To be so disheartened? I’ve left it too late.

[Lostcause999]

I’m 40, 2dc, single mum.

Im in a basically minimum wage job that I was lucky to get given my lack of experience and poor skills.
I’m overqualified (academically) for some things but because I got those qualifications 20 years ago they’re irrelevant in anything that is above minimum wage. I stupidly stopped working when I had my oldest dc, went back briefly in between them and then unexpectedly fell pregnant with my second dc. And again - stupidly - had three years out and stayed home with her.
This has left me largely unemployable. I’ve no money or time to retrain so I’m stuck.
Im too old for a career now. I’m feeling really disheartened that I’ve wasted my life like this and will never have achieved anything worthwhile or interesting.

I suggest you focus on building self esteem and confidence

40 isn’t too old to change direction, but if you liked teaching, I expect you could return to that. I thought there was a shortage of teachers?

And, although teachers on MN would have you believe it's the hardest job in the world, I maintain that it is child friendly

40 is no age to retrain in something you think is suitable. In our careers we have to constantly do courses so maybe go forward in what you know and are comfortable with. Otherwise any job helps with confidence, meeting people, opportunities for promotion. It's daunting getting back out there and doesn't mean the first employment you do is the one you have to stay with. Good luck, you will be fine 🙂 👍

Give your head a wobble. You’ve got 30 years of work ahead of you, hardly too late for a career! Think about what you enjoy and are good at, research,talk to people in fields you are interested in and work towards your future!

Oh goodness, it sounds like you have loads of potential! 40 is nothing. I am 54 and started a new career 6 months ago. I worked originally in the meds and also took significant time out for childcare. There’s lots of lovely charities out there, including ones to inspire children to read/write etc. You could completely retrain, you have potentially 30 years of career ahead if you want it! I do get the confidence thing though, mine was due to peri menopause so maybe get yourself checked out x

You are not too old to retrain. I got my PhD at 50. Then I moved on from specialized nursing, NICU, to being a professor. You have 25-30 working years left.

Have you thought about tutoring? You could charge by the hour around your current working hours - perhaps weekends and evenings - just start small to build up your confidence - there are plenty of agency's that would take you on. You may need insurance etc to cover (perhaps). We hired a tutor for our 10 yr old to help them get through their SATs - likewise 11+

Some big firms do back to work schemes for people that have been out to work a while so maybe something like that could work for you. Also you could look at the department of education jobs since your background was in teaching. I don’t think your qualifications or experience are out of date. Also think of the skills that being a SAHM requires!

Could you maybe look into a hobbie that you could properly freelance to make extra income or maybe volunteer in any spare time for something like rainbows or st johns ambulance just ideas. Then your away from your workplace and networking with people you may not have come into contact with. This may help lessen the feeling of been stuck in a rut. It's so hard on woman with children I feel the same about my current job not even going to call it a career but I'm only 34 my oldest leaves school in 9months ish 2024 and my youngest will start school in 2 years maybe less has he is 2 in February 2024 then childcare won't be such a burden in terms of finances. Then I hope to try get myself into a career I like And can comfortably save for retirement. Personally I wouldn't beat yourself up you maybe just have to network and put yourself out there and yeh they will be knock backs but hopefully can find something you enjoy.

I could have written your post, except it was poor mental health that prevented me from working, not having children. Am also a similar age.
Nothing useful to add, apart from I understand where you are coming from. Will be watching this thread with interest.

Do you mind me asking where you work? I am similar to OP and looking for something completely new. Thanks!

Have you considered apprenticeships? I’m currently on my second accounting apprenticeship with my employer, learning all the skills and knowledge to do the job and I’m paid over £30k a year as well. I’m 39, I started on this career path 3 years ago having no experience in finance previously.

Also, have you considered volunteering with charitable organisations to increase your experience in that field? I know with 2 DC this might not be feasible, but it would show willingness and might then lead to a job opportunity. I’d also look at what courses WEA have to offer you and also OpenLearn is great for courses to help improve your skills.

But I do agree with others, it’s your mindset that needs an overall the most. You need to start focussing on all the things you can do, for example you were a teacher, that comes with a big skill set that you don’t just forget. You need to sit down with someone who knows you and go through all your transferable skills and also think of examples of times you’ve used those skills. Think of it as application and interview prep, only you can sell yourself when it comes to applying for new roles. Good luck, I’m sure you can do this OP!

I forgot to add that my degree is also in English Literature. An Eng Lit degree hones your analytical skills, as well as improving communication and language skills. And a whole load of other skills too. And yes, finance and creative arts don’t seem related on the surface, but there were definitely transferable skills to my new role.

And when it comes to jobs applications, it’s said that a man will apply for a role as long as he has some of the essential skills whereas a woman, like you, will think she needs all of them plus most of the desirable. So I would say that if the job description sounds interesting, and you think you are capable of doing it even if you can’t tick all the skills off, I would apply. Emphasise a willingness to learn new skills.

