To not think 41 is that old for pregnancy

[User7778889]

I was lucky enough to have kids in my early 30’s but obviously many aren’t. Dh said that my friend 41 is very old for pregnancy and he worries about her child’s future.

All of my kids grandparents are in their 70s or early 80s and they are all capable of running around a bit and playing with their grandkids. I think it very much depends on lifestyle and a bit of luck but it's perfectly possible to be fit and healthy into your 80s.

I had my first baby at 26 and my last baby at 46.

I am waaaaaay more chilled and in a much better home situation at 46.

They may not have mentioned it to you but medically you absolutely are classified as being a geriatric mother. The term applies to women pregnant/giving birth at 35+.

It’s a little old but I don’t think there’s any particular reason to worry for the kid’s future.

I suppose it depends on the woman’s circumstances. I was done by 33 having had my second. Definitely knew I didn’t want any more after. However, if my situation had been different and I’d not had kids by my mid-late 30’s, I might have attempted to try.

My mum is 75. She has developed mild dementia.

We’re not close and she isn’t involved with my children as I’m older and they’re older but it would be really difficult if we were closer or she was geographically closer, and if my children were younger.

It’s not about them being there to raise you, it’s about the impact their ageing has on your life and your parent/child relationship.

@nutellacreppe perhaps you could send the memo to my teens that I don't need to run around after them anymore!

Sports clubs
Uni visits
Friends
Work

Just to name a few things!

This said it's each to their own. I was older (32 and 34) and wish I had been a couple of years younger if I'm honest.

It's not something I'd get worked up about for other people but I was never having kids past my 20s. I purposely has my kids young because I hated having an older parent (my mother is 13 years younger than him). My dad was mid 40s when I was born and now has dementia. I'm only 30 and feel far too young to be dealing with it. I'm more sad that my kids won't know the 'real' him.
That being said, you could argue that there's a chance a young parent could become ill/pass away for any number of reasons.

DC1 is almost 24. I went to antenatal, mums groups, etc, with women in their early 40s way back then. I was 27.

People who say it’s too old are people who were lucky enough to be able to have children in their 20s and 30s, and therefore think that their way is the only right way.
People have happily been having babies in their 40s for thousands of years.

Your husband seems very out of touch.

IMHO it’s wrong for anyone (male or female) to deliberately plan a baby aged 40 or older. I’m not sure people think through the long term effects of it. If you have a DC at 41 and they have a child at 41 or 42 you are 83 (!!) becoming a grandparent. Too many people waiting to be in the forever 4 or 5 bed detached house with the latest SUVs and at the top of the career ladder - biology will never change.

I am not necessarily right, but that’s my opinion.

It was actually the norm then. I was peered at for being unusual. All my other mum friends with newborns were late 30s, early to late 40s.

Even if you've met the right person and you don't have children yet? Should she get some robust contraception?

Nothing to do with anyone else. Reading some of the posters on here settled and married and having kids at 22. I went to university at 18, did 7 years of uni and came out of uni aged 25. I then travelled and worked etc and pissed and clubbed for a few years. I was married at 30 and had 4 miscarriage carrying my first to term at 34. I then divorced and met husband two at 38 and had a baby at 41 he was 31. He has never been a decent parent and never will be - I love my kids and I wish I had them both at age 30 but ffs some people can’t even have children and I’m blessed to have mine.

No I wasn't. It wasn't anywhere on my notes. There was nothing highlighted about my age and no terms like 'elderly primigravida' in the text.

In fact, there was one time that my age was mentioned - when they had mistakenly put me down as needing to see a consultant because they had recorded my age incorrectly. The midwife just said "oh no, that's not necessary because you're under 40".

Maybe women in my area are treated as 'geriatric' after the age of 40, but at 39 I was treated no differently from anyone else.

It may vary from region to region.

Nope. It’s not. I’m perfectly capable of dealing with my son thank you. We are not geriatric!

I once read that the older you are for your first child, the harder it is psychologically because you've been used to pleasing yourself for so much longer. Historically there was no gap between leaving one's family and starting your own.

Personally this feels like a truth.

Totally depends on the individual, personally i wouldn't think 41 was overly old at all its much more common now than ever before. I had my first at like 25 and am now about to have a second at 38, pregnancy has been a bit harder but I am a much stronger person, in much better position in terms of lifestyle, job, coping skills etc. Plus my parents are just as if not more active now in early-mid 70s as they were when 1st was a baby. In contrast DPs parents are 10-15 years younger but not even a tiny fraction as active or able to keep up with a small kid. Can't comment on how they would have been with 1st as it's a different set of grandparents but you would definitely assume my parents were the younger ones in comparison.

I think it's old, not because 41 is old but because the parent will be nearly 60 before the child reaches adulthood.

Well I was well into the throws of menopause by then (completely unexpectedly - my DM went through menopause much later etc)...so the ship had well and truly sailed for me by then.

It’s so dependent on so many factors really. Statistically things ‘go wrong’ the older you get I think, but 41 isn’t crazily old. I have a direct comparison as I was young when I had my first (25) and had my third at 38, nearly 39. I am so much more tired this time. And had a more
difficult pregnancy.

Also in most hospital trusts the age at which you are considered 'geriatric' has been moved from 35 to 40 in recent years because of how common it is and how it has been noticed there is often no difference between 25 and 35 in terms of complications. 35+ year old are often in much better health now than previously.

I just think that if id made it to 41 without kids, my lifestyle would in no way be set up for them and I wouldn't want to change things to accommodate them. It's just too old and I'd be set in my ways. If I didn't have kids already, I reckon I'd have given up on the idea around 35-37 if I'm honest.

Altho plenty of women would say that they wouldn't want to "give up" their 20s raising kids. Horses for courses.

“Dh said that my friend 41 is very old for pregnancy and he worries about her child’s future.”

lol 🤣