To be so disheartened? I’ve left it too late.

[Lostcause999]

I’m 40, 2dc, single mum.

Im in a basically minimum wage job that I was lucky to get given my lack of experience and poor skills.
I’m overqualified (academically) for some things but because I got those qualifications 20 years ago they’re irrelevant in anything that is above minimum wage. I stupidly stopped working when I had my oldest dc, went back briefly in between them and then unexpectedly fell pregnant with my second dc. And again - stupidly - had three years out and stayed home with her.
This has left me largely unemployable. I’ve no money or time to retrain so I’m stuck.
Im too old for a career now. I’m feeling really disheartened that I’ve wasted my life like this and will never have achieved anything worthwhile or interesting.

You say you have academic quals. I did an online degree conversion when I was working full time and had a toddler and a baby. It was a challenge and I had no spare time. Had to get up early every day and basically give up TV in the evenings. But it is possible. It enabled me to progress. You can do it! 40 isn’t old. You’ll be working a long time. I was 37 when I went back to studying. I really enjoyed it too!

You have more time left in your working life ( 25years) than you have wasted. You could do a 4 year degree and still have 21 years of working life left.
I can understand your frustration at being "behind" in the rat race but that doesn't mean you dont have loads of time to participate. I went to uni late, and there were people in their 50s there. And those of us with life experience often excel in professional environments where as those fresh out of school tend to meander. It all balances out. Go for it.

It's not too late!!

I considered all kinds of options for retraining at 49, and it gave me a new lease of life.

If you're academically qualified, could you refresh that with something and make better use of it? Or do something different.

I hold on to that saying - forget who said it - "It's never too late to be what you might have been". I know it's kind of clichéd but I'm happy to give it a go.

I've now almost completed a Master's age 50. It wasn't too expensive, although it was time consuming and my kids are teenagers not little ones.

I had a career coach which helped a bit - only in terms of confidence really. There are resources online if you can't afford that. ❤️ Good luck.

PS you sound a bit down - might be worth popping to the docs just to check you don't have depression.

I suspect many people have said the same as me, but I think you are putting yourself off applying for jobs (in the nicest way possible). Let me explain. I am a little older(45), and I remember being told when I was younger that you should not apply for a job where you don't have all the qualifications. I am afraid that advice was rubbish. It put me off applying for so many things as I only had half of what they wanted. I learnt a little while ago that nobody has everything they are asking for. My sister for example landed a brilliant job in accounting, despite not having any of the essential qualifications. She has flourished and gone up and up in the company. When they offered her the job she was gobsmacked and she asked why. They said they saw potential and loved her as a person. Training her would be the easy part now they had the right person. Similar for my husband. He went for a job he had no right getting really and he smashed it and this has meant he has been able to move over into a different field which he loves, and never would have got into otherwise. I myself would also not have my current job either if I had just gone off the essential criteria! Essentially what I mean is please don't let it put you off applying for things you like the sound of. You never know. You could be that person they are looking for.

I started a new career at 36. And 47. And am wondering what my next career move will be at 58.
If you believe you are too old, so will everyone else. Take some distance learning qualifications, go to even class, whatever.

You have a postgrad in teaching, that’s definitely qualified. You sound very disheartened and I think that’s the main issue.

Well OP I don't think your post was meant to do this but you've actually inspired me at age 45 to try and get myself a career, rather than the "job" I've been doing since I had kids. I've started looking at adult apprenticeships and actually there's loads. There is one in civil engineering I'm considering. I'm actually feeling really REALLY excited seeing that there are opportunities out there for older people like me without any qualifications except GCSEs. But you already HAVE qualifications. What's stopping you??

You're never too old for a career. I've known a fair few people qualify as doctors, engineers etc and they're in their late 40s or 50s! If it is truly what you want to do, there are ways you can find to get skills you need.

Don't be that person that looks back on their life regretting things they did not do!

You haven't wasted your life, you've been a very good parent doting on your children, doing the work of two parents by yourself - they aren't a waste of your time. You owe it to yourself now to do something for yourself.

Why not contact a few of your local primary schools and speak with someone about volunteering which will give you confidence again in this area....even if you apply for teaching assistant then build back up. I'm almost certain primary teachers don't have such a thing as being out of work too long. Dr's do and people who work with medicine but teaching no. Think once you're back in a school it will flood back to you quicker than you think. My aunt at aged 40 went to uni for years and became a lawyer.....almost 20 years ago now and has the best life. Really turned it around. Youu definitely still have tike to do what you want now

Slightly outing but I'm 47, am a qualified Careers Adviser & have graduated uni age 21, 26 & 45.

I don't think your Primary Teaching qual or degree would be worthless now, quals still count, otherwise why encourage teenagers to do well in their GCSEs / A-Levels? Plus the teaching experience would be an asset in Family Support roles, because you had SG or CP issues to refer to your DSL, etc.

I've taken a lot of back or side steps in my career in order to get out of toxic work places & its given me a huge skills set to fall back on if I ever need work (customer service, admin, advice & guidance, listening skills)...have you considered applying for Safeguarding or Wellbeing role in an FE College, do that for a year or so then apply to Family Support jobs while there? They don't always pay well, but can be term-time only, etc.

