To be so disheartened? I’ve left it too late.

[Lostcause999]

I’m 40, 2dc, single mum.

Im in a basically minimum wage job that I was lucky to get given my lack of experience and poor skills.
I’m overqualified (academically) for some things but because I got those qualifications 20 years ago they’re irrelevant in anything that is above minimum wage. I stupidly stopped working when I had my oldest dc, went back briefly in between them and then unexpectedly fell pregnant with my second dc. And again - stupidly - had three years out and stayed home with her.
This has left me largely unemployable. I’ve no money or time to retrain so I’m stuck.
Im too old for a career now. I’m feeling really disheartened that I’ve wasted my life like this and will never have achieved anything worthwhile or interesting.

You sound like you’re depressed OP. I reckon a trip to the GP would be in order. You are only seeing the downsides right now and that’s no way to live

As a PP mentioned, you’re barely halfway through your working years so take heart.

The whole job application process has changed so much in my own working lifetime that it’s very different now and perhaps that could be a contributing factor in how you are feeling.

“Back in the day” you had to print off a cv, put it in an envelope and post it to an HR manager. Nowadays, it’s so easy to apply for jobs at the click of a button that every role gets hundreds of applications and it’s way more tricky to get noticed. It’s much more of a numbers game now and you don’t get replies.

Its probably worth going to have a chat with a recruitment consultant or careers advisor to help you devise a plan going forward.

I am doing a second degree now through the OU which is funded by a 2nd student loan. I don't get any maintenance loan or anything but I don't have to pay for the course. It just gets added onto my existing student loan so I won't pay more per month than I would anyway if I get a high enough paying job afterwards.

It's only for certain subjects though - IT, health, science etc.

Could you consider doing something like this in your free time?

Yoy are 40. It is young. You can retrain

I agree with this.

Seems like you could easily gef back into teaching. Go to some locum agencies and ask.
20 years paying into teacher pension scheme well worth while.
Please change your user name to "looking for a new career" or "ideasforthefuture"

Sorry I don't have anything particularly useful to add but I'm in a similar position so just placemarking for updates

No way. Sorry but I was on a min wage zero hours contract 6yrs ago and everyone thought my experience of running my own business was irrelevant. I had nothing, exDH took it all. Now I earn 50k, got my own house, decent car etc dont really want for anything. Its not huge success but it feels good, especially from a standing start, and i dont need rangerovers, gucci etc etc etc

I saw today on Instagram that Vlad the Impaler didn’t start impaling anybody until his late 30s. Hope for us all

This role you posted sounds worth applying for So one I was just looking at - full time £27k so we aren’t talking masses of money - wants experience of project planning and evaluation. Experience of managing a budget. Experience of public speaking / presentations (have that) and about 50 other things of which I have perhaps half? It’s for a charity.
you lead a team of 7. You can probably pull some project planning and budget from that? Tell us some examples and we can angle them for you! Plus a wry comment at interview I’m a single mum so I know all about keeping to budgets. I think applying would be a great exercise for you.
my mum didn’t start work until 47 then did 18 years of a career which has left her with a good pension and good friends. You get the next job; a bit more confidence, a bit more money, so maybe you can do a certificate or something to pivot towards what interests you… I see you in a satisfying career in a few years op, stop counting down days until you’re dead. You have decades, we will all be working them, so push for something you want.

You’re never too old to retrain. I’m currently retraining and I’m 42 next month.
I left a 23 year career because it’s wasn’t fulfilling and it wasn’t enough for us as a family financially.
Have a look around at what you’d like to do and go for it - my 2 DS love that I’m working hard to change things.

You’re never too old. I work in the NHS and most of the apprentices in my department are 35+.

My advice to people is always show how keen you are for the job/to learn. Fight for it a little. And hopefully someone will give you a chance.

You’ve raised two lovely children so you definitely haven’t achieved nothing or wasted anything.

Good luck

My last student was in her early 50's with adult children. Public sector professional role. She was superb. Don't write yourself off x

If you're not desperate for money why does it matter ? There's tons of worthwhile jobs making a difference that are low paid and low skilled. Carers for example, office admin in charities, etc

Definitely not too late to have a career!

What I would say is to be canny about it though. If you’re going to retrain, go for something that is really in demand as a profession, something that there’s a shortage of in the country, probably public sector.

