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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Boyfriend not paying towards expenses after moving in with me and my children.

696 replies

Bumblebeee33 · 08/11/2023 10:32

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and decided to move in together with me and my two school aged children 6 months ago.

He moved into my place that I own outright with no mortgage.
Before moving in he told me he wanted to contribute to the outgoings.

Since moving in he has not contributed at all financially. He has said he is having a tough time financially and not earning from his work as he’s had a lot of clients drop off but has a big job at the end of the year which will bring him in a big cheque. However he still hasn’t offered or suggested to contribute then.

He will, on occasion, buy some groceries if we go to the supermarket together. He will also pick up things he likes to eat on his own time.

He doesn’t do housework as I pay for a cleaner for a few hours a week and then do the rest myself. He is not messy and tidies away his own things.

His child comes to stay every other weekend and I cook for him and we do things together as a family. Often I book these things for us.

When I say that I do a lot for him he sneers and says that I don’t. He doesn’t see that I am doing anything for him as I would ‘still do all the same things if he weren’t living here.’ Like pay the bills, cook, clean, look after the kids. He does his own laundry.

He comes home to a tidy, looked after home with dinner on the table. Although often he will just get a sandwich on the way back from work and not eat what I’ve made.

Before he moved in we used to spend time at his apartment (where he managed to pay the rent and bills and do the housework all alone) and would go away on breaks together and go for meals out. Most of which he would pay for. Since moving in we don’t do those things anymore. We have been away once and I booked, organised and paid for it all.

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to contribute something towards the expenses or should I wait until he is in a better financial position?

OP posts:
WowOK · 08/11/2023 10:55
Throw It Out Trash Can GIF by Pudgy Penguins

Throw him out. He brings nothing to your life.

LaurieStrode · 08/11/2023 10:56

Why are you forcing this cocklodger and his kid onto your children??

MