To be so disheartened? I’ve left it too late.

[Lostcause999]

I’m 40, 2dc, single mum.

Im in a basically minimum wage job that I was lucky to get given my lack of experience and poor skills.
I’m overqualified (academically) for some things but because I got those qualifications 20 years ago they’re irrelevant in anything that is above minimum wage. I stupidly stopped working when I had my oldest dc, went back briefly in between them and then unexpectedly fell pregnant with my second dc. And again - stupidly - had three years out and stayed home with her.
This has left me largely unemployable. I’ve no money or time to retrain so I’m stuck.
Im too old for a career now. I’m feeling really disheartened that I’ve wasted my life like this and will never have achieved anything worthwhile or interesting.

I work for a university in admin and benefits are decent. Really good pension and I usually don't work over my hours.. in fact many people who work full time in HE don't work their hours, they work less, if you are efficient! So if you are going full time there are roles that you can stick to your hours and not work more unpaid. What kind of charity work do you do? Universities have fundraising roles in alumni. ... As others have said there are lots of return to work schemes and you can retrain easily. I was looking into coding recently as apparently the work life balance is great and pay is amazing. You can do free classes with code first girls. If you are looking at children/family work there are grad schemes like frontline that take mature people, in fact they probably prefer them. Agree with what others have said about getting back into teaching. I think it all depends on what you want to do? You can apply for full time jobs and then see if they will accept 4 days, I'm doing that... I could have written your post a year ago. I had some sessions with a therapist/life coach and it really helped to reset my mindset.. not sure where you are but in London this month on 23rd at the excel there is a free retrain event which looks good.

Start applying for stuff where you might not have all the essential criteria. I mean don't take the mick so if it says you need to drive a car then you probably need that one but project management - lots of your skills will be transferable to what you'd need to do for this.

I remember applying for a job in Wales and essential criteria said I needed to be able to speak Welsh. I can't speak a word of it and at interview I asked if that would be a problem and they said they had never had anyone apply that could but the organisation kept making them write it.

Could you return to teaching?

https://teaching-vacancies.campaign.gov.uk/return-to-teaching/

40 isn't too old to start over. Not by a long stretch.

I didn’t have a degree, had a good job in the City before and for a short while between DC. I had 8 wonderful years at home. When my youngest was settled in reception I needed something to do aged 43.

A quick assessment told me HR would be the easiest qualification to get. A part time HR job was offered at a local employer. It was very low paid but I didn't have to fund childcare. It was entry level admin. I checked the specification and mugged up on mail merging because I guessed that would be part of the test. I got it. I worked hard and showed an interest.

After a cpl of years they made me an assistant adviser post and I went full time, the extra money paid for childcare. Shortly after that they sponsored my CIPD exams. That was tough with study, job and family.

That was 20 years ago and I am now an HR director.

Never say never. Good luck.

I did my teacher training in the 90s, taught for a few years, then had a 17 year break where I did something else part time around my children. I went back to teaching 4 years ago and have just started a leadership job. If you want to teach again, it is definitely not too late.

I barely ever work over my 35 hour week and I work full time. You may find that people do because your experience is in teaching and charities. Two sectors that underpay and overexpext from their staff.

Wow! Every moment with my child is precious. It’s not about what she achieves, it’s about love and nurturing. I can’t believe you said that.

Not RTFT and don't have specific advice.

But my mum, after 20+ years out of the workforce and never a career before that, studied for her PGDE and became a teacher in her late 50s.

Time and money may well be a factor, but it is definitely not too late.

I am not sure how universal it is, but in Scotland, a friend of mine is receiving considerable bursaries and childcare costs to study/retrain. Have you looked at what funding might be available to you?

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Re: "I'm 32 hours currently but work extra hours (unpaid) so it’s more like 38 most weeks. However most full time jobs are probably more like 45 hours, rather than 37.5 and in my experience everyone now does more hours than they should."

This is extremely typical of the charity sector, especially small/medium ones with bad management. But they don't usually pay minimum wage unless you work in a charity shop. Is that the case? If so, are the 7 people you manage volunteers? If you go higher up in volunteer management there's a lot more money to be made. With your education qualification you could apply for volunteer development & training roles, which you usually get at larger regional and national charities.

Fwiw I used to run a volunteering programme, then covid happened and I went into fundraising/grantwriting. They took the piss re excessive hours so I went freelance and make a lot more (and have more fun and opportunities).

Of course your qualification is valid.. you must have completed your training similar time to me. Find some supply agencies and get on their books. Get in some schools, build your experience and knowledge and a role will come from there….most teaching positions come through having already been in the school as they know if you are good!

I started my nursing degree in 2001 with several ladies who were the same age as my Mum - 48 at the time.

Sorry @Lostcause999 I have only read your posts so far, so this has probably already been suggested, but you sound very depressed to me. I look at all the experiences you have had, including getting a degree in English literature, and having been a teacher, and even after a reasonable gap in teaching you were still wanted back!