Don’t retrain as something where there are always 100s of applicants per job, in sectors where they are inundated with bright young things all able to do unpaid apprenticeships and demonstrate their “commitment” by working untold additional hours.

My ex SIL for example went into social work in her 40s having been a single mum and never really had a long term job - she went to Uni and retrained but I think that was at least part funded.

Teaching, nursing, all really worthwhile jobs need people and you can get bursaries to train. And don’t discriminate against you on the grounds of age or having dependents.

Don’t look at thinks like advertising, PR, publishing, “being a creative” or anything where they have the pick of keen 21 yo new graduates.

You got to spend those years at home with your babies. Doesn’t sound like a waste to me.

Agree with @Comtesse -@Lostcause999 you sound depressed. Consider whether you would benefit from seeing your GP.

In a few years you can ask your kids if they’d have rather been in childcare, I bet they appreciated having you at home, or at least will appreciate it looking back on it when older.

Charity sector may be the wrong sector to focus on: they want to recruit people for peanuts despite asking for tonnes of experience in everything. Many sectors are like this, they can recruit young people who don’t know any better and will accept long hours and unpaid lunch breaks etc. Working conditions have definitely disimproved while you (and many of us) were off raising kids.

Are you sure you couldn’t tolerate getting back into teaching? Perhaps it would be worth investing in some life coaching/career guidance…

good luck 🍀

What a sorry state of affairs; to think you've wasted your life loving and nurturing your children full time. I think you've been very fortunate and it's very sad for your children that you seem to think the complete opposite

I had this my kids joke that I had a mid life crisis
when I realised my 40th birthday was coming soon and H was busy with my friend and the divorce was processing I took a look at my life and work and thought ' do I want to be doing this in 10 years time'
The answer was no
While in the town the local college / university had a stand there
I talked to one of the people there and decided to do a course that led to me getting a degree in accountancy (which I rarely use. I had a job offer from a company and did extra units for it but by the time I was looking for a house in the area the place was marked for closure and no job) and am 40 points short of a degree in fashion
I also decided that as I had wanted tattoos since I was 14 and if I wanted them all this time I wasn't going to change my mind
I am now in a just above minimum wage job waiting for retirement as I wanted to destress and have bill money guaranteed
But I am looking at courses this year to get some more points for my second degree

@Lostcause999 You do sound quite down about yourself and negative about the opportunities you could have. Being a team leader sounds pretty impressive to me.
If you wanted work around charities / social care can I recommend you look into advocacy / Paid RPR work?
There are people in care homes (older people and people with learning disabilities) who have no family and friends who need advocates to represent them and their wishes. It's a statutory duty of the council to commission independent services to provide that work.
Usually the person is subject to a DoLS (Deprivation of Liberty Safeguard) meaning professionals have decided it's in their best interests to stay in this home. They are not allowed to leave. They need someone who can come and work with them sensitively and empathetically to ascertain their wishes and report those to the DoLS team and if necessary support them to access a solicitor to raise an objection and go through the appeal process to find something they prefer.

Argh. Posted too soon.
Organisations like Pohwer and other local advocacy providers do this work. You do not need formal qualifications to be a Paid RPR, but an ability to write good English and to be independently mobile to get round the care homes. A good deal of patience and empathy to work with people who may be non verbal, good organisational skills, ability to work independently.
It's not minimum wage but it is quite low paid, nevertheless it's usually flexible hours and you can really make a difference. Most advocacy organisations are desperate to recruit more advocates.

I’ve just read your responses OP, not the full thread:

1. Men (apparently) apply for jobs (and get them) when they have 50% of the essential criteria, women only apply when they have all of them and preferably more. So apply for anything that takes your fancy where you can tick some of the boxes.
2. Most applications are now competence based, so you just need to give examples. If you’re a single mum I suspect you’ll be able to evidence working within a budget!
3. Look for University student services or admin roles - loads of people from teaching and 3rd sector backgrounds, but the work is usually more flexible, and they’re very interested in EDI agenda and will often fund further training.

Good luck! One of my Uni colleagues did a PhD in her 40’s (once her 4 kids were all in secondary), alongside a part-time lab assistant role, and is now a senior lecturer in her 50’s. You’ve got loads of time yet.

I think your issues are waaaay beyond the career route you chose. It sounds like your frame of mind has taken a bashing for whatever reason. I'd suggest getting help to sort your self esteem then I think it will seem easier once you feel better about yourself.

Yes this lady sounds like she has other big issues, not related to work or career.