, good luck with DD today, your vomit is still on the dining table so you’ll need to clean that up. You have a nice day now!!! Oh and I text Mike last night, he’s was really rude to me, but we can talk about that another time, you’ll have a lot on today. I’ve told DD you’ll take her to the park and do some arts and crafts. Must dash, the big smoke awaits!’ And I’d trounce out the door whilst smiling and flicking him my middle finger.

You don't understand what tragic means I see

Poor you! My DP has never come home drunk and it he was sick from it too I think I would consider murdering him. That’s so utterly gross 🤮

Also so selfish to get in that sort of state now when it’s supposed to be your day away. Hope he’s not this awful all the time.

It might not be the friends fault but you have the right to find out how much he had to drink if he’s in that kind of state.

Who cares if he’s cross - you’re angry and worried and he’s selfish and disgusting .

i would absolutely hate this, my mum was an alcoholic and I can’t stand adults that get like this when there are children around - even if they’re asleep - if there was an emergency in the night he wouldn’t be able to help. It’s so irresponsible, especially if it’s not a one off.

I hope he changes and sees sense because that to me is alcohol abuse

I'd text back and apologise. It really is nothing to do with the friend and you've made yourself look a bit silly. Comes across a little like a mother telling their child and child's friend off. I don't think your husband will be angry you have text, probably more likely annoyed that you've embarrassed yourself in front of friend.

your husband is a different issue, he's been very selfish getting that drunk when he knows you had plans for the morning and he has a child to look after, I'd be very angry at the irresponsibility of it all.

Well, messaging his friend isn't so bad if you know him yourself, and it was just a "Wow, do you know much he had? He's slaughtered and spewing everywhere!"

I understand the nerves about leaving DD8 (still pretty young) alone with someone sleeping off a big one. Not nice for her, even if she's happy to make her own breakfast & watch telly.

But I think you should still go. He's not dying (even though he'll feel like he is).

I hope your DD pokes him in the eyes yelling "Daddy! Wake up! I need you!"

is it kids dad? by a.m 6 pints is HIS problem NOT yours?

You're entitled to be pissed off at your DH, but I'd be tempted to tell you to fuck right off (obviously wouldn't actually) if I were the friend.

Stop with the faux naivety. It's obvious you didn't really want to know how much he drank. You knew he'd drank a lot, an unacceptable amount. The exact number/ml of pints doesn't matter. This was a passive aggressive way of shaming him (and maybe partially blaming the friend, but either way definitely shaming your DH).

As the friend, I'd be annoyed to be dragged into your stupid marital spat. I know people who try weaponising third parties with fake naivety like yours, and it's always obvious to everyone. On the friend's behalf, fuck off!

He's not actually refused to look after the child has he? Has no one ever got themselves in that state?
I'm shocked at the comments around throwing a bucket of water on him, that's abusive. Among all the other stuff my mother put up with DV wise the being woken with buckets of water is still something she talks about.

The mistake he made is separate from OP's public shaming / passive aggressiveness. If I made an irresponsible mistake, and my DH saw fit to message my friend / work colleague about it with a little rant and fake question, and then acted like the victim because I got cross about that, well... Giving genuine thanks to the universe that I'm not married to OP or you lol. I really couldn't cope with that level of immaturity, controlling behaviour, victim hood, etc.

Especially triggered like this because my friend's DH used to do the same thing as OP under the guise of concern for her + an irrelevant question, with a little shaming rant included like OP. So obvious what the clown was trying to do, which is why the friend here was rude to OP too.

Wake him up in enough time and go. He did this to himself, he's a grown man and father, he can deal with the consequences of his actions.

Is this a one off or does he have form stopping or sabotaging you when you're out or away without him. Getting that drink when the other parent has to leave early in the morning is really shitty selfish behaviour.

Why was it such an awful thing to do to message his friend? Or is it because he’s also a work colleague so that’s what makes it inappropriate?

I mean unless the OP was messaging the friend to give him a bollocking I don’t really see why it was so bad to message him and ask how many drinks DH had? Not that he was probably counting but still!