Visiting in-laws who have a dangerous dog..wwyd

[Kerrieanne85]

Advice please/how would you word this???

Firstly I want to state I have a Fantastic relationship with in-laws, absolutely love my MIL and FIL.

They've invited us over to their house for FIL's birthday next weekend. They live about 2 hours away so we only see each other every couple of months.

We're looking forward to seeing them and our two DC aged 9 & 6 can't wait to see their grandparents.

Here's the thing, they are currently housing a "dangerous dog". The dog belonged to their daughter (my SIL)....she never trained the dog properly, is super hyper, doesn't take order from owners, the dog has bitten other cousins when they visited SIL, the dog attacked SIL's boyfriends leg so badly leading him to be on crutches for 7 weeks. Dog has also bitten FIL that he needed stitches at the hospital on a different occasion. Dog was advised to be put down but SIL couldn't bring herself to go through with it, so they tried to rehome him...no-one wants the dog with its history. MIL also loves the dog to bits and can't bring herself to have him put down. Now SIL has a 9 month old baby they have given the dog to MIL and FIL.

The dog is now taking medication 3 times a day to 'calm him down'. MIL says the dog has been fine with just the two of them in the house and she gives him medication.

Hubby doesn't like to see his parents with the dog there as we're all not comfortable with him. I told hubby to speak to his dad regarding possibly having the dog elsewhere when we visit with our young children. He doesn't want to cause an atmosphere as it's his step-mum and she's absolutely besotted with this dog and she can get quite defensive about the issue when it's been brought up in the past.

How would you ask her about the dogs whereabouts when we visit next week. She can have this 'it's my house, my way' attitude sometimes.

Before anyone says host them at our house. We always host them at our house when we see them mainly for this reason, this time they want us to go to their house

Thanks for the read

I have 3 dogs, a large one and 2 Toy Poodles. They all have lovely temperaments. One of my youngest grandsons is scared of dogs, so despite their lovely temperaments, I put them upstairs out of the way (taking them out for a walk as necessary) until they have gone. Your in laws should absolutely put this dog out of the way of visitors.

That's good, @Kerrieanne85. However, if the response is Zorro will be in the house but shut away no way should you still go it would take only one careless moment for one of the many people there to accidentally open the door to where he is and the result would be carnage. Plus you'd be on edge all the time just in case that happened, hardly a fun relaxing event.

I am aware the issues regarding the dog are not the fault of the dog and I feel massively sorry the dog has been let down so badly by your SIL and MIL. The consequences of their actions/inactions are that the dog will have to be put to sleep and that is on them it is their fault entirely.

You have to protect your children and yourself from danger or witnessing something horrific, the line has to be If you want us there the dog has to not be there AT ALL.

I wouldn't go, and certainly wouldn't take children there.

At the end of the day the house is the dogs home. So they need to meet up with you else where. And not be guilt tripped in to inviting ppl there. But you could meet up some where fun for the kids etc.

I had a similar situation a while ago and frankly I was too frightened of the dog to ever visit my aunt’s house. You certainly shouldn’t put your kids anywhere near the dog. I simply don’t get why it’s still around - sad as it is, it should have been euthanised long ago. I’m sorry but your step-mum should be more responsible. If it bites a stranger she could be in serious trouble.

Neither would I and I'd tell they why!

It’s a no brainier!!

Tell them to crate it and the dog stays in the crate for the duration of your stay !

That is the only terms you will go there !

Ball is in her court then !

SIL sounds rather irresponsible not having it PTS if advised it should be- bitten a child then an adult !

Good luck .

I wouldn’t risk it
I be honest why I wouldn’t go if asked. I can’t understand anyone who puts a dangerous dog before family and friends

Update; had a long chat with MIL and SIL, they understood my concerns and said maybe it's best for us not to come to the 70th party. Zorro is staying for good. No intention of having him put down. If we do go then Zorro would be locked in PIL bedroom. Zorro is now 9 so they will wait for nature to take him when the time comes

We're not going.....they understand and we'll host our own birthday party for FIL another time

Wow I can't believe they would put a dog over their own dc and gc attending a milestone occasion. Absolutely ridiculous how some people behave over their dogs. This is a dangerous one too. You made the right decision to put the safety of your family first

I’m a dog lover, but definitely wouldn’t go and put my children (or myself in that situation). How unreasonable of them to think you would.

Wow. A dangerous dog that has attacked numerous times usurps family, just.wow.

How does SIL's partner feel about all of this as he is one of the dog's victims? Does SIL take her DC round?
It just all sounds like madness

Blimey! They sound totally crazy

so they don’t want their son and grandkids at the special party?

cant the dangerous mutt go out to
doggy day care? What do they do for holidays?

So they have decided not to see their son and grandchildren for at least another 3-5 years (assuming a av lifespan of 12-14 years. they're just plan daft.

Would you really put your in laws feelings above your small children's safety?! I'm shocked if you do. My dog can bite (breaking the skin) when triggered. I have scars on my leg. I avoid many triggers to avoid it happening. But he is still unpredictable around other people. Mine is not even a dangerous dog, he cannot kill us, even if he wanted too. However your inlaws dog easily could, it is a powerful, dangerous and aggressive animal. It could easily bite your children in the face, they would be scarred for life. Just because you don't want to hurt in laws feelings. Don't go. Explain you're not going because you don't feel the children would be safe around the dog. Don't give in and place other people's feelings above common sense. Trust your instincts and listen to them.

Sounds like you've come to a good solution OP. You are right to not go and to keep your family out of a potentially dangerous situation. Maybe at the right time you can highlight to your MIL that putting the dog in a stressful situation by locking him in a room when there are strangers in the house is also not good for him. If he gets out and bites again, they will be 100% responsible (irresponsible) for whatever pain, disfiguring, disability or death he could cause and the question of putting him down could be taken out of their hands. They could also face criminal charges - even prison - under the dangerous dogs act. I understand they don't want to euthanize him, but that means they need to take proper responsibility for managing and training the dog that they have: muzzle training; crate training; proper dog behaviourist training; never putting the dog in a situation where he could bite again.

You would be best just having grandparents at your house

I'm really sorry OP, you're left with no choice tbh. A locked door isn't good enough, he needs crating, that's it. They really REALLY need to do that for him for everyone's safety if they want him to live out his life. They've only got this half right :(

Hope you’re able to arrange a lovely get together for FIL birthday. Other peoples decisions are not always what we want but at least you now have a way forward.

I'd cut everyone off except fil. What kind of idiots chose a violent dog over children

I read the first few paragraphs.

Fuck no. My kids would not be going there.

edit : caught up. Think your message was bang on. You’ve made the right decision.

Huge dog lover here and have fostered somewhat unpredictable dogs in the past.. however, I now have a child.
Not a chance would I visit anywhere where I knew there was a dangerous dog in the house. ( Biting multiple times is dangerous.!)

Your sil is a selfish idiot. Poor dog, it’s not his fault his owner was an idiot.

i wouldn’t go,

I think it was the right decision not to go OP.

FWIW - Your MIL and SIL are using this event to demonstrate to everyone that they think the dog is completely safe and able to cope with visitors etc..that is why they put their feet down. I think if you had gone and everything had gone with out incident they would have used that to boast that the dog is safe around children and is "friendly" to the GC. They just don't see (care) about the risks, its idiotic.

Also, re one of your previous posts. I haven't come across many adults who cry their eyes out, have to go out of the room or retire to a room to sob for half an hour if someone gently tries to discuss doing something in a way they disagree with. How do they even get through an average week? Good for you, for drawing boundaries and sticking to them.