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Original poster

Visiting in-laws who have a dangerous dog..wwyd

436 replies

Kerrieanne85 · 10/11/2023 19:04

Advice please/how would you word this???

Firstly I want to state I have a Fantastic relationship with in-laws, absolutely love my MIL and FIL.

They've invited us over to their house for FIL's birthday next weekend. They live about 2 hours away so we only see each other every couple of months.

We're looking forward to seeing them and our two DC aged 9 & 6 can't wait to see their grandparents.

Here's the thing, they are currently housing a "dangerous dog". The dog belonged to their daughter (my SIL)....she never trained the dog properly, is super hyper, doesn't take order from owners, the dog has bitten other cousins when they visited SIL, the dog attacked SIL's boyfriends leg so badly leading him to be on crutches for 7 weeks. Dog has also bitten FIL that he needed stitches at the hospital on a different occasion. Dog was advised to be put down but SIL couldn't bring herself to go through with it, so they tried to rehome him...no-one wants the dog with its history. MIL also loves the dog to bits and can't bring herself to have him put down. Now SIL has a 9 month old baby they have given the dog to MIL and FIL.

The dog is now taking medication 3 times a day to 'calm him down'. MIL says the dog has been fine with just the two of them in the house and she gives him medication.

Hubby doesn't like to see his parents with the dog there as we're all not comfortable with him. I told hubby to speak to his dad regarding possibly having the dog elsewhere when we visit with our young children. He doesn't want to cause an atmosphere as it's his step-mum and she's absolutely besotted with this dog and she can get quite defensive about the issue when it's been brought up in the past.

How would you ask her about the dogs whereabouts when we visit next week. She can have this 'it's my house, my way' attitude sometimes.

Before anyone says host them at our house. We always host them at our house when we see them mainly for this reason, this time they want us to go to their house

Thanks for the read

OP posts:
Loubelle70 · 12/11/2023 08:09

LilyLemonade · 10/11/2023 19:07

I wouldn’t go.

This.... with kids or not.
If the dogs that dangerous and has to have meds, its a really dangerous dog. Whilst i think every dog deserves a chance...some are just too dangerous.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 12/11/2023 08:17

I have been in situations where people say they will lock the dangerous dog away but half way through the visit they let them out. I have learnt sadly that some people do not understand how this impacts on people in terms of breaking trust and increasing fear.

Loubelle70 · 12/11/2023 08:22

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 12/11/2023 08:17

I have been in situations where people say they will lock the dangerous dog away but half way through the visit they let them out. I have learnt sadly that some people do not understand how this impacts on people in terms of breaking trust and increasing fear.

This. Me too. Heart in throat situation tbh. Too risky

SophieJo · 12/11/2023 08:40

Just don’t go and put yourself in a position where the dog might be overexcited and bite.

Toomuchfun · 12/11/2023 09:27

Mil has her house her rules..... you have; my children my rules.
I would calmly say " where will dog be when we visit as he has bitten children and adults before and you obviously don't want to risk your own grandchildren getting bitten"
If she gets snarky I would say we will not put our child in any risky situation. We will only visit if dog is not around. Its her choice to see her grandchildren or not

Hibambinos · 12/11/2023 09:30

Oh god, don’t go! You can risk your own kids!

RampantIvy · 12/11/2023 09:31

The OP isn't going. She updated yesterday.

MrsLighthouse · 12/11/2023 09:41

Every other week there are stories in the paper re: dogs attacking and killing / maiming children. ( let alone adults ! ) Just be brave and just say you are looking forward to seeing them but are uncomfortable with the children being around the dog so could a compromise be agreed ? The balls in their court then to remove the dog for the visit or meet elsewhere. If that isn’t offered then just don’t go.

arggggg · 12/11/2023 10:11

This is totally unacceptable. What I call a dealbreaker. Definitely would not go. Can you meet at a restaurant or something near them but not go to the house?

LizzieW1969 · 12/11/2023 10:42

The OP never was planning to go, unless the dog wasn't in the house, and she knew this wouldn't happen. She was posting to ask how she should word her text explaining this to her very emotionally manipulative MIL and DIL. She’s now sent a text saying that they won't be there!

