Visiting in-laws who have a dangerous dog..wwyd

[Kerrieanne85]

Advice please/how would you word this???

Firstly I want to state I have a Fantastic relationship with in-laws, absolutely love my MIL and FIL.

They've invited us over to their house for FIL's birthday next weekend. They live about 2 hours away so we only see each other every couple of months.

We're looking forward to seeing them and our two DC aged 9 & 6 can't wait to see their grandparents.

Here's the thing, they are currently housing a "dangerous dog". The dog belonged to their daughter (my SIL)....she never trained the dog properly, is super hyper, doesn't take order from owners, the dog has bitten other cousins when they visited SIL, the dog attacked SIL's boyfriends leg so badly leading him to be on crutches for 7 weeks. Dog has also bitten FIL that he needed stitches at the hospital on a different occasion. Dog was advised to be put down but SIL couldn't bring herself to go through with it, so they tried to rehome him...no-one wants the dog with its history. MIL also loves the dog to bits and can't bring herself to have him put down. Now SIL has a 9 month old baby they have given the dog to MIL and FIL.

The dog is now taking medication 3 times a day to 'calm him down'. MIL says the dog has been fine with just the two of them in the house and she gives him medication.

Hubby doesn't like to see his parents with the dog there as we're all not comfortable with him. I told hubby to speak to his dad regarding possibly having the dog elsewhere when we visit with our young children. He doesn't want to cause an atmosphere as it's his step-mum and she's absolutely besotted with this dog and she can get quite defensive about the issue when it's been brought up in the past.

How would you ask her about the dogs whereabouts when we visit next week. She can have this 'it's my house, my way' attitude sometimes.

Before anyone says host them at our house. We always host them at our house when we see them mainly for this reason, this time they want us to go to their house

Thanks for the read

…

Don’t risk the safety of your children. The dog should be put down before he kills someone.
One of my DS’s dogs, a Springer, was as docile as you could wish for yet one evening he suddenly turned on DGS for no reason and tore through his cheek. We all shudder to think what would have happened if the adults had not been there. The following morning they took the dog to be put down.

The dog needs to be put down. Your inlaws are incredibly irresponsible. Do not under any circumstances take your children there, help them to understand how stupid they are being.

I’m sorry, but if that dog is so dangerous (and it sounds like it), then no way should you put your children anywhere near it.
Your mil may well be besotted with it, but if, as you say, it’s bitten people and caused serious and lengthy injuries to them, then in my opinion you would be wise to stay away whilst ever the dog is there.

Personally I wouldn’t go, not when it’s bitten so many people. As much as I love my own dog, o wouldn’t have allowed it to get as far as biting as many family members as it has.
it’s never too late to start training it. It’s horribly cruel keeping it doped up on medication, what kind of life is that for a dog. I would be telling my PIL to get off their arses and get the dog trained for the sake of their grandchildren. If they’re planning on keeping it. I would happily of said this to SIL too

A list of {just some} of the injuries the not over-large XL Bully did to the owner who thought it was ''fine'' with her..she got it from 'The Dog's Trust''

Staffies are strong dogs- a Bull breed with boxy blocky heads and wide strong jaws. It could easily do some serious mauling it it wanted.

Quote : The victim suffered “horrendous” injuries, spending five days in intensive care at the Norfolk and Norwich University Hospital.
She still requires treatment for her injuries at the hospital three times a week.
The victim’s husband, who is also in his 60s and asked not to be named, said: “Both sides of her abdomen were torn open.
“One of her breasts was badly savaged and the other severely bruised. She had lacerations and bruising on both of her legs, and a puncture wound on her arm which went all the way down to the tendon.
“But alongside the physical injuries the psychological effect of the attack could last forever.
“When she shuts her eyes all she can see is it happening over and over again.”

Don't sit in the hospital emergency unit with your head in your hands wishing you had listened to your gut instinct. Don't take the chance...please please don't go.

You’ve made the right decision in not going.

I used to show and train Rottweilers. Perfectly behaved, but Id keep young children always supervised.