Good luck! Also, I'm positive you're a great mum.

My daughter was in much the same position as you but I encouraged her to study with the Open University which she did (while working full-time) and has since gained her degree. She is now working as a teacher in a private school, and also has her own Business Consultancy and Private Tutoring company. So, never say never! Trust in your own intelligence, inner strength and determination. You can do anything to set your mind to!! Good luck x

Having/ Bringing up your kids is the most amazing thing anyone can do! They will have def benefitted from having you at home You aren’t too old to retrain, maybe look at working in a school as a LTA instead of teaching? Maybe you are also a bit depressed? Perimenopause symptoms can also be kicking in and really affecting you, mine certainly started early 40s so worth looking into those areas and getting help if you feel you are affected

Ok. I hear your disappointment. And it is not unreasonable
But you know, kids grow up, so at some point you might have more time to retrain. There are bursaries, grants from charities or maybe an employer, some loans sometimes. Maybe try and get in touch with some university and ask about all that, this could be encouraging.

Apply for the full time roles and ask for part-time if offered. I was a teacher, then a SAHM, didn't fancy going back to teaching so am on a long road to re-training in a different profession and doing an MA in the evenings. My first proper job after kids was advertised as full-time but I asked for 3 days a week, and they said that was fine. I've now moved on to a better paid role with the training I had there that just happens to be a 30 hour, 4 day role. The worst they can do is say no to part-time, you don't take it and you move on to the next opportunity.

Given you are looking at family support , have you considered for going with these type of roles in the Local Authority and then getting on the social work apprenticeship?

'You work to live not live to work' so just get on with whatever job brings in money at the moment.

Is there a reason you won't go back into teaching (aside from the obvious! 🤣)? A supply agency would probably put you on a refresher course before setting you in schools.
Start off with a year group/phase you feel comfortable with and build up to date experience and confidence across the others.

Honestly this was me 2 years ago. I had 2 under 2 and never went back after my first and stayed home with them both. Have a degree from 15 years ago which is no longer relevant really and I was stuck working in a cafe on minimum wage part time. I honestly thought my career was over and I would be stuck on minimum wage forever. Then I went to a recruitment agency who helped me sort out my CV and get interviews. They really helped me out and boosted my confidence. Now I have a new career I love for a company who value me and understand I’m a mum and needs to put my kids first whilst also being passionate about my job.
there is absolutely no reason why you can’t get the job of your dreams still. Without retraining I would speak to a recruitment agency and tell them what you’re looking for and your qualifications and experience.

At 40 you’re not even half way through your working life! You have plenty of time.

Teaching qualifications don’t go out of date and teaching leaves you with tonnes of transferable skills. You don’t have to have all the skills on a job spec, you just have to have more than the other candidates.
I don’t think the problem is your qualifications it is your attitude. It sounds like you haven’t even applied but just assume you are unemployable. You seem very negative and defeated which could come across at interview. Perhaps You need some counselling and work on a positive mindset.
Also you can’t measure your time with you children through how successful they are. It’s about building relationships, role modelling healthy relationships and work life balance. Remember life is not just about work and the only measure of success is not how much you earn. Find something that makes you happy whether that’s work or a hobby.
You have plenty of time to do whatever you want to do. Don’t give up before even applying. Talk to people in the roles you want. Try volunteering - you will soon realise the people in the jobs you want are probably less competent than you. I do think being a SAHM does destroy self confidence in the work place. Don’t be too harsh on yourself.

Firstly I’m amazed that anyone with a degree would think that their skills they learned were somehow irrelevant after twenty years. All that says is that you weren’t taught what skills you had learned during those three years of study.

Secondly, I started my career at 37. I’ve still got three decades of working life ahead of me and I’m pretty sure I’ll achieve something in that time.

You are definitely not too old for a career, I know women who have retrained in there 40s and even one in their 50s.
I also doubt your 'overqualified' for anything. There are plenty of people working in minimum wage jobs who have degrees

I recently completed my undergraduate degree in social work. A good portion of us were mature students , not many came directly from school. Oldest student was 50. If retraining is something you are interested in definitely ask your local uni about support they can provide for parents.

I'm 40 with 4 children and have been out of work for 10+ years. I started at college this year. Benefits can be claimed as a student. Student discounts and being exempt from council tax can also help with cutting cost. At 40 there's still 26 years left until retirement age, and that's as things stand now. That is likely to go up.

Then there's student finance which can pay for your course or if not, open university is much more affordable than college. You could even look for an apprenticeship and have a company pay for your education whilst earning.

There are options.

You are not too old. I am 52 and only have just got a degree and MA. I have worked in low pay and what are ‘considered’ low skill jobs all my life.

Have a look at FE colleges - they often welcome returners. Have a look at the civil service, they blind recruit, they don’t look at qualifications or experience.

Perhaps look at some volunteering whilst seeking employment and an apprenticeship is a viable option. I have a friend who is the same age who has started one recently.

You may or may not have a career but you may find something interesting and rewarding.