To be so disheartened? I’ve left it too late.

[Lostcause999]

I’m 40, 2dc, single mum.

Im in a basically minimum wage job that I was lucky to get given my lack of experience and poor skills.
I’m overqualified (academically) for some things but because I got those qualifications 20 years ago they’re irrelevant in anything that is above minimum wage. I stupidly stopped working when I had my oldest dc, went back briefly in between them and then unexpectedly fell pregnant with my second dc. And again - stupidly - had three years out and stayed home with her.
This has left me largely unemployable. I’ve no money or time to retrain so I’m stuck.
Im too old for a career now. I’m feeling really disheartened that I’ve wasted my life like this and will never have achieved anything worthwhile or interesting.

Nursery was great but I wish my mum had been a SAHM alike you.

When my aunt was 39 her husband walked out and moved to Portugal leaving her with four children and completely isolated. She retrained as a teacher and just retired at 65.

I think you've done the best thing for your family. For women, sometimes (and IMO quite rightly so!) DC take priority and you've done the most important job, looking after and nurturing two children.

40 is no age, of course you have time. You've obviously got the brain so what's stopping you?!

Go for it! 😃

There are lots of opportunities out there. You could apply for graduate schemes and work your way up. There are plenty of people of different ages on them so don’t be put off as you’re not a recent graduate. Normally you just need a degree and to pass some online tests and interviews. Then once you get in you have opportunities to advance far in the organisation.

You could also get into the civil service where you can advance through the different ranks. Or another large organisation.

If you started working after you graduated, at 40, you're still not even halfway through your working life. So plenty of time left to retrain, get promoted, etc.

Is there a refresher course you could do for teaching? Or supply work?

I'd think that a degree and teaching qualification would mean you'd be able to apply for lots of roles in the charity sector, especially working with children and young people.

Similar here, I gave up my career and had almost 10 years career break. I was lucky to be accepted a 25k role - I was 42, no one wanted to believe I was good enough 😢, that is almost 7 years ago now, I had redundancy, job changed, promotion since, now earning over 50k so it is possible, sounds like you should keep looking because my first job was a 'dead end' job too but I was not confident enough to look for another job until they made me redundant (best thing ever!).

I would keep working (possibly find different job) if I could go back in time, I can see the whole family can benefit greatly financially if I didnt gave up my career.

Anyway, since we can't change the past, we better off focus on the things we can change now. It's not late but don't stay in a dead end role, start looking for opportunities!

Good luck.

I used to work for Medecins Sans Frontieres, the aid agency. We had a Canadian nurse who had had children in her twenties, and I think was a SAHM or, if she worked, she wasn't qualified in anything, can't remember now. When her children were in their twenties she got a nursing degree, a little work experience in nursing, and went to work for MSF in various places- I met her in the DR Congo. Not that I'm advocating that for you, I mean they were dangerous places and it's everyone's life goal, but she'd had a pretty 'ordinary' life up to the point. (I think she'd got divorced when the kids grew up.)

Sorry that was worded really poor! Of course DC always take priority, I mean the full time care of DC.

Sorry if I missed this but have you actually applied for any of these roles? It's rare to have all of the attributes on a job req - it doesn't necessarily mean they won't consider you.

I went to college as a mature student to do an access course to go to uni.

There were about 20 of us ranging from about 22-45.

There were 4 people in their 40s and each one got accepted on to a medicine degree to train to be doctors.
Only a couple of the younger ones got on.

Many employers (and universities) want more mature people to work for them and I wouldn’t let your age put you off.

As a PP said, it’s your low confidence that is going to be your main issue.
You are still young!

This!

I've applied for and been awarded jobs where I didn't even meet all of the essential criteria.

It's how you present yourself - even if you don't strictly meet the criteria you can apply the skills you do have to those scenarios.

Charities do not pay well, I'd look further afield.

I’m a teacher in my late 30s. We’ve had plenty of teaching students who are older than me who have just finished a degree and started teacher training. 40 isn’t too old to get a career.

i joined the civil service in my late 30s. Got promoted a couple of times did my depts equivalent of the Fast Stream and I’m on over £65k and I love my job!

It’s never too late. You need to take the blinkers off and apply outside the charity sector. Good admin people are in demand everywhere.

A degree is still a degree … it does not devalue due to when you achieved it. The same as a teaching qualification.

do you wish to return to teaching? If so that is an are to peruse. I have a teacher friend who had a massive career break due to bringing up her family, returned to teaching and is now promoted etc.

I know lots of people that changed career in their 40s. There is a great article each week in The Guardian about people that have changed their life after 60. Never say never.

I was a dental nurse and there were always 40+ women on the course, every year!

I think you’re still young and have a whole life ahead of you still to be lived.

Thought patterns like this are just depressive thoughts. Acknowledge them as such, then look at your actual options.

Loads of great suggestions on here.

Once you start in any one direction, it will open doors for you and you will see more and more possibilities.

Things can and will look very different in a years time.

I spent a lot of years as a sahm, few part time jobs, when I split with ex dp after 21 years I worked as a carer for 5 years, decided at 45 that as I had many working years ahead of me I should do something that I had real interest in.
I'm now in my 2nd year of uni training to be a paramedic, debated so much about how I was too old, long time out of education, am I just deluding myself that I can do it etc
I love it, I'm with a room full of people young enough to be my kids when I'm at uni and as I'm not a confident person at the best of times I was dreading being the odd one out but it's been the best thing I've ever done.
Don't worry about your age, retrain, change direction, as others have said you have a long time to be working till retirement.

What did you do (if it's not too outing)?

Please don't put yourself down by saying you are stupid. You are the opposite hence why you are motivated to do better!!

It's called #motherhooded

Ask your co re any interesting promo opps , or take on more responsibility to get experience.

You can 100% do it but need to plan where you want to go and the small steps to get there!! 😘XXX gogirl

Your achievements sound pretty good to me @Lostcause999 . I don't think teaching qualifications age out that quickly, especially at primary. It's not like working with IT where a qualification becomes redundant.

Being called Team Leader sounds impressive to me, too.

I think you're a bit down and maybe feel it's worse than it is. x

Love this!

Supply teaching? Our local schools are desperate for them.

First you need to work out what do you want? What would make you happy? Office job? Healthcare? Teaching? Full time or part time? Charity sector always pays poorly I think so you have to choose between that or higher wages. Which is more important?

What is your dream job?

I know how you feel actually because when you read those job adverts and you like the sound of the job but have precisely none of the experience needed it can really get you down.

But I too have an English degree and QTS and the same (maybe less) teaching experience and I last worked 10 years ago and tomorrow I’ve got a teaching interview for a maternity cover. So it’s perfectly possible if you want to do that. I don’t think I do actually, I’ve got bad feelings about returning to teaching and all the crap it involves but I do think I owe it to myself to give it a go.

Ideally I would like a different career but not sure what…

Anyway, you have the teaching option if you want. Supply or maternity cover to get you back in.