Then on top of all of that you have been a single stay at home Mum, so not only do you have first hand 24/7 hours experience with very young children, but also you have had plenty of experience at budgeting and planning, and making purchasing choices... I can't even begin to list here all of the relevant life experiences you have had for a wide range of careers, but if you can't find your confidence on your own, many job types have short refresher courses at colleges and on work placements.

So, I come back to my original thoughts, you do seem to me to be quite badly, but also understandably, depressed. As you haven't mentioned your DCs father/s at all, I presume that you haven't even had someone else who you can trust implicitly to only have your DCs best interests at heart. So you may have had to make all of the major decisions about their lives and welfare all on your own - and that is on top of having to make all the day to day decisions on your own as well.

I think you need theraputic counselling, and some advice on what support there is for single parents available in your area. I hope that you (unlike me) have at least one close, sensible and intelligent friend who you can spend even an occassional evening with, having some wine (or whatever your tipple of choice is), and maybe putting the outside world to rights (if you do come up with some good ideas maybe send them to your favourite national newspaper, with copies to your MP and the Prime Minister, and the leader of your favourite Political Party!! 🫢😉), or just a good old chinwag about your favourite books, music, TV programmes etc. I don't think that we should always focus on the shit in our lives, we need times to relax, and to not always be in our most serious and responsible adult modes.

So if you think that there is any chance that you may be depressed then please try hard to get a double, face to face appointment with your GP, and tell them that even if the mental health care in your area is self referral, you just don't feel like you have the emotional energy to do all of that on your own at the moment. If you are offered any antidepressants to help tide you over this particularly difficult period in your life, along side some counselling, and/or some group talking therapies, then please give taking them some serious consideration - they can make such a difference if taken under expert supervision.

I do hope that on this occassion I am completely wrong, and that you don't feel down or depressed at all, and if that is so, I am sure that you have already had lots of Mumsnetters telling you that you are of course young enough to start your career life again from scratch, if that is what you want. If they have, please believe them. I hope you are feeling much more positive soon OP, your adult life so far has shown that you have managed brilliantly, and I know that you can and will, continue to build on that 🩷🌻x

I hate to break it to you OP but you have another 27 years of work until retirement age.

So you have more work ahead of you than behind you.

So … you may as well go for it!

I started my career after years at home with dc when I was 38. I'm now fully established in my chosen profession and still probably have 25 years of work ahead of me, if not more.... 40 certainly isn't too old to start a career.

Haven’t you heard that there’s a massive teacher shortage? They’d bite your hand off to get you back working as a teacher! You would also be a highly skilled desirable migrant who could get a visa to emigrate somewhere else, if that was appealing or possible.

Would you be interested in working in a university professional role (anything from project management, change and improvement, marketing, finance, HR, education services, operations, events…) Please PM me if this sounds of interest at all and I can give a bit of info on the sector- I have an English lit degree and was a Primary teacher and this was my switch and I worked my way up. Loads of variety in types of role, 37.5 hr week I would think with most (and many would have some family friendly flexibility of start or finish times I’d think).

It's never too late for work.
Do not be disheartened about having a career or big job. You had the hardest job in the world - being a present mum to your kids and you were there for them when they needed you the most - never regret this!
I regret not having children sooner because of my career.

You have experience with children + your previous jobs - look up some jobs in the NHS ( nursery nurse for eg) or look up for work with a nursery. Another idea - retrain to become a NCT practitioner and help new parents on their journey - rewarding and flexible job (https://www.nct.org.uk/get-involved/train-be-nct-practitioner ). There are some jobs out there that do not require another diploma or retraining, and can offer opportunities of going up the ladder.
To do not let people around you or media make you feel less worthy bc of a job. I spent too much time studying, training, specialising for my job and would gladly give it all up to be a stay at home mum if I could afford it...

Is there the potential to work your way up in this part time position? Or use it to climb up the industry?

You've got a teaching qualification and a degree in English literature. That's a pretty good start.
You do sound defeatist and negative though .
Perhaps see a careers advisor / counsellor.

Degrees never become irrelevant. You are relatively young and this is the time to retrain if you want to.

What about step up to social work? You have degree already and it's on the job training so you get paid whilst studying

My opinion is very different. I personally think what a great parent stepping away from career and giving time to your children, time you won't ever get back. I gave up a very good career once we decided we wanted children because I knew i wanted to spend every moment with them until school started. We now have 4 and I don't regret a minute of it. More fulfilling than my career. Once I do work again I don't care what I do tbh, I could update a couple of certificates and get back to the career I had but since I don't want to work full time and wish to do school runs and pick ups a bog standard shop job will do me

Please don't be disheartened, it's never too late! Your degree doesn't expire, and as far as I know you could return to teaching, even doing supply to suit the hours you need?

I also felt that I had missed the boat, my career took a completely different route than planned. Then 20 years after I got my undergrad degree I started a masters and am about to qualify. Another postgrad might not be an option for you, but don't rule it out. You might be able to find a diploma you can do in a year.

Good luck and remember your worth! 💪🏼

Im going to explore some of the links people have suggested - thank you! Maybe I need to try and be more positive. I look at job specs and application forms and I just think it’s hopeless.

My confidence is very low and I feel like I’m on the scrap heap.