Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriend not paying towards expenses after moving in with me and my children.

696 replies

Bumblebeee33 · 08/11/2023 10:32

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and decided to move in together with me and my two school aged children 6 months ago.

He moved into my place that I own outright with no mortgage.
Before moving in he told me he wanted to contribute to the outgoings.

Since moving in he has not contributed at all financially. He has said he is having a tough time financially and not earning from his work as he’s had a lot of clients drop off but has a big job at the end of the year which will bring him in a big cheque. However he still hasn’t offered or suggested to contribute then.

He will, on occasion, buy some groceries if we go to the supermarket together. He will also pick up things he likes to eat on his own time.

He doesn’t do housework as I pay for a cleaner for a few hours a week and then do the rest myself. He is not messy and tidies away his own things.

His child comes to stay every other weekend and I cook for him and we do things together as a family. Often I book these things for us.

When I say that I do a lot for him he sneers and says that I don’t. He doesn’t see that I am doing anything for him as I would ‘still do all the same things if he weren’t living here.’ Like pay the bills, cook, clean, look after the kids. He does his own laundry.

He comes home to a tidy, looked after home with dinner on the table. Although often he will just get a sandwich on the way back from work and not eat what I’ve made.

Before he moved in we used to spend time at his apartment (where he managed to pay the rent and bills and do the housework all alone) and would go away on breaks together and go for meals out. Most of which he would pay for. Since moving in we don’t do those things anymore. We have been away once and I booked, organised and paid for it all.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to contribute something towards the expenses or should I wait until he is in a better financial position?

OP posts:
waitholdup · 08/11/2023 10:34

I select YABU

"When I say that I do a lot for him he sneers and says that I don’t"
Why are you allowing him to live in YOUR house? for FREE??

BodenCardiganNot · 08/11/2023 10:34

You should just move the fucking leech right back out again.
Imagine being your child and having this foisted on you.

billyt · 08/11/2023 10:35

You've got yourself a cocklodger.

He needs to either start paying his way, or move back out.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/11/2023 10:35

Every. Single. Week.

Kick him the fuck out. Today. You’re taking money from your own children to pay towards an able bodied working adult and his child. Some “partner”.

Beanie567 · 08/11/2023 10:35

You’ve got yourself a cocklodger. What will you do about it?

NicecupofEarlGrey · 08/11/2023 10:35

He is a cocklodger and should pay for his expenses. He should in no way be expected to contribute towards your children though.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/11/2023 10:36

billyt · 08/11/2023 10:35

You've got yourself a cocklodger.

He needs to either start paying his way, or move back out.

That ship has clearly sailed. He’s had his chance.

Teentaxidriver · 08/11/2023 10:36

What a catch - move him out.

usedtobeasizeten · 08/11/2023 10:37

Do you HONESTLY believe you are being unreasonable? If so, why? Because I can’t get my head around why you would think that! He’d be out on his backside if it was me! Dump.

ToadOnTheHill · 08/11/2023 10:37

2 months in and the mask hasn't just slipped, it's been launched into space.

Dump.

Inwoulndy even have a conversation with someone with so little respect for me.

The sooner you kick him ot the better, not just to move on but to minimise the adjustment time for all the kids. It will be a short, sharp change back to how things were rather than dragging this out for a year. Plus you'll avoid the inevitable moaning about how you've slipped into half term care role for both parents and built a bond with his kids.

thetworonnies · 08/11/2023 10:37

He needs to move straight back out. He's not even pretending to be a decent partner.

Latenightreader · 08/11/2023 10:37

He is showing his true colours. Time for him to go. It will only get worse.

Quitelikeit · 08/11/2023 10:38

Kick him out. There would be no way back for me with a tight, greedy man like this and to think he views you in such a lowly manner that he risks his child getting to know you all the while assuming he isn’t risking your relationship by behaving like this

Clearly he doesn’t care if you dump him or the impact that would have in his son.

Be a good example to your children and do not accept this treatment a minute longer!

BrieEncounter · 08/11/2023 10:38

Didn't even read your post. On your title alone, he is an arse and you need to tell him to pay up or move out

LizardOfOz · 08/11/2023 10:39

There is a THIRD option - throw him out

As an aside should we ask Mumsnet HQ for a LTB button? To add to YABU & YANBU

Ibravedaflood · 08/11/2023 10:39

Lift your right hand and point your finger left /right and tell him that's where the door is. Seriously op he is sponging twat. He won't change.

Mumof3confused · 08/11/2023 10:39

He is showing you who he really is. The before bit was just a show to snare you.

Kick him out.

betterangels · 08/11/2023 10:40

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/11/2023 10:35

Every. Single. Week.

Kick him the fuck out. Today. You’re taking money from your own children to pay towards an able bodied working adult and his child. Some “partner”.

Definitely this. He saw you coming, OP. Your children deserve better. So do you, but they have no choice in the matter.

Tracker1234 · 08/11/2023 10:40

Why do women do this to themselves. Just women up and either sit down and discuss finances sensibly or move him on. It will only get worse

notacooldad · 08/11/2023 10:40

Op, you need him gone by the weekend.
why do you want someone in your house that disrespects you?
kick him to the curb.

Ihaterhymingrabbit · 08/11/2023 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

coolkatt · 08/11/2023 10:41

just get him the fuxk out. and be prepared for all the usual shit, i'll be homeless, i've got nothing, i love you etc etc.
what a shit bag.
if u don't throw him out then u need to accept what he is doing, or not doing. he's not going to change. and as for the big cheque. ull have a long wait for that getting cashed seeing as it won't actually exist. a liar and a cockledger. what a catch.

Lampzade · 08/11/2023 10:42

He needs to move out immediately and you need to consider whether this is the kind of man you want to stay with
Free sex , free food, free housekeeping and free accommodation. He is living the life of Riley.

RudsyFarmer · 08/11/2023 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

fishonabicycle · 08/11/2023 10:42

It's your house - he is horrible. Kick him out.