To be so disheartened? I’ve left it too late.

[Lostcause999]

I’m 40, 2dc, single mum.

Im in a basically minimum wage job that I was lucky to get given my lack of experience and poor skills.
I’m overqualified (academically) for some things but because I got those qualifications 20 years ago they’re irrelevant in anything that is above minimum wage. I stupidly stopped working when I had my oldest dc, went back briefly in between them and then unexpectedly fell pregnant with my second dc. And again - stupidly - had three years out and stayed home with her.
This has left me largely unemployable. I’ve no money or time to retrain so I’m stuck.
Im too old for a career now. I’m feeling really disheartened that I’ve wasted my life like this and will never have achieved anything worthwhile or interesting.

My best friend at university was 48 when she started our course. She went on to do a 3 year mental health course after working for a couple of years following graduation, followed by a masters, and now has a very good job. She's effectively starting her career at age 60, but she absolutely loves it, and has no regrets whatsoever.

I don't see this fascination with a career being the be all and end all.

You have two beautiful children.

When you are on your death bed and thinking of it all I doubt having a good career will make you feel all warm and fuzzy but having your two children by your side will.

Do you want to work in education?

You have a teaching qualification and experience, of course it doesn't time out. You could go back to teacher any time you wanted to.

You could become a self employed driving instructor. Work your own hours, work around the family, take hols when you want to, work at much as you want to, money is better than minimum wage. I qualified aged 55

If It's any consolation OP I am in a similar position but worse-in that I did TWO degrees(M.A) and have never used either of them. I could not establish my career at all, worked for a bunch of awful companies and i haven't even had children either. I've just never managed life well enough for anything. I also retrained in my thirties and never made much out of my diploma either. I'm rubbish at such things.

However, I am hopeful! I am a similar age-and I am really looking for a career now. I dont think I am too old at all.
I had some bad luck last year-I was offered two jobs and chose one, and was made redundant when the company liquidated just two months later! I so should have taken the other BUT! The fact is, I was offered those two jobs. And I wanted them both for different reasons.
You have some great transferable skills. Ageism isn't as prevalent as it used to be. It sounds as if you 'feel' old. 40 isn't old. Some companies may see it as a major advantage in fact-you aren't going to leave for somewhere 'better', you aren't going to leave to have children, you aren't going to suddenly decide to move to a different city (I don't LIKE these judgements as of course you could do any of those things, I am just saying some companies may prefer someone 'fully fledged'). Your age may not hold you back like you think it will. I've known people start new careers a lot older than 40.

I think you need to look at how you are talking about yourself.

You have a primary education degree, 6 year of teaching experience, and manage a team of 7 people. Plus, you have raised 2 children.

That's not nothing.

Try to reframe how you are selling yourself and even how you are thinking about yourself - you could easily get a decent job in a charity with that kind of experience if you speak about yourself with more confidence.

Sorry I've only read the first couple of pages so apologies if this has already been said but honestly I'd avoid the charity sector as it plays into all your worries about being underqualified for basic jobs. It's massively oversubscribed as a sector, therefore meaning that even basic jobs can have very high requirements but for low pay. Lots of people desperate to break in after having done 12 internships already. Or at least, that's what it was like a few years ago when I was in it.

Someone else suggested the civil service - I'd definitely second that! They are extremely open-minded about considering all types of prior experience and there is an extremely straightforward and transparent career ladder. It's also mind-bogglingly easy to switch between completely unrelated fields... Find out which departments have offices near where you live and sign up to job alerts on Civil Service Jobs. They have some interesting blogs on their website from experienced civil service to give you a flavour of the breadth of work you could do. https://www.civil-service-careers.gov.uk/blogs-from-experienced-civil-servants/

I’m your age and I know quite a few mum friends who have had career changes or are trying something new now. Sounds like you just need some proper careers advice. It’s not like you’ve no qualifications and have never worked.

The thing with that kind of absolutist thinking is that it lets you off the hook from even trying. From putting in the work that other people put in to build there careers.
The pay off from deciding that it is too late is that you don't have to do it. The downside is feeling depressed about it at times.
You get to choose though. No one can do it for you, same as everyone else. But if you choose to do it you will probably end up somewhere far better than you could actually imagine from here.

Someone has suggested counselling. I would not go into that if I were you. It's flooded and people don't have the money in the current climate. NHS requires more than just a qualification-lots of extra training and expense.

you are absolutely not too old to start a new career!! The world is not what it used to be and life experience as well as parenting experience is actually really invaluable. Go back to uni part time/evenings/online! You are only 40, your life is still very much ahead of you!

Your qualifications are not irrelevant and I can’t believe you are unemployable OP. I stopped working when I had our first DC and didn’t go back to work until our youngest went to secondary school. I had 15 years away from paid employment. When I decided to return to work the only issue I had was a very young lady at an agency I approached assuming my grade A o’levels were not equivalent to GCSE passes - I did have to get her to do some research to confirm that I had “ acceptable” literacy skills 😂. In the end I didn’t bother with the agency - I just went for the direct approach and got the second job I applied for.