I disagree with the full time hours, I work my 37.5 hours and my company is big on ensuring we are supported enough to do our work in our contracted hours. Sometimes I’ll work a bit extra, but they’ll then insist I take some lieu time to make up for it. So don’t think it’s expected across the board, I’m sure there are plenty of employers out there who care about employee welfare and wouldn’t expect regular unpaid overtime.

Of course you degree still counts! I suspect your teaching qualification does too! Do you want to go back into education? You could start with a TA job and do some additional training from there.
My husband started doing teacher training at 42. This was based on his literature degree he got at 21. He had to sit a literacy and maths test. He's now teaching secondary English and he loves it.
Good luck in what you decide to do.

Ok, firstly, leading a team of 7 absolutely IS impressive. That is not a small team!

Secondly, coming from a female with 15 years of recruitment experience, not applying for jobs because you don’t tick every box in the person spec is a very female thing to do. There will plenty of men applying for those jobs who also don’t tick all of the boxes, and they’ll be getting interviews and getting the jobs.

Thirdly, but linked to my second point, you have loads of transferable skills. Think about the actual core competencies you have and go for roles that need them e.g. stakeholder management, team leadership, conflict resolution, time management etc, and convince someone to give you a chance to learn the specifics on the job. You may not be able to get the exact job you want right now, but you can certainly think about what you need to do to get there, and take some steps towards it.

A lot of companies offer “returner” programmes these days, which are usually unofficially targeted at women returning to the workplace after having career breaks to raise their children (they can’t officially target this demographic as it would be discriminatory towards anyone else, but the way the programmes are designed and advertised means that this is naturally and overwhelmingly the highest proportion of applicants). Try having a look for something like this!

Good luck!

My you have the confidence of a mediocre man in sales.

Their pot is abundant. Stop second guessing yourself and go for it. It's hard I know, but don't try don't get. You can make amazing things happen.

I read somewhere that men will apply when they only meet half the job description whereas women feel less confident and want to be able to tick most of the boxes. It's a big reason for gender pay gap apparently.

Seriously, if you can tick half the boxes you should apply. The job specs are a wish list rather and often not realistic.

I should also add that I returned to work after a 16 year career break! I did change career and I was massively surprised that I landed a great role fairly quickly. It was partly luck as they were struggling to fill the role during the pandemic. Not saying it's the same for everyone, but just wanted to give my positive story.

rarely do many people tick all the boxes on what a job requires and often its broad. Sometimes you just have to go for it and if its skills you can pick up just say.
im late 40’s in a admin job , ok pay and just applied for something else where I don’t meet all the criteria as my current job is driving me mad. I also stayed home for a few years with kids but for me they were the best years nd a career has never been that important to me, I just want to be doing a job I like . But go for jobs an see how it goes

Apply for jobs, even if you think you are not qualified.

Why ? because 90% of those who apply have zero common sense.

Today, I sent 60 questionnaires, via email to 60 people who applied for a job I have advertised.

The questions are in a list, numbered 1 to 16.

Now you'd think you'd get back a list of 1 to 16 replies but hell no, that would be too much hard work.

Just send a poxy string of maybe 5 or 6 answers in a text type message with no punctuation. Or write actual txt spk bullshit.

60 applications received that were not rejected, 60 emails sent, 15 replies and the 15th one is the first to write in a list !

Job isn't fantastic, but could end up an area manager with a car and about £30k in your pocket after a couple of years and near guaranteed job for life with some possibility of another promotion if suitable.

Just bring common sense !

Many women won’t apply for a job unless they meet 100% of the criteria, men are likely to apply if they meet 60%. Just apply, let the employers decide if it’s worth interviewing you, and if you get an interview they think your experience/qualifications are good enough for the role.

Something I have learned in recent years is that it’s worth applying for a role even if you’re not sure you meet the person specification completely. It’s a wish list. In my current team half of the new starters taken on after me haven’t met all the essential requirements on the person specification, but they met enough of them and had a good enough application to get an interview and then did well in their interviews.

I would also suggest checking if there’s still a national careers service. Pretty sure they can help you with things like finding jobs to meet your skills, CV writing, interview skills.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you have a lot going for you.

QTS is still valid no matter how long ago you got it.
You might not walk back into the classroom full time, but there’s plenty of supply work out there at the moment that you could do to refresh your skills and then apply for jobs from there.
If you happen to have a maths qualification (A level or above) then consider secondary too - good maths teachers are like rocking horse shit at the moment. Same for languages and some sciences.

I also had a career break because of kids and took over 10yrs out of the classroom (also a teacher).

I took on a short term TA role to get myself back into the classroom as I felt out of touch. Then I got registered with a supply teaching agency and did supply teaching. The fourth school I went to took me on permanently.

A teaching qualification is a teaching qualification and supply is a great way to find your feet and find a school you like

Just seen what your degree is in.
English is also a shortage subject at secondary. You could absolutely get back into teaching if you wanted to.

Same