To think golf EVERY WEEKEND is selfish?!

[Starbie]

I’m really at the end of my tether with DPs golf hobby. We have four children between us, two of which are teenagers, one a preteen, and a 2 month old baby.

Prior to the teenagers living with us, DP would play golf every other Saturday. It lasts from 8am until 4pm. This worked well as it meant I could also organise child free time on the weekends, or we could have family time.

DPs teenagers moved in with us a few months ago, and DP has now decided he needs to play golf every Saturday as it’s his time to relax. This means I am left with children, sometimes four of them, every single Saturday. I do all of the childcare and night feeds for our baby during the week, despite also working myself (albeit only 10 hours). This weekend, my friend has invited me shopping for a few hours on Saturday morning, but as that’s DPs golf time, he’s insisting I take the baby with me. Sometimes our little one can be a real pain - this morning she cried for an hour in the car - so it won’t be relaxing for me or give me time to catch up with my friend. I rarely ever see friends, and when I do, I almost always have a child in tow.

I’ve suggested a compromise of every other Saturday for golf, but DP says I am unreasonable as he needs time to unwind and relax! I’m just pissed off and starting to feel resentful. He does work hard and earns a lot of money, but I honestly feel like sneaking out on Saturday at 6am so I can see my friend in peace.

Your golfer friend sounds quite stupid, and you for believing him. What about the single men who play golf?

What about them?

They'll probably stay single because they won't have time to date anyone and even if they did most women would rather eat their own eyeballs than listen to a man talking about golf.

My DH doesn't even attempt to talk to me about golf because he knows I don't want boring to death.

Not all golfers are twats.

Presumably he was able to talk about something other than golf when you met, otherwise you would probably have married someone more interesting?

What are you talking about? He is very interesting thanks. We have a hobby together that he spends most weekends doing. What an odd thing to say.

The point is that single men who spend their spare time on the golf course are likely to stay single.

There are woman golfers. My Cousin was Woman's Captain last year and my Friend's Daughter is semi pro. Also, a game takes 4 hours on average not all day like OP's Husband.

The main point is a man CHOOSING to ‘play’ golf between the hours of 8am until 4pm every Saturday. That’s eight hours, a game of golf doesn’t last that long according to some answers here. 3 or 4 hours seems to be the norm. He’s taking the absolute piss here and needs pulling up short.

If you were to separate, he wouldn’t have your help with his Teen’s at all and he’d likely have your shared DC every other weekend. This would then give you every other weekend completely free.. perhaps point that out to him 😆

Was he always like this?

Friends hubby was mad on golf now they are divorced.

He was like that when she met him though, he didn't change, not even when they had kids.

Don't know if this was the only reason but probably didn't help.

He still.plays golf always has done, always will.
She had a nice lifestyle as he was well off. She had a nice home, car, holidays, but they still split.

Does he drink too?

Why did he split with his children’s mother?

Why did the teens move in?

Who owns the house?

I would be looking at your options so you know the pros and cons of this relationship.

He is trying to live the life of a single man. It's a fantasy.
We were a sailing family, very similar time commitments when I was young, then Dad took us all along. That nearly broke Mother, all the time getting things ready.
Finally Dad came to his senses sold the boat and we all went kayaking. much better.

YANBU. My DH played golf every other Sunday when our DD was young and with a start time of 7:30am. So a round off golf, catch up with friends over a pint and home by 1pm ish. Now days my DH plays most weeks but the difference is our DD is at uni and I have my own social life too.

Why has your DH had more children if he doesn't want to be around them? I wouldn't be happy OP having to deal with a newborn plus SC on my own every Saturday.

You need to be looking at your financial options so you can leave this selfish see you next Tuesday as soon as humanly possible.

he's having a laugh- a round doesn't take 8 hours for a start. He is finished by 12 I can assure you.

18 holes takes about 4 hours. Maybe ask him to do 9 holes? Why have the teenagers suddenly moved in with you? My husband disappeared to his mother's and mates all day every Sunday. I was resentful and it caused rows but nothing changed for many years. He is missing out spending time with the family. Hopefully he will pull a ligament and have take a week or so off. You won't win so try to embrace family time.

I agree with everyone else that he's massively raking the piss. He's probably thinking he's got you trapped now you have a baby together.

My advice would be go back to work FT and don't have any more kids with him. Those poor teenagers - they must know that their dad can't be bothered to parent them. If you leave op (and I think you should if he doesn't change) he'll find another female to do the parenting I'm sure.

Bloody selfish men - one of the reasons I only had 1 DS. I wasn't prepared to do everything for 2 kids.

He must have balls of steel to think that's a reasonable reaction to his kids moving in, it's completely ridiculous.

Get up early on a Saturday and leave that bastard to it! He’s being selfish and unreasonable! How dare he! You work (I don’t give a shit how long) you look after all the kids (some that aren’t your responsibility) and he thinks he’s entitled to this time off on a Saturday! He’s being a terrible husband and a terrible dad! Where do you get time for a hobby? Or just some alone time! You’d get more peace as a single parent! That’s how you know his attitude is shit as hell!

I think you need every Sunday off to relax and unwind.

Let's be honest here he's a useless tosser that doesn't want any responsibility of actually having to parent any of the kids !
You sure he's actually going golfing not banging his secretary or Co worker ??

I would go out all day every Sunday on principle until he's willing to compromise.

I havent read whole thread so apologies if this has been asked but
Are all the children your children together? It seems not, but how come thye came to you as teenagers and where were they before..ie how much time did they spend with you before thye moved (back?) in with you.
What is your "hobby" and time to relax and unwind?

How long are you prepared to put up with this?

Someone this selfish isn't going to change

@SecondUsername4me
You may or may not have stepped back to the 50s, but I suspect that the OP's husband's responses are not likely to change no matter what decade you think that he might be currently in at the moment.

No matter how do we all are for the sisterhood and equal parenting responsibility, her husband is not going to change his behavior because we all validate the OP's stance and views.

This is a man who seemingly made an irresponsible decision to have another child when his older children were teens and long past the baby stage. Having made one irresponsible decision, do you think that he is now going to become enlightened and want to take on some additional parenting responsibility. In all likelihood , he probably thinks that he did the OP a favor by agreeing to have the child that she rather than he wanted to have.

Obviously, he works hard and earns well, so the OP would be foolish not to utilize the one resource that he provides to pay for a sitter for her occasional time out.I would assume that he would not object to that. He would see himself as being a good provider.

The OP could leave him, but then she would probably need to work more and would likely still have her baby on most weekends.

Sometimes you get what you wanted, but it turns out to be less than you needed. She did not meet this man in the delivery room. It is unlikely that his focus on self interest waited until she had a baby to manifest itself.

OP does not have to be the little woman from the 50's sitting home alone taking care of the kids. She can be today's capable and adequately financed woman arranging for external resources when necessary to enhance the life situation in which she finds herself. If not she can sit at home with MN validation for comfort and growing resentment of her husband for solace.