Have you looked at local universities? Often they'd have a temp bank type thing which can be a good way in without having to go through the formal interview process for a specific job. Then you can try out lots of different areas of the university and take advantage of usually fairly decent learning and development offering (often there'll be CV and interview skills in there -- I went to one of these a couple of years ago and they said lots of people will scrutinise person specifications and decide that they can't do the job because they don't have experience of every single item on the list- so don't bother applying. Whereas, of course, jobs always go to people who are don't have experience/ are weaker in some areas = apply for things you don't quite meet the criteria for.)

Also aren't they crying out for teachers? Perhaps you could get a TA/ cover supervisor position and go back in that route, I'm sure your qualification still works!

In the nicest possible way, the problem here is definitely your attitude.

But that's good news as it's easier to change your approach than it is to change reality, and our here in reality you've got a decent CV and enough time to make a career for yourself.

You've got management experience, that's great. Why are you saying you "only" manage 7 people? My friend manages 3 people remotely and earns £54k.

English literature used to be a degree that didn't really lead to anything but that's changed with the advent of the internet. Can you write decent copy? So many words needing written... marketing copy, press releases, web copy, blogs etc etc.

Have you look at online jobs? Include them in your search it'll give you more options.

What kinds of jobs would you actually want to do, if you could magically have any qualifications and experience you liked? Have a think about what your ideal might be.

I'm 54 and just moved into social media management this year and have been asked to become a Director next year. No experience, I interviewed amazingly apparently and I can do the job. My life was spent in sales previously.

Your qualifications are still valid.
I know in law there’s a women returners course aimed at people who have had a career gap, is there anything similar for teaching.
I’d recommend looking for something at your Council. You can access training eg IT and self improvement type courses and generally a supportive culture.
I’ve always worked but had a complete change of field in my 40s, best thing I’ve done. Lots in my team done similar.

You have had a career - bringing up children - and a very precious thing it is. Do not underestimate what your important contribution to the future has been.

I don't know how old you are, but I retrained at 50 and went on to have a happy new career for 10 years. It is all a matter of looking at this positively.

It's not too late at all. You're 40 not 90! My Mum graduated at 50 and had a very successful career until she retired as 65 and that was 20 years ago. Plus changes in career are even more normal nowadays.

You've got one life so go grab it!

Chin up op - it’s absolutely not too late to do something else!! Leap and the net will appear. You definitely aren’t over the hill!!! You’ve also not wasted your life working to make someone else rich whilst your kids were young. I’d say if you can get a job you enjoy that pays you a decent wage, you’ve won all round. Don’t underestimate the opportunities that are out there- get out there and look for something better. I promise it’s there you just have to find it!!! Xx

It is incredibly rare that people gain that elusive fulfilment via their career. It is in fact easier to achieve it outside of work constraints. Equally, when people regale me with the most interesting stories of their life, mostly it has nothing to do with their jobs.

I've had "careers". But I'm the happiest now in a smidgen above the minimum-wage part time job that allows me to fully shut the door on it at the end of the shift and leaves enough free time to actually do the things I love on my own terms.

I can't even say what I would study if I was to put myself through some higher education again. I'm just not inclined that way anymore. I will, however, take any number of building courses so I can crack on with the massive project that is my crumbling house. I enjoy it, it's challenging, it's rewarding, no two days are the same, I answer to myself, I can take off days as I please and I'm adding to my assets.

I am also painting art which has seriously taken off and can bring in more money than my current job does with just one painting. But I need to get the house done before I take the leap (one thing at a time!).

To achieve something, you just need to do something but it doesn't have to be your job or education.

I work for a charity now - which is why I’ve been looking at other charities.

There are some useful ideas here! I was actually offered a teaching role back at my old school before I took this charity job, I thought the charity job would be different to how it is… it’s not been what I expected it to be and I think overall has made me less employable.

I won’t apply for anything unless I’ve got all the essential and most of the desirable. Maybe that’s why I’ve not applied for anything 🤣
Ideally I only want 30 hours, I still have a primary aged dc, but that restriction makes finding something even harder so I may have to accept that I need to be full time. I’m 32 hours currently but work extra hours (unpaid) so it’s more like 38 most weeks. However most full time jobs are probably more like 45 hours, rather than 37.5 and in my experience everyone now does more hours than they should.

It’s defintley not too late at all!! I’m at university and lots of postgraduate students are 40+ Most having a complete career change.

You’re never starting from scratch as you have many transferable skills.

Get a professional CV done and they will be able to include some of the skills you’ve learned as well as your degree etc. https://www.giraffecvs.co.uk/

Your qualifications will be completely relevant and fine. You could just apply for teaching roles again if you fancied it (it hasn’t changed that much I don’t think). On the other hand you may not want to (I completely understand) but even still the fact you have a degree and a teaching qualification should get still be valid for any job. The charity sector job sounded good. I wouldn’t be too put off by the job jargon.

Look at the allied health professions - people retrain in their 50’s!