So why are so many posters berating her for even thinking of going and risking her DC? She never was planning to do that!

DDivaStar · 12/11/2023 10:45

I wouldn't go, I wouldn't be comfortable.

At a push I'd say the dog needs to be out of the house that day. But also make clear if the dog is there when we arrive we would meet them at local cafe/attraction and would not be entering the house.

Skybluepinky · 12/11/2023 11:26

Get them to visit u without the dog.

anonibubble · 12/11/2023 12:12

I wouldn't go anywhere near a dog like that.

jrc1071 · 12/11/2023 12:26

Tell them you will happily come if they book the dog in a kennel while you are there.

otherwise do not go.

Merida46 · 12/11/2023 13:19

No need to even think about this one. don't go!

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/11/2023 13:20

I wouldn’t take my kids. If he wants to see his parents and they won’t keep the dog out of the way, he can go.

Seeleyboo · 12/11/2023 13:40

Nope. I'd rather piss everyone off for a lifetime than be visiting a hospital bed or a graveside. Wouldn't even go if the dog was locked away. I was attacked by a Doberman that the owner said was gentle. I have had dogs for years and worked at Battersea dogs home, so I know a thing or two, and I can tell you I didn't provoke this dog at all. Dont go

Humbugg · 12/11/2023 13:42

Definitely not around your children. Imagine if something happened you would never forgive yourself

eastegg · 12/11/2023 15:25

LizzieW1969 · 12/11/2023 10:42

The OP never was planning to go, unless the dog wasn't in the house, and she knew this wouldn't happen. She was posting to ask how she should word her text explaining this to her very emotionally manipulative MIL and DIL. She’s now sent a text saying that they won't be there!

So why are so many posters berating her for even thinking of going and risking her DC? She never was planning to do that!

I’ve just read the OP again and tbf it’s full of a sense that she was still thinking of going. All this ‘how do I ask where the dog will be while we’re there?’ Instead of ‘we’re definitely not going but how do I word it?’ I’m not surprised posters have responded as they have.

DontListenToWhatYouveConsumed · 12/11/2023 15:27

I'm sorry for your SIL diagnosis, but that poor dog 😢
Had someone bothered to train him (I assume Zorro is he) from a pup , highly likely he wouldn't have bitten anyone.
I applaud you keeping your boundaries.

Canisaysomething · 12/11/2023 15:31

I was bitten by a dangerous dog who was being “kept out of the way”. The problem came when the two home owners got their wires crossed about where the dog was to be kept. As soon as I stepped out into the garden the dog went for me before anyone could act.

I know you are getting exasperated by people telling you not to go OP, but there is no other way of dealing with this. Just tell her straight, you won’t be going while they own that dog. No need to skirt around it or be polite “we’d love to come but afraid we’ll have to decline because of the dog”.

BrimfulOfMash · 12/11/2023 15:35

Canisaysomething · 12/11/2023 15:31

I was bitten by a dangerous dog who was being “kept out of the way”. The problem came when the two home owners got their wires crossed about where the dog was to be kept. As soon as I stepped out into the garden the dog went for me before anyone could act.

I know you are getting exasperated by people telling you not to go OP, but there is no other way of dealing with this. Just tell her straight, you won’t be going while they own that dog. No need to skirt around it or be polite “we’d love to come but afraid we’ll have to decline because of the dog”.

Or people could just RTFT, / the OP’s updates, and see that it is now agreed that she and her family are not going.

RampantIvy · 12/11/2023 15:43

Indeed @BrimfulOfMash. It's frustrating isn't it.

beyourownchampion · 12/11/2023 15:47

Don’t go. You will be putting your children at risk.
I was bitten by my own dog on the face, age 19. It ripped off part of my lip and I had to have it stitched back on. I still have the scar on my face.
There’s no way on Earth I would allow my children to be in the same vicinity as a dangerous dog. Do so at your own peril OP !
If your in laws don’t understand then that’s their problem not yours.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 12/11/2023 16:10

I'm not blowing my own trumpet but I'm usually the one who gets them all to start speaking to each other again and be on terms

You might want to consider if that's a role you wish to continue, OP, epecially if your OH's reluctance means it's all being dumped on you

Glad it worked out for the best over the visit though