@5128gap
Do you understand what is meant by principle?
Oh this is very, very interesting and hilarious to me. Somehow, getting drunk for 1 night is akin to rape, DV and sexual assault on "principle", but the principle of control, privacy infringement and abuse is only applied very literally, maybe to OP electrocuting him with a cattle prod or something (but even that would probably be fine for you).
Taking a step back, I suppose what you're imagining is some kind of stereotypical lad culture, them laughing their heads off at a "nag" who doesn't know what a good time out on the town means. I suppose there are circles like that, but I think in the majority of professional and social circles these days, these gendered attitudes do exist but mainly as vestiges, or hangovers if you will. Most grown men – at least the ones in my circle – would be ashamed, and not viewed kindly, by their male peers if they had potentially lapsed in their duties as husbands and fathers.
And anyway, even if they hadn't – say even if the argument was something as stupid as husband and wife disagreeing on dish soap brands – Spouse A contacting Spouse B's colleagues without permission in an attempt to badmouth, undermine and prove a point is itself damaging. I know people of both gender who often attempt to "triangulate", to great detriment to their own relationships.
Now again, I would fully understand that in some kind of stuck at home wife trope from a bygone era, contacting his circle would be a cry for help and an attempt to turn the tables in terms of their power imbalance. I do recognise it's not the same in all social circles, and perhaps OP's message was a noble, desperate rally against a powerful male narcissist who holds all the cards in her life...
But at least in my circle, in today's age, both men and women attempt in good faith to behave decently, with occasional very big slip-ups from both sides. Contacting your spouse's friend or worse, spouse's colleague about a one-off marital conflict – by sending out a text from your spouse's phone to their contact at that – is clearly an attempt at (1) embarrassing them (2) publicly undermining their professionalism and personality, and (3) eroding the relationship between your spouse and their colleagues/friends.
If someone vomits on my dining table and in my bed through their own irresponsible behaviour, I am well within my rights to tell whoever I like this has happened to me
Again, interesting definition of "tell".
If you made an unwise decision, or made your husband / mother / sister / brother / in law / whoever (I've seen triangulation and shaming in many kinds of relationships) unhappy in any way, you'd be happy with them stealing your phone to text your colleagues to shame you ("telling whoever they like"). Got it.
I don't suppose there's much more I can say given the rank hypocrisy, so I'm out of here.