To not think 41 is that old for pregnancy

[User7778889]

I was lucky enough to have kids in my early 30’s but obviously many aren’t. Dh said that my friend 41 is very old for pregnancy and he worries about her child’s future.

It's better than being a pregnant teen, that's for sure. I don't think there is a problem with being about forty.. Fifty is too old, but forty? Nah.

I had my first at 39 and wasn't classified as 'geriatric' by the medical professionals. Nobody mentioned my age at all.

I also had a fairly average pregnancy and certainly the easiest birth out of everyone in my NCT group.

I'm astonished by the people who say they wouldn't be able to cope with pregnancy and birth in their late 30s, and can only assume they must suffer from quite bad health problems.

I got pregnant the week of my 41st birthday. My daughter came out perfectly healthy and is a thriving 4 years old now. I wanted to be pregnant earlier but I had miscarriages and struggles with fertility. However she was conceived naturally, a last ditch attempt before we were going to try IVF.
I'd say I was older than what I would have wanted but we were lucky.
I feel tired, yes, but I've almost managed to go back to my pre baby weight and I don't feel too "old" when I'm with her out and about. I'm not going to lie by saying I'm not sure how I feel about having a teenager in my mid fifties though 😅

I think it depends on how fit a person is. Some women do amazing with having babies late. I personally don't know how I would survive. I feel exhausted with kids being significantly younger than 41 but each to their own.

Hi @nutellacreppe
Well it's a personal thing, and it may not be the same for men, but at 50 I don't have anywhere near the energy I had at 45. I wake up sprightly, enjoy my day, but by 5pm I'm done. I don't remember any change at all from 18-47, but then, whoosh, tired. I wouldn't want to now be coming home from work and having to look after an under 10.
Also, there's a thread running at the moment about what age your child was when you found parenting hardest. Overwhelmingly, the answer has been teenagers, with the parents saying toddlers simply not having had a teenager yet.
They're hard, and they come alive at night. Right when you want peace.

Jeeza I had my 2nd at 37 and our twins at 38 and would still like more when there a year lol

Historically it's old for a first pregnancy however women with lots of children have had babies into their forties for thousands of years. Also none of his business!

My sister in law had her babies at 42 and 44, they are now pre teen and it's become a problem as they don't like their friends meeting their parents because they get teased they're too old.

Ageing is persona and relative. Eg a rich person’s 44 might be a poor person’s 34 in terms of health and their ability to do stuff. Some of my friends in their late 40s and early 50s had mums who had them at 45 and all of the Mums are active, going to the gym, driving in their mid-90s, providing extremely hands on childcare. Some of them like me had a Mum who had them in their early 20s and became infirm and immobile at 60 and some had mums who died of Cancer in their 20s and 30s

My dad was 40 when I was born, he’s now 70. It’s too old imo.

Loads of men become fathers in their 40s

Physiologically 41 is old for a first pregnancy.

Do you wish they didn't have you?

(Genuine question, not being provocative. I'm interested because my DH is in his 40's and TTC).

I think it's old for a first but not for a subsequent. I know quite a few people with several kids who had the last in their early forties.

On the other hand it depends on your circles. In my breasfeeding support group everyone was around 40. At the school gate (different social class evidently) the mums are early 20s and the grandmas are in their 40s/50s.

I think there are pros and cons either way, the set up with the heavily involved local grandma supporting the younger mum seems lovely and cosy compared to us professional career women living miles from family and using loads of paid childcare. On the other hand it's nice to have lived a bit before getting tied down

In terms of health risks to mother and child, these are significantly higher in your 40s

41 is old for pregnancy because the risks to
mother and baby are higher. Socially it’s not considered old now but that doesn’t change the biology of it now matter how much people say otherwise.

Yes it's on the older side, in that it's really pushing the limits of child bearing years. It's not "very old", but mid-40's probably would be. I don't know why he'd worry about the child's future though. In fact, many women in their 40s are much better able to provide for both themselves and their children's future, than if they have children when young.

I am 40 and just had my first baby. It's the best feeling. Do it! X

It's not really his business nor mine but I think 41 is slightly older to have a baby than ideal. I certainly wouldn't choose to have a baby at 41 but I think it's becoming more common.

OP isn’t considering having another baby…

They're probably worn out by their children! I definitely aged about 10 years due to stress and sleep deprivation caused by my children.

If you haven't already got one by 41 you probably are effectively several years younger!

I don't understand why someone in their 30s would feel that their parent being in their 70s is ''too old''

Too old for what? What are people expecting of their parents by that stage? They've raised you to your 30s - isn't that enough for you?!

I'm the youngest of 5 so my dad was 41 when I was born. He would be insulted to be described as being nearly 80! My parents help my brother with his small kids as they live close by (I'm a good three hour journey away, they are just not interested in making such a journey but they never were the type even when they were younger).

At 39 years old, my 16 week old is lying beside me. I had my other DD at 36. With miscarriages and not meeting DH til my 30s, sometimes it is not as simple as having kids in your 20s or early 30s. A lot of my friends are having babies in their late 30s also.

I had my second at 42. It was fine. Much easier than my first in my 20's. I've been a better parent too I think. I'm 54 now and he's 12 and we have the best relationship.

I find this odd too!

There are pros and cons. Obviously having babies young means you're all young healthy fun and you can know your children for longer (probably). But having them older means you're more set up and can provide them with more. Mean comment from your DH tbh and quite sexist- would he say this about a man having a baby at 41?