To not think 41 is that old for pregnancy

[User7778889]

I was lucky enough to have kids in my early 30’s but obviously many aren’t. Dh said that my friend 41 is very old for pregnancy and he worries about her child’s future.

One advantage of being an older parent is the likelihood of older grandparents who have retired and are available for helping with childcare. There are increased health risks connected to mother's age but lots of people take calculated (or not) risks when trying to conceive/pregnant/giving birth. We all make the best of the cards we are dealt

I don't think I'd go as far as it's old (unless it's me personally - I'm now 44 and can't imagine having had a baby 3 years ago) but it is definitely older (especially for a first baby)

I found a massive different between having a baby in early twenties to my thirties in terms of bouncing back to prepregnancy

Mumsnet is full of people who will say it's fine. However the children of those parents may think differently. My parents were in their mid 40s when I was born and I'm sad that my friends still have parents who are a big part of their lives and mine are gone. Yes, people can die at any age, but you cannot change age and if parents are older they won't be around for so long. It's not easy.

Maybe you have an easy 16yo, mine needed regular lifts home after midnight, and rides to festivals often after a full day of work for me. The other one needed carting about the County on a weekend for sporting fixtures, there are regularly multiple teenagers in the house. Financially they need adult sized -designer clothes, eat more than we do, need driving lessons, extra tuition for their A-levels, sports equipment, computers and mobile phones. No way would I want to be going into that in my 60's. Average age of cancer diagnosis is 66 and of heart attaks is 64. You may make it through your 60's in good enough health to be working fulltime but the odds are only about 50:50. Few 20 year olds are completely independent.

It's a pretty big assumption that people want to spend their retirement looking after small kids tho!

What is it with all this judgment of other people’s lives and circumstances that people often have no knowledge or experience of?! Lots of posts lately discussing whether women “ should” have children after certain ages lately!

Fertility issues, circumstances, accidental pregnancies, healthy and active 40 + year olds that didn’t meet the right partner in earlier years, lots of reasons for people to decide on how and when they build their families and unless we have walked in their shoes I don’t believe we should be so judgemental of other women’s life choices.

My DH parents are 70s & my parents are 40s. We have a 6 month old baby. It makes him sad everything that his parents won't be here for seeing our son grow up, being able to run around & play with him. The difference has suddenly become hugely noticeable now we have a baby.

I’m 42, had my last baby at 40. Super easy pregnancy and birth. I have 4 kids - eldest is 14. I was slightly more tired with the early sleep deprivation days but overall have found parenting my two younger kids (born when I was 38 and 40) much easier than the older 2 (born when I was 28 and 30). My husband (an ancient 46) and I are just so much more chilled out. Our careers are in a better place and we know each other better. I’m fit and healthy and I don’t think I’ll be exhausted having a 10 yr old at 50.

My mother in law is 79 and still does loads of playing with the kids. My parents are 70 this year and still full of beans. I’m not worried about my baby’s future. It seems bizarre to focus on age as the one reason you worry about a person’s suitability as a parent.

It comes with additional risks certainly, which are ultimately hers to take. I don't think it's too old though and it's entirely none of my beeswax what age people choose to have kids, be they first or subsequent anyway. I think your DH worrying about the child's future may be over egging the pudding slightly.

For myself personally, I'm currently 41 and the idea of having a newborn right now makes me tired just thinking about it! I have an almost 7 year old and that's knackering enough! The idea of doing all this whilst pushing 50 doesn't appeal. In an ideal world, knowing what I know now and without the struggles to conceive that I did have I would have had my DD in my late twenties. I had so much more energy then 😂.

Had my third at 41 and to be honest, it felt no different and still doesn't. One in my 20s one in my 30s and then the final one.

The only issue is that we have had to wait longer than normal for an empty house, but on the other hand, it's genuinely kept us fit and young feeling

I don't think it's old for the baby\child stages, but I had my last at 39 and am aware the teen years are quite tiring - exams, taxiing, dealing with hormones etc (I'll be doing the uni runs when I'm almost 60)

People may say that 41 is the new 31, but biologically it isn't.

I'm 51 and I wouldn't want a 10 yr old now. I wouldn't have the patience for it - my hormones are fully in "fuck off" mode. However, it's fun having DC in their 20s as I am now largely just a money supply/source of all knowledge.

They were hard work as teenagers, and I wouldn't have wanted to be tackling that in my mid-late 50s.

I am doing all kinds of things now that I couldn't do when I had younger children. I'm glad I'm still young enough to do these things.

It is on the older side of the spectrum but I wouldn't say very old and I certainly wouldn't worry about her child's future. MIL had her last at 41 after a big gap. DH was the oldest. He noticed a difference in terms of energy/focus/child centeredness between him and his youngest sibling. but that could be because of the gap too.

Where I live the demographic is such that there are loads of women who had their first in their 40s - mostly after ivf and mostly only one child. Many of my children's friends came from families like that - they seemed happy children and are happy young adults.

If I were 41 I wouldn't presume I would get pregnant easily. Also, I had a friend who had her first at 40, second at 42, and third at 44. She was shocked when she had an amnio how much her risk of Downs had jumped between her first and her third.

my mum was 43 when she had me and died at 94. My Dad was 47 and died at 92. I had nearly 50 years with both of them. They had many years with our DC who were born when I was 35 and 39

DH's dad was 18 when he had him and died aged 56 without knowing our DC.

Nothing is a given

One advantage of being an older parent is the likelihood of older grandparents who have retired and are available for helping with childcare

As for this... just no, at any age. I did my stint as a SAHM for 25 years, and while I will dote on my grandchildren, I won't be a childcare option.

i adopted my
second daughter at 41. so obv i didn't go through the pregnancy but still the physical and mental side of have a 12 month old is for me
just as easy as a 21 year old with a 1 year old. your as old as you feel, don't let others put you down if it's really what u want.

I had my fourth child.at 32yo and considered myself an older mum at that point (I'm now 47 and child is 14). I did have my first at 22 which is now younger than average.

I can't imagine having a child in my 40s and consider myself at 47 much too old to be having a baby even though I know other women are doing so at my age.

lol so much cope from the geriatric mothers in this thread. They might have changed the term to 'advanced maternal age' or whatever, but it means the exact same thing. It's just the newer less offensive term, that at some point will need to be changed again as sensibilities change.

I don't think you know many people in their 60s. None of the issues you find problematic bother me - perhaps an advantage of being older and more laid back. People in my age group who are unwell have generally been in poor health for a long time due to genetics/lifestyle/economic situation. No one knows what the future holds but writing off most over 60s is very out of touch.

I was 16 when I had my first. When I finally felt ready, aged 29 I had my second.

I got Epilepsy, Multiple Sclerosis and a Stroke aged between 45-50 years. I'm knackered, and glad I didn't have any aged 40 plus.

Then again I went through the menopause at 41.

I was 41 when my son was born. In December he will be 19. We go out to dinner go on holiday together. He hasn't suffered too badly having an old mum !!!

I'm hoping mine will have all moved out or be getting ready to when I'm 60 . No way would I be wanting to deal with teenagers in my late 50s or 60s

I'd prefer not to have a first baby at 41 but that how life sometimes works out. It isn't too old though and not unusual these days. I'd personally have a second/third child until nature said I was too old.
That said I'm pretty fit and young acting (probably even a little immature! 😅) at 38. It's very individual.

I always remember an ex colleague having her 3rd at 42 ...we were astounded but she looked and acted more like 50 as did her husband, plus her older children were 16/18- same father.
I often wonder how she got on.

There is all ways gonna be stigma on any age.

I dont think 30s & 40s are old at all but i couldent do it at 40s.
What i dont like is the judgement of mums when someone has a child young their made out to be an easy ride but when one is knocking on 50 its fine.
I had my children young i always say dont judge unless you know the story.
Im 37 my children are 19 and 20.

I agree with what @WafflingDreamer said. I have three kids and I'm now 37(and a half!) And I feel so much more tired now. Every time DD has a grump (she's 1) she feels so strong, but it's not her, it's me feeling weaker and more tired.

That said, it's up to them isn't it. It doesn't make it wrong, it just means there's more risk, and more likely that they could struggle a bit more. If they're prepared to potentially go through all that then that's up to them.

I know I'm done!