Did guests bring you precooked meals when you had a newborn?

[Redcargidan]

Not an AIBU but a question. We have a newborn baby. Multiple people have asked me if our friends/family/visitors have brought things like precooked meals in tupperware (that can just be put in the microwave) when they visit, that sort of thing.
Nobody has done this and nobody did when our eldest was a newborn. In truth, nothing would be more appreciated right now than a meal I did not have to cook. Is this a thing? Do other people generally do this, or are the people that have said it just expectant?

I am fighting the urge to spend a fortune on takeaways because we are way too tired to cook, and am VERY jealous if other people generally receive precooked meals from visitors!
YABU - this isn't really a done thing
YANBU - this is a thing

The temptation to ask people to bring these instead of clothes that will only fit baby for 1 week when they come round! (Joking but wish I had the balls to do this )

No, they didn't. But, I didn't expect them to. I just cooked meals...😗

No. It wasn’t needed either.

Some people seem to think that meals should only be given if someone has a desperate need and is practically dying. Or that someone should only be happy to receive them under these circumstances.

Quite simply, the cooking of meals is someone being thoughtful and considerate. It doesn’t mean they think the new parent is useless, can’t cope or can’t cook. It’s just taking one practical task away, which gives a bit more time to the new parents. Most people are very touched by someone else thinking of them and often by the practical benefit of the meal. Whilst most people are still capable having had a baby, most are tired and a bit overwhelmed, and one less thing to do is very welcome.

Im surprised by how defensive some people are about the fact they wouldn’t need the meals or wouldn’t consider making them for anyone. To be honest, I don’t think these responses tell us much about someone’s parenting abilities, but quite simply about how they relate to others around them. Some are determined to be entirely self-sufficient and would see accepting a meal as a sign of weakness or dependence on others, or wouldn’t consider doing it for someone else due the idea that everyone should look after themselves. Quite simply, some people, find it difficult to give and receive.

Others might generally find receiving help quite difficult, but be really touched in the special situation of having a new baby which only happens to most people a couple of times in their lives, that someone has thought of them. And the many comments on this thread also show how many people find the practical benefit just brilliant, along with an appreciation that someone has the foresight to see that it would such a benefit.

I don’t think it is hugely widely done in the UK, but I’d think most people reading this thread who haven’t made a meal for someone before, might see how appreciated it might be, and think perhaps they would do it for a colleague a friend ir family memmeber, even if it isn’t what everyone does. Because in the end aren’t most of us actually quite kind and happy to help a friend or colleague out if we see a way we could do it? We’re not talking bout everyone doing it for strangers but for family or friends. Seems so basic and not a huge big deal or something that needs deep agonising over.

When I had my first I lived in a religious community and we had a meal train set up for us. We were basically brought all our meals every day for a week (and in return I’d take on a day’s cooking for another new mum). It was honestly the loveliest thing.
With my second I stood boiling water for pasta with a two hour old baby in my arms because my ex husband was a useless git who didn’t do ‘woman’s work’. Like an idiot o went on to have two further children with him and loaded the freezer full of east to defrost and reheat meals ready for the new arrival.

Yes. Culturally, this is what we do back home. Our people here do the same, too. For the first two to three weeks after we had our two DC, they came with cooked food, plus , we were assigned an older lady that looked after me for the first week. (This was from the church ).

When I had my dc it was a custom in my church to organise a rota for meals when a family had a baby. We had two weeks of a hot meal being delivered every day, it was wonderful.
I really appreciated those meals and was happy to cook my share of meals when needed.

No not for me. And I specifically remember mum and dad coming to the house to meet their GD and sitting there while I made tea etc. I was full of stitches and not once did mum offer to help or just let me sit.

I agree. And yet sometimes people get hundreds of bunches of flowers, or chocolates, or champagne, or babygrows after having a child. And everyone is happy to receive those…
id rather a lasagne that means I don’t have to cook for a couple of days personally!! Society is just crazy.

Its the expectation that might put some people off.

If you don't do good deeds for other people in general yet suddenly expect people to be cooking for you, then thats grabby, new born or not.
You can't be a closed unit when it suits.

There are people who'll never help, so best not to expect anything from them.

If it's a good friend or close family, there's no harm in asking. Again, only if you've helped out in other ways over the years.

There are people who genuinely need help having had complications but get through on their own and they're people who could have prepared in advance but expect to be pampered.

As much as no one anticipates a bad pregnancy/Labour/post partum etc, if you get help, it's a bonus, not something owed.

I'd happily help friends and family.
The entitlement in some of the posts is astounding.

We all could do with some help here and there, but sometimes, medical issues aside, you just crack on.

I agree that given this is not totally widespread in our society, it’s no good having an expectation that people will bring meals…especially if you haven’t voiced the fact you’d like it or if you’ve never provided for anyone else.

To be honest, it’s not unreasonable to hope that family or nearby friends will think to offer or bring some meals. It seems so obvious…..but clearly lots find that their family or friends visit without any thought of this and often expect to be entertained and fed themselves. So it clearly isn’t obvious to people - and I think it says something about our society and how closed we have become and lacking in a sense of community.

I suppose the best thing anyone can do, is be first to keep an eye out for friends or family or colleagues. If we all kept an eye out and were the ones to take a meal first, then it would become more widespread and perhaps the norm again. We can only take responsibility for ourselves and our own kindnesses. Personally, I’d feel happy to ask my parents or sister to bring ‘em a meal. I know not everyone has a relationship where they can do that. It’s a shame. I would love it if friends offered, but probably wouldn’t directly ask for meals.

An interesting question is, given this thread has run for pages, how many people now are more repaired to take a meal to a friend/family/colleague who has a new baby? It’s so clearly welcomed by the vast majority. I suppose that in the end, this kind of thing is about being a bit less wrapped up in ourselves and u ward if what’s goi g on with others, and being more aware of those around us and their needs, and being willing to put ourselves out a bit. I honestly think most of us like our friends and family and want to be supportive…but in reality life is busy and we often just don’t stop to think what would be helpful or spot a practical need. Maybe this thread helps us think about it a bit more. All of it is of course optional and a choice…but it would be nice if we were more aware of the practical needs of our friends and families (and we’re not even talking about strangers here, but those we love).

No, I think MIL brought some soup for lunch when she visited with our first (soup that she stayed with us to eat and then tidied up before she went home - so it was more in place of us hosting her than for us, which was still nice of her). Another friend brought a cake when they visited. But no actual meals ever for us. To be fair, we were fine with meals because I organised everything in advance - easy quick meals, things in freezer, ready meals, Cook, etc.

The only friends who I know who have had 'meal train' sort of meals have organised it themselves. I have a friend who just had a baby last week and every new baby photo post she puts on social media (which is several a day) has a link to some website where you can sign up to bring them a meal. Good on her being on top of it, but it's a little bit cringe. 😳

I can't really imagine anyone we know who lives close enough to drop off a meal having time to cook extra meals for me in addition to themselves, but maybe it's different if you have lots of childfree friends. We just lived off lots of batch cooked freezer meals plus lots of pasta/garlic bread/salad in various easy to throw together combinations.

I agree it’s quite awkward to be asking people on social media to cook you a meal. But the thing it makes me think is it’s pretty sad that someone has to and those around them haven’t simply done it.

I don’t agree that people are too busy to sort meal to take if they are visiting the new baby. This perception that no-one has a moment available to give to helping someone else (even a family or friend) is crazy. Everyone has to eat, so it can simply be making a bigger cottage pie or making 2 instead of one - won’t take any longer. Or it could be adding something to your supermarket trolley or picking up a COOK meal. Honestly. In what sense are these things a massive burden? But some people seem to see that they are. Again, it basically comes down to how prepared we are to see a need and support our so-called friends and family. The reality is people want to live in their insular bubbles and not put themselves out one iota. Sorry, I know it sounds harsh, and people come up with all kinds of reasons why it’s a big deal or they couldn’t do it. But we’re talking about people you’re already visiting who’ve had a baby, not strangers. The buying of a babygro or sending a card or buying some flowers actually could take longer than what we’re talking about.

Never heard of that, but surely most people batch cook and fill the freezer before they give birth? I suppose it's a kind thought but what if you didn't like their cooking? How many meals would get binned?

My twins are well into their teens now so I can't really remember the early days - but I think I had plenty of free time and babies sleep a lot, don't they? I certainly don't remember food being an issue, and DH is old school and wouldn't have been helping on that front, so I assume I filled the freezer well in advance. We've never been a takeaway family....

If someone has health problems after the birth, or the baby comes much earlier than expected, then yes - I imagine this might be a helpful thing. Or if you have a small home with a tiny freezer. Probably best to ask first though.

I don't think anyone did for us, although a couple of my sisters came over an cooked for us in our house, but I've baked for friends who've had babies. I usually make something like flapjacks, that are decent snacks while you're feeding baby, and do last ages in a tin. I have also offered to bring a meal, and have cooked for a friend when I've gone over. I think a lot of people worry it'd be seen as being a bit odd / cheap / their food wouldn't be eaten, which is sad - as you said, just a day none of us would have to cook would be a bonus.
I did cook lots of easy things like baked spuds with cheese and sweetcorn / tuna, and things where I could just lob everything into one pot on the stove / in the oven and leave.

Yes, my mum brought us something or made us something every time she visited for weeks. She and my sister also helped me spend a couple of days batch cooking and freezing meals before my baby was born.

Whenever I visit friends with new babies now I always bring the same thing - personalised onesie for the baby, something luxurious like cashmere socks for mum, and a frozen Cook meal (main course, two sides and a desert).

I didn’t mind guests coming and just spending time with my baby, but those who brought food or helped in other ways will always be held very close in my heart!