To not think 41 is that old for pregnancy

[User7778889]

I was lucky enough to have kids in my early 30’s but obviously many aren’t. Dh said that my friend 41 is very old for pregnancy and he worries about her child’s future.

Like you say, Unfortunately women are judged at any age.

On MN, everyone knows someone who had a baby at45, they're super happy and not tired at all! 🤔

In RL, that isn't the case and it is old to have a baby over the age of 40 (or it is in my circle)

The life expectancy for women in the UK is 80, so unlikely to leave the baby an orphan early.

However, there is a steeply increasing risk of things going wrong, and it’s all just bloody exhausting in the 40s, even without the baby forcing you to get up a million times a night.

I agree with you its only on MN i see it.
Its like a trend.
My sister had her baby at 40 after an 18 year age gap and now wants as much free child care as she can get she is knackered and openly admits it.

How old is her child?

He sounds judgey. Surely a normal response would be congrats, etc

3

It most definitely wouldn’t be for me, and biologically it is getting on a bit, but if she’s healthy and the baby is healthy then good for them.

For the first time I can say I haven't read the rest of the thread...I had my first child at 42 - leaving it late wasn't a choice it was just what happened..he is 21 - I love him dearly..me and my DP are in our 60's and thankfully happy and healthy. For us it wasn't too late. Given the choice I would have had him earlier but that wasn't how life played out.

It's not so much the baby at 40 thing, but the toddler at 43, primary age kids at late 40's and financial dependents into your late 50's/early 60's. Actually that phase is a fucker. At 58/60 you might want to be working part time hours/stepping back a bit. You're not going to do that with a DC on a apprenticeship still needing the living space or if you're in for uni costs. You're committing yourself to bring in the bacon week into your 50's early 60's

I am 63 and my son is 21. I have worked since I was 21 - I have a good pension - semi retired and work 2.5 days a week. Savings to support university. Yes I would have had him earlier but it is okay

I've seen many threads like this and many of us who have older parents feel this way but it's not what some people want to hear, understandably mind. The gap never really bothered me or became apparent until my parents got into their 70s. Yes people live a lot longer these days but the ageing process really speeds up once you reach mid 70s. My parents were very different grandparents to my nieces and nephews who came along when they were in their 50s. Of course they are close to my children but I'm very conscious of time and aware of the differences- they wouldn't be able to take them out for the day on their own or on holiday as they did with my nieces and nephews. I now worry about my parents and their health issues and am very aware they are ageing and all that comes with that. Friends parents are mainly mid 60s, perhaps nearing 70s and so far unaffected. Most of my parents friends and inlaws too have some kind of health issue- cataracts, dementia, mobility, lack of confidence to drive. My parents would definitely say having me later in life kept them young for a long time but the ageing process is undeniable and I really do feel it and often feel pangs of envy towards my friends who have younger parents who are more fit and active. Yes part of that is being able to support me with kids which they can't really do, and I don't blame them, I don't think many late 70s, nearly 80 year olds would be keen on running around after a 3 year old. But it's also missing my parents being the people they were. I'm still young and miss doing the things we always did together without a second thought- holidays, dinners, even my mum coming on nights out with me! My siblings are in their 50s so they are much less affected by this. I definitely notice a difference. So yes, I think it does have an impact on the child of older parents.

I’m an older mother, I wanted to have children much younger but I for various reasons,mainly medical, I couldn’t.

Is it ideal? No of course not, I desperately wish for my child’s sake that time was more on our side. I do worry about all kinds of things in relation to it. Maybe if I’d managed to have kids in my twenties I’d be reading this thinking ‘oh god, I couldn’t do that’. But if you didn’t manage…it’s different, it really is. For me it’s worth it times infinity.

But what about the children of older parents, is it also worth it for them? Since the alternative is not existing at all, you’d hope so. My parents were on the older side when they had me, 37 and 45, and I am very grateful they did. I know that having older parents will likely cause difficulties and deficits in some areas of life. No one is more sorry about that than me. But if it has to be that way I still think it’s worth it.

It’s certainly common where I live, and common in historical terms too as before reliable family planning, those forty plus pregnancies were happening much more often. Check your family tree and I am confident you’ll find that without someone somewhere in it having a child after 40, we’re none of us here!

What a stupid statement
41 old lol
my friends work colleagues my gran all had their kids in their 40s

I'm doing fine. 59 with a 15 year old, can't see why it's horrendous? I'm fit, healthy, very happy with life. Working full time, going to gym, active social life, not tired at all.

I personally wouldn’t have a baby at 41 but I don’t think it’s too old. I had my last at 35 and my youngest two are 16 and 17. I’m older most of their friends’ mums!

I had DC3 at 42. But I still think 41 is old and less than ideal especially as the child gets older and the parent is in their 50s. Personally I don't feel tired and I had a fairly easy pregnancy and childbirth, but I had gestational diabetes when I didn't have it in my earlier pregnancies, and I also had a TFMR for genetic issues at 41. No signs of any disabilities in DC3 although she's a toddler so things might emerge later on. In an ideal world we would have had her when we were younger, but it took time and circumstances weren't right then. I don't regret it but I think she will have a lesser experience because we won't be at our optimum during her childhood, with potentially less good health and energy compared to the dc I had when I was younger.

If a woman wants to have a baby at 41, who are you to judge?

Plenty of things go wrong for much younger women, so based on your standards, nobody would ever have a baby, just in case!

I had my youngest aged 40, following 2 miscarriages, and they're perfect.

I never envisaged having a baby that old, but it is what it is, and they're and adult now.

Yeah, I had a 19 year old at 60, don't see anything wrong with it!

My dad was an older father and he was still turning cartwheels in his 70s!

Well anything over 40 is high risk so…

Totally normal to have a baby at that age. My anti natal class was full of women in their forties.

The health/fitness of the individual is far more important than age in coping with pregnancy or a newborn. I know grandparents in their 70s more sprightly than those in their 50s.

Love is ageless.

It’s not too old for a first child imo if you really want to be a mum. I wouldn’t want to be having a third or fourth over 40 which is why we stopped actively trying for number 3 when I was 39ish.
Having said that my paternal grandmother was 43 when my daddy was born and my paternal grandfather was 58. 58 is definitely too old. My dad was only 12 when his father died. I think he missed out on a lot by not having a father figure in his life past 12.

My mum died at 48, would have left a 7 year old motherless. Anything over mid 30's is too old for me personally.