To be so disheartened? I’ve left it too late.

[Lostcause999]

I’m 40, 2dc, single mum.

Im in a basically minimum wage job that I was lucky to get given my lack of experience and poor skills.
I’m overqualified (academically) for some things but because I got those qualifications 20 years ago they’re irrelevant in anything that is above minimum wage. I stupidly stopped working when I had my oldest dc, went back briefly in between them and then unexpectedly fell pregnant with my second dc. And again - stupidly - had three years out and stayed home with her.
This has left me largely unemployable. I’ve no money or time to retrain so I’m stuck.
Im too old for a career now. I’m feeling really disheartened that I’ve wasted my life like this and will never have achieved anything worthwhile or interesting.

You have 28 years until state retirement age approximately

Plenty of time to try different jobs and or retrain

Have you looked at the Return to Teaching support available?

https://teaching-vacancies.campaign.gov.uk/return-to-teaching/

@Lostcause999, well, life doesn't need to be like that.

Is there anything that you could do to try to make yourself feel a bit better? Do you think it might be worth talking to your GP. You don't need to answer here, I just wondered if it might help you to think about things.

In my experience, parents are far better at having boundaries in teaching and living by the principle of “Aim for done rather than perfect”. I loved working with parents who bring a wealth of experience, knowledge and skills regardless of any job prior to becoming a parent.

A man would apply for that job, so why not you? If you’ve been a teacher and now run a team of 7 then you absolutely tick all the boxes with regards to project management etc. I used to work for a charity and I’d interview you if you had a coherent cv that didn’t do yourself down.

40? You've got a long time ahead of you. Retrain in a field that interests you. Just get your toe in the door and by the time you're 45 you'll be in charge.

Honestly I think it's your attitude that's causing you problems. You're being really pessimistic and defeatist.

How can you say that the years you spent with your children was time wasted?

You're only 40. Your degrees don't just 'expire'. Get some new classroom experience doing supply or something and you'd be back in primary in no time.

@Lostcause999 Don't give up. I did a Dip Ed after a BA, but not the qualifying year, because at that point I detested schools and teachers. I got a job outside education till I was almost 40. Moved to different part of country, ran out of money; couldn't teach in maintained sector as I didn't have QTS (which I think you have). Did bits of volunteering in local schools, asked about, got a cover post in a private school; moved to another, talked head into training me in EFL/ESL because they needed someone to teach children with very little English. Talked next head into funding me for MEd. Ended up as head of department.

If I cd do it, you can. Doesn't have to be in education but find out exactly what kind of school-based job you cd do using your existing qualifications. Degrees are not about acquiring information but about being able to learn. Use all your contacts, go to agencies, Careers advisers - whatever it takes. Go on - get started!

Good luck.

I feel you OP.

I'm slightly younger but still, in my late 30s. Kids are teens now. Worked all my life in minimum wage in retail and care, I liked both jobs to be honest, but now I have a medical issue which means absolutely no lifting or being on my feet all day, so no physical jobs, pretty much any jobs I am qualified to do, are out.

Not really time to retrain, as universal credit expect me to be working full time with my kids being nearly adults.

I'm terrified to be honest. Of how I will support myself. I keep seeing jobs that I think I could do - admin roles, addiction support worker, housing jobs, but I don't even meet the essential criteria let alone the desirable.

Hopefully we will get there. I did an admin course, it took me two years and still that was low level. I'm looking into volunteering to get a reference.

What's your job? Thanks

As for experience, don't be put off if you don't have it all. No project management experience? No problem. Assume they'll train you up!

OP LOTS of women have had zig zag stop-start careers with salary implications. You're being really down on and unfair to yourself.

Whatever, you are where you are.

Citizens Advice might suit you, lots of opportunities for diverse projects, training which will upskill, gain confidence and if you're good/suitable you may be offered a job after 6 months of volunteering.

I don't understand why teaching isn't an option? There's a shortage of Eng Lit teachers at the moment too. Any retraining would be minimal given your qualifications.

Just to add, current thinking is that people will have more than one career over the course of their working lives.

Agree with all the advice that it’s not too late!
but also, just as a an aside that may cheer you up, as someone who took one years mat leave with each kid (2 DC’s 9&7) and otherwise pretty much worked full time all their lives, I’m now early 40ies with an okay-ish career which has potential if I want to focus a bit harder on it, but I feel like I missed out a lot of my kids younger years and for what? A mediocre career and paying the bills. All I want now is go part time to have more time in the last previous years of DC’s childhood, but I can’t, as I’m the higher earner, so stuck like this. May give you a different perspective that the years spent with yours kids wasn’t a waste.

OP,

The thing that blatantly strikes me is the fact you link a mere job (because that's all a career really is at the end of the day, it's nothing more than a way to pay bills at a higher salary that the norm) to your sense of self.

You have a primary teaching qualification? So build on it... enroll on a teaching assistant degree and work your way back up to being the teacher instead of a TA. You're 40. You've got over 20 years until you're of an age you retire (if you choose to do so) you're no where near done if you don't want to be.

Your children have absolutely benefited from having their mom around in the early years, a baby sitter is not a stand in for you. They will never have the bond or need they have with you from anyone else. Don't put the hard work you've done raising two completely new and dependant human beings on the back burner. That in itself is an admirable achievement.

"My degree is in English Literature so it wouldn’t be a very desirable degree I wouldn’t have thought?" I don't see why not! English hasn't changed that much, although you might want to check the modern exam syllabi and read up on fashionable texts...

OP, why are you looking at working for charities? They often pay horribly badly. Also, if you have a teaching qualification have you actually looked at what you would need to go back to it? I think there is some kind of government service that is all about helping people get back to work. Helps with CVS etc. I’ll see if I can find it

Don’t stress about fulfilling every bit of criteria on the job advert - that’s not necessary to be successful. What’s that statistic- men will apply if they meet 30% of the criteria and women only if they meet 100%

just think like a man!

You're not too old to retrain, you have had / do have better jobs than some, your time with your DC wasn't a waste. Tbh, sounds like the problem you have is with your perspective - could you be depressed? I'd say this is the biggest barrier to your happiness, not your past choices or future opportunities.

https://skillsforlife.campaign.gov.uk/courses/national-careers-service/#:~:text=From%20guidance%20on%20skills%20and,you%20take%20the%20next%20step.

would this be any use?

It's still a long time to retirement, you're definitely not too old! I started medical school at the age of 39.

No, it isn't.

I think the main issue here is that you sound so low and very hard on yourself. When you feel like that it's hard to see anything positive.

I trained as a nurse and qualified at 30. There were people on my course who were in their 50's. Life experience holds a lot of value, please remember that.

OP your academic qualifications are great!

You just need to focus on getting experience in the industry you want now.

How old are your DCs?

As a single parent it’s very difficult having a high flying career, but as they get older it’s much easier to work long hours and do extra training.
You’ve still got at least 20 years of working.

I have email alerts from indeed and it emails me when a similar job to the ones I’m interested in come up.
I can then look at what they’re looking for and work towards trying to get it.

And just apply for things.
You’ll be surprised how many employers hire people because they think their personality will fit in with the team and they’re willing to train them up.

I missed out on my perfect job and their feedback was fantastic.
I then got a role in a similar field, hoping that if the job comes up again I will have more of a chance to get it.
I absolutely love the job I’m in now and in the future there are opportunities to move up and so I may not want to go for the other job if it comes up anyway.

As a PP said they do adult apprenticeships now too and there are often lots of trainee jobs.