Did guests bring you precooked meals when you had a newborn?

[Redcargidan]

Not an AIBU but a question. We have a newborn baby. Multiple people have asked me if our friends/family/visitors have brought things like precooked meals in tupperware (that can just be put in the microwave) when they visit, that sort of thing.
Nobody has done this and nobody did when our eldest was a newborn. In truth, nothing would be more appreciated right now than a meal I did not have to cook. Is this a thing? Do other people generally do this, or are the people that have said it just expectant?

I am fighting the urge to spend a fortune on takeaways because we are way too tired to cook, and am VERY jealous if other people generally receive precooked meals from visitors!
YABU - this isn't really a done thing
YANBU - this is a thing

The temptation to ask people to bring these instead of clothes that will only fit baby for 1 week when they come round! (Joking but wish I had the balls to do this )

They act like they’ve just had a baby, which isn’t nothing. Lucky you if you were unaffected by the birth but lots of women are. Plus they also have a new baby to deal with.

I’ve had plenty of illnesses and an operation that were much less stressful than being a new parent.

Plus it’s not that having people be kind is a necessity. I’m sure we’d all have managed but it is just that a kindness like this is appreciated.

No, people brought presents for me and DD and MiL cleaned my bathroom, which was great, but no food.

No, why would they... dh and I popped via tesco on way home from hospital with dd. ..wasn't a biggie ..he ran around getting the food...did ask if I wanted to stay in car but loved everyone saying amazing things re dd. I heard a friend have the church make her meals...she had pnd sadly as didn't go out with first due to meals. With second she went out as had too. Half like the idea but do glad I had to go out and if had other children you have too. .only heard of one mum friend as mentioned before having this.

Nobody did anything remotely useful for us. They just burdened us with their late night visits whilst I sat crying trying to establish breastfeeding. I remember my SIL overstaying her welcome, saying ‘hmm I’m getting pretty hungry now’ like I was going to cook for her - 1 day after CS! I had to tell her to leave in the end. My BIL turned up on day 3, I was barely on my feet, and he needed feeding too. Unbelievable.

I’m pregnant with second DC now and at least I have realistic expectations this time! No one is welcome for a very long time, sadly. I just don’t have the ability to host needy guests when I have a newborn, a toddler and a c section.

It didn't happen to me sadly but I did it for my daughters x

Another job to do, find a vase, unwrap them, empty the bin". I didn't want flowers. I wanted a hug and someone to make me a cup of tea. 😬

It's funny you say this, we got sent flowers. I didn't arrange them in the vase, just lumped them in, and I've been meaning to the now dead bunch away for about a week

was so fuming when my sister in law stayed past 6pm. I was dying inside from pain. Could barely stand. Nipples killed me. Leaking milk. Bleeding. Exhausted. Traumatised from the birth too.

We recently had a visitor stay until 9pm (at which point I stopped beating around the bush and told them to leave) and MIL keeps asking to come round at 7.30pm, when we are putting our eldest to sleep and aren't far off going to bed ourselves!

It’s really not about “acting ill” after you have had a baby.

It’s a show of kindness and support. I have had 4 “easy” deliveries and I’m still grateful to this day for the weeks I didn’t have to think about what to cook! It’s one less thing to think about in those early days.

Scanning this thread for my friends and family as we’ve all done this for each other! It’s lovely. I really enjoy cooking and it’s a pleasure to stock freezers for friends and relations in need. A few have had very high-needs babies and didn’t have spare arms to do much other than shove something in the oven. Personally I didn’t have much headspace for thinking of nutritious meals while I had a newborn (and a H who was soon back to work on shifts).

Exactly. Good statement

My friends did this when my 3rd was born.

After DD was born during covid we didn't cook for a month, although we do go to church and everyone gladly sprang into action. One person who I shall forever be in debt to brought round traybakes every week for 2 months when I said I missed her brownies! I think she missed church catering opportunities to be fair.
I usually send my friends some cook meals or similar as I know how nice it is not to have to think about it for a few nights.

This is lovely, but I stand by what I said in that it's normally women who will do it or who are expected to, especially in some cultures.

Of those who had nobody offer - but would have liked it - have you done this for others? It only works if it’s reciprocal.
Even if you’re done having children, there might come a time with an illness or bereavement where you’d benefit from a nutritious home cooked meal. So, start off a new culture of offering next time someone has a new baby.

No. No-one did anything like that. I bought a wee freezer and spent the end of my pregnancy cooking though, because I knew we would have a spell in nicu and knew I would be glad of it. It was definitely a good idea.

Listening to the expressions of gratitude of women who did get meals who then went on to forward pay I can understand why it’s mainly women who do this.

We were not suddenly incompetent either, but I was recovering from a section, sleeping in a Ronald Mcdonald house, spending every hour I could with a baby in NICU and we were not in a place to be doing shopping, cooking etc.

Not everyone has an easy ride, it is a shame you cannot have an ounce of empathy for others.

First time round my mum sneaked one meal and left on the doorstep. After that no. His parents just appeared and wanted entertaining as they travelled. Everyone just wanted to see the baby. Second time my mum hosted us from the hospital for dinner and his parents arrived there. They stayed there.

I wonder about this too and whether people just lack confidence in what they could take.

Something like soup - even a very basic one, will probably be very appreciated. Take some bread and you’ll make someone very happy!

One friend came round and set up some food in my slow cooker for me and then brought my washing in and folded it off the line. It was post c section with baby number 2. It was the nicest thing anyone did for me. She is now my child’s godmother.
I now try and do the same for other friends as I really appreciated it so much.

We didnt get any meals no. We could have really done with it though in those first weeks after she was born. My mum came round and tidied up for us once and did come over when i was having a hormonal meltdown but no meals. I do think people underestimate how much that sort of thing is appreciated for parents with newborn. My partner did do all of the housework and cooked me lunches in those first few weeks so he was definitly doing his part.

My mum came over and cooked the freezer full of healthy meals. She still does this when she comes over and I love it. I will def do it to my kids too.

When our daughter was born my mum and dads friend sent a £50 M&S voucher and in the card had written something along the lines of ‘Spend this on yourself, go get Ready meals and Dine in at M&S’. It was honestly a life saver

ah guys

listen to this
so we had our first new born my parents and family are abroad with my mum having terminal illness so we had our baby so we had my husband big family coming over the weeks

I EVEN COOKED for them like put food in the oven and was going around to feed them when I think about it now it makes me feel sick …..
then they will eat everything and there won’t be food for me left hahaha

then my husband will go around with food for everyone and forget me while holding my baby …. No comment he will literally skip me haha
ah
and they were picky they wanted a special food because they didn’t eat any other brand haha
oh and they will have the pizza eating and then turn to me you want some hahah