In regards MIL DOG, There is absolutely NO WAY I'd allow a dog like that near children. Its a monster and a tragedy waiting to happen supervised or not. It takes seconds for a dog to turn.

Staffys are bullet proof and have a good life expectancy, my last one lived to 18

So if they waiting for nature to take its course they could be waiting a dam long time. Let’s hope zorro doesn’t kill MIL in that times as it’s a dam possibly.

Don't go

This.

She’s ‘besotted’ with a dog who has bitten at least one person she’s supposed to care about, has to be kept away from her daughter’s baby and has been advised to be pts? I would really struggle to have anything to do with such a woman, let alone visit her house with my children.

Well, you have come to the only possible conclusion really. I can’t understand why she would prioritise like that and it’s sad for your kids and sad for FIL who won’t have his family around him on his birthday. But then he isn’t insisting that this dog be out of his own home so….

I wouldn’t go to their house myself, with or without children. The dog has inflicted significant injuries on two adults! I wouldn’t risk ending up like the poor woman in Norfolk.

As for how to word it, I’m sorry but I think it’s easy. ‘For the safety of my children we cannot come as long as you have this dog’. You are literally protecting your children’s lives, which has got to be one of the easiest ‘get-outs’ going. Glad you’re not going, but I think you’ve tiptoed around it a bit too much if I’m honest. ‘What are your plans for the dog on the day’ sounded to me like ‘we’re coming, we just want to know where the dog’s going to be’. I suspect you’ll have the same issue next time they want you to visit. Be firmer.

I would do what you've decided to do. You just can't take the risk. Such a shame, as Staffies can be lovely pets; but only if they are properly trained.

I wouldn’t go, or take my children anywhere near it
the dog should be put down if dangerous

Its bitten multiple people?! Nope. I wouldnt go

If you went and this dog attacked your child it wouldn't just be your in laws in trouble with the law. You are your DH would be too because you took a child.into a knowingly dangerous situation. You only need to search Google to see howany parents have fallen could to that one. But the fact is of you know he's dangerous you shouldn't be taking your child there. Even if you asked them to shut him in another room or something there's a good chance one of your kids may accidently let him out, or he gets out himself etc. Don't consider putting your children at risk, if this dog has bitten before he will bite again. He may seem calm but right now he has a quiet life that he wants when your kids descend that won't be the case and that's when he will turn.

I would only go visit if there are always two doors between the dog and guests. Ideally Zorro is in a crate in a locked bedroom. If he needs to go potty, he should be wearing a muzzle and be in a tight heel on a slip lead. There should always be two levels of control in case one fails.

If the in laws have good management, they don’t need to put the dog down. They will probably get bit again, but if there’s no way Zorro has access to anyone else, he won’t bite anyone else.

It all comes down to how much you trust the in-laws to manage the dog.

Dear OP I read your posts - I'm sorry MIL has been unwell, but her actions are now putting other people (well - her and FIL to start with) at risk and I'm suprised at the amount of walking in shells others do to accomodate her. I think I understand your husband as I'd be blunt too.

Exactly.
There's no guarantee that the dog wouldn’t escape from another room. Maybe they don’t have lockable doors inside the house.
One of our dogs when I was at home growing up would definitely have escaped from a closed room. He wasn’t dangerous but a very clever dog who could open doors by standing on his back legs and rattling the door knob with his front paws.
There’s no way I’d be taking my children to that house.

I also think you need to stop trying to mediate your husband's family OP.

I’m glad you see that locked in the bedroom doesn’t count and you cannot go. You get comfortable with that, you relax, you don’t have your children in the same room as you all the time, you turn around one day and zorro has got out and attacked one of your children.

Insist dog tied up for duration of visit, why risk it? I love dogs .

Years ago my GP’s dog attacked my cousin, we don’t really know what happened but the dog was always quite quirky, like you didn’t touch his food bowl while he was eating etc., she and her brother were on their own with the dog and their English wasn’t great. Anyway it was decided that the dog wouldn’t be put down but instead would be locked away whenever family/friends/children were visiting. So they would shut it in a room with some chews/entertainment and we never really saw it closehand again. Could you not ask for something like this to happen?