Messaged my husband’s friend and shouldn’t have

[LiarLiarKnickersAblaze]

Dh came home absolutely bladdered this evening with six pints in him and no dinner. He collapsed over kitchen too, vomited on dining room table. Managed to manoeuvre him into bed where he was sick again despite my shoulder being fucked with an injury at the moment.

I’m due in London tomorrow morning, was meant to be leaving at the crack of dawn for long pre-arranged trip. Obviously not now as don’t feel safe leaving DD (8) alone in house when I don’t know when he’s going to wake up. I know she can make herself breakfast and watch TV but I wouldn’t feel right being on train to another city not knowing.

Anyway I was really crossed and WhatsApp’ed his friend/work colleague from his phone and asked how much he had drunk because I’ve never seen DH like this and said state DH was in and impact it was now having on me. Friend was sarky and rude.

I’m regretting this as DH will be cross when he finds out tomorrow. Just found it so bloody selfish but not his friend’s problem or fault.

So cross 😡

Just tell him you were drunk when you did it.

@MinnieL bevause it’s not an adults duty to monitor another adults drinks in order to report back to their mum/spouse/kids/next door neighbour. If I received such a text I’d just respond that I wouldn’t know.

It’s a completely different scenario to friends assisting each other to keep safe if going out drinking together (such as ensuring a friend doesn’t wander off into an unsafe situation or some such).

Just send the friend a quick message saying something like "apologies for my earlier message. I was just concerned about .... as I haven't seen him like that previously. He's not your responsibility 😀"

I get you. I did go back to the OP and saw that it said this ‘and asked how much he had drunk because I’ve never seen DH like this and said state DH was in and impact it was now having on me.’

I still don’t think they should have been snarky or rude, a ‘I wouldn’t know’ would have sufficed. However seeing as the OP mentioned the impact DH’s drunkness was having on her, maybe the friend took it as the OP hinting that he should have kept an eye on DH. I can see how that’d be an annoying message to receive

I dont know how to comment tbh, I have always been alchohol/smoke free,my husband used to drink and had 40 a day, these nasty habits were not going to fly with me so he had to make choices,he quit. Hasnt has a cigarette or drop of alcohol in 18 yrs. He quit years before we had family,cant imagine a parent showing such trashy behaviour to a child.

I wouldn't message the friend. If he really was a friend he wouldn't have been rude back to an upset woman who's just had that to deal with. He could have said "nothing to do with me".

Don't be cancelling your trip! Wake him up when you go make sure he is awake and up tell him his actions have consequences.

I don't really understand why a hung over person couldn't look after an 8 year old child? Yes he was selfish, and messaging the friend us embarrassing all round tbh. It reminds me of a time when I went to a house party type of thing, one of the women got pretty drunk and her live in partner rang her dad as he didn't know what to do, she was 30+, as was he. Wtf coukd the dad do about it! 😂

I came home drunk, my DH was really cross and WhatsApp’ed my friend/work colleague from my phone and asked how much I had drunk because he had never seen me like this and said state I was in and impact it was now having on him. Friend was sarky and rude.

Even without the phone theft, everyone would be shrieking and howling LTB about this

Sorry about typos. Crap phone.

She'd have to steal his phone again to do that

I would be dead. Or at least, very very ill.

Yeah you shouldn’t have done that. Taking your annoyance out and shaming him to a work colleague. As a pp said it’s very separate to his mistake. Yours was delineate. I’m a little stunned you actually told his colleague and then described the impact on you. Like he was to blame.

id be beyond furious with you. On a separate note, he’s either not used to alcohol at all so this is a rare event, or he had a lot more than 6 pints.

I think it’s a bit OTT cancelling your trip. Your child is 8, wake him up before he leaves. Are you trying to guilt trip him or genuinely scared your child is unsafe staying with him?

Agree it seems a bit much to be that drunk or sick from 6 pints, but sometimes when you’ve not eaten that can have a big impact on tolerance levels

I wouldn’t be offended if someones wife sent me a message asking how much their husband had to drink tbh especially if they are in a state.

Work colleague was probably also quite drunk and will think better of how they answered once they wake up (if they are a normal person). I would just ignore it. If your husband is pissed off then point out what happened and that that level of drinking is stupid and dangerous and knowing how much he had would be a perfectly normal question under the circumstances.

Bloody hell 😱

You did probably go a bit far with the impact to you, work colleagues isn’t to know and also not responsible for your DH.

Of course you can go today!!! She's 8! Make her some sandwiches if you must.

Go on the trip. Don't cancel just because your husband is acting like a teen. Wake him 20 mins or so before you leave. Your dd isn't too young to sort her breakfast and then play, but he'll be a shit father if he doesn't play or do stuff with her today.

Exactly, he’s perfectly able to look after an 8 year old hung over. The op is perfectly able to go on her trip

all the drama of it, texting the colleague, starting a thread, deciding she can’t go. It’s all so over the top and unnecessary. Yes he got wankered. It’s not ideal. Yes it’s a bit stupid, yes he will suffer today for it. But that’s it.

I just can’t imagine getting a text like that from someone’s partner, and would be so embarrassed for the person that their spouse got me involved and tried to shame them like they were a misbehaving child and I’d been in charge of them.

honestly all the drama the op has created is so unnecessary and ott.

Wake him up an hour before you leave, and go on the trip.
He can put a film on and doze on the sofa if need be. He might even learn a lesson or two

Oh and you shouldn't have text his colleague. That's weird.

One day on the sofa doesn’t make you a shit father, give over with the drama.

Ok, I now agree texting the colleague was a bad move, IF he's just a colleague of DH whom the OP doesn't know well.

I was thinking if the OP knew his work friend, as a general friend whom she knew as well. Then it would be ok and not intrusive or pass-ag.

True this. Unless he's comatose (in which case he needs a hospital) he'll survive a day's hangover on the couch and DD8 will be fine.

I must be the most shit mother in the world if these are the standards! I drank stout when I was breastfeeding! (come forth with the pitchforks) 😆

Messaging the friend was pointless though - however much he had to drink it was obviously too much - the friend isn't responsible for him

I hope you still go to London and wake him up on your way out