To shout "GO!" to your wife at roundabouts?

[Yomuma]

Okay so maybe this isn't exactly earth shattering in importance but interested to get opinions!

DH is a very confident driver. He does a lot of miles with work, he loves driving, he is really top notch in that department, I don't deny.

I am what I would call a safe driver, and what he calls slow. And whilst being very competent behind the wheel is one of his strengths, being patient in the passenger seat isn't.

Recently this has resulted in him, when I pull up to a roundabout, shouting to me "GO! GO!"

This has two effects. One, my brain goes "aaah go stop go stop what am I doing!!!" and second, I get an overwhelming urge to rip off the steering wheel and hit him over the head with it.

Now, he says - well, if there is a space you need to go, so just listen to me!! And hurry up!?

I say - ahhhh shut up you bossy bossy boots!!

AIBU in my reaction?

Are you one of those idiotic drivers that stop dead at roundabouts, as if they're at a crossroad, even when it's evident it is clear?

My MIL does this, drove me insane!!

Surely not - sob feebly, ask him to get out and walk round to the driver's seat, while you slide over into the passenger's seat. Then (you'll need to be alert here, to know whether you need to change into reverse) run him over.

Early in our relationship my now husband put the indicators on as he thought I should be turning left. I continued straight on and the guy coming out the junction nearly hit us. Words were had.

Absolutely this! My H does this a bit. I have told him I drive, I decide. I am a fairly shit driver, but being yelled at has (astonishingly) never delivered any improvement.

😂

It is dangerous to interfere with anyone's driving except to give a warning in a situation where the driver may not have been able to see a problem. If you don't like the way someone drives, walk. If it's someone close to you and they are not driving safely, it's time to sit down and talk about it. Unsafe driving is generally people taking too many risks. Hesitant driving can be dangerous in some circumstances, but having a higher threshold for coming out on a roundabout isn't dangerous; if someone is extremely hesitant then there may be a 'let's talk about it' problem. But you talk about it at home, not while someone is driving.

I sometimes don't pull out onto a roundabout when a () behind me who got a horn for Christmas thinks I ought to. It's almost always because I can see something they can't- a cyclist, or whatever. Sometimes it's even due to the lousy road positioning of things like vans in other lanes- the hornblower behind me can see it's clear, but I can't, and they are too stupid to work that out.
If everyone signalled at roundabouts properly, they would operate more freely. One thing I will not* *do is jump out in front of vehicles on a roundabout on the basis that it looks like they might be turning left before my entry to a roundabout, but they aren't signalling left.

Can we further caveat that you need to check your exit is clear? I had one idiot honk at me for pausing longer (a mere few seconds, as it turned out) before moving off to the first exit because traffic was backed up all the way to the roundabout and if I'd joined them I'd have blocked drivers taking the second and third exits and potentially have caused a mess for an indeterminate amount of time.

Ditto drivers who want you to move forward in a queue such that you block a junction. It seems to be an affront to then when someone doesn't mindlessly move to fill up every inch of tarmac available at any given time.

Some drivers can't think more than one move ahead and should never play chess.

Which is, of course, entirely the fault of the driver behind, who is driving without due care and attention.

Were you taught to pull up and stop at roundabouts as opposed to approaching slowly and slotting into gaps

You need to talk to Hampshire Highways who appear to believe that good visibility at roundabouts is a bad idea because people should come to a complete stand at roundabouts even if nothing is coming. It is so annoying when they put fences and things up to stop you seeing onto the roundabout (example, M3 J5).

To the OP, tell him to be quiet, you're the driver.

Christ alive! How do you think shouting at him is going to improve his confidence or his timing? If you are worried he is actually dangerous then suggest he goes on an advanced driving course, but yelling at him is going to help nobody and will probably cause an accident at some point.

Happened to me once, a few years ago
Giving BIL a lift home after a night out, heavy rain
Shouted 'GO ON THEN!' at a junction
I then pulled over, leant across, opened his door and shouted 'FUCK OFF THEN!'
And he got out and walked home
Surprisingly he's never asked for a lift anywhere since

Are you OK?

One of my (teenager) dc once criticised my driving. The 5 mile walk home ensured it was a one off event.
Driver drives, passenger keeps it zipped.

Sure am. Can also spell.

@TheDandyLion did you get a new patio or has he only done it once as he learnt his lesson?

@Yomuma I feel your pain. I’m a chilled out driver. I know the limitations of my car (clapped out 14 year old fiat) vs my partners souped up ford cabrio something. I let folks out. I’m in no rush. It winds him up. Whereas I think he’s overconfident on country lanes, overtaking etc.

but when he’s driving I close my eyes and text my adult children to remind them where my will is. I passenge. He drives.

when I’m driving he used to like to give me helpful advice. About when I should overtake. Pull out of a junction. Who I shouldn’t have let out of side streets. Which parking space I should have gone in. And follow it up defensively with ‘im just saying’.

I may have lost my absolute shit with him and also started giving him helpful advice on EVERY. SINGLE. THING. he did around his house. Followed with ‘I’m just saying’ - reminded him that as he was so helpful with his driving commentary I realised I should return the favour. Washing up, hoovering… anything. It took one weekend before he’d lost the will to live.

no more comments on my driving.

I also would have made him sit in the back. If he wants to be a back seat driver that’s where he has to sit.

My mum is like this, it was so bad that I stopped the car on the M6 and made her drive. She still does it though. 😂

Just don't drive him anywhere.

Driver drives and judges when safe... passenger keeps mouth shut

My Dad does this to my Mum. It has frightened ME as a passenger from being a toddler right up until now-it frightens her so much too. Hate it. Tell him to STFU or drive himself. And if you WANT to be the driver, he also STFU!

My DP is as you describe your DH. Driving to her, is as natural as breathing. I can't deny that. However it doesn't mean I am absolutely crap and need a tutor at the side of me-my license is just as valid! She can be a bit 'chuntery' while I am driving, as in 'you should have gone then!' but very rarely, and never shouting!

She rarely 'lets' me drive to be fair, which I am fine with! Last time she did was to a party last year when she felt like having a drink and I didn't, so I insisted but that was more my doing so that she could have a nicer time.

My DP did that to me once. He never did it again because I kicked him out the car and made him walk 🙈

"DH is a very confident driver." = he will be the one that always cuts over the motorway slip road chevrons inferno of me because he has gone wrong and thinks he can statically re-join the motorway. He sounds a berk.

But not everyone can, and sometimes phones take over anyway. So it seems a bit OTT to shout (in text speak) at someone who misspells a word?

Ironically, in a thread about someone complaining about being shouted at for (possibly) not getting something right.

Unacceptable, rude, and potentially dangerous. The driver is in charge and should be respected as such. He can be quiet, get out, or drive himself. Do not stand for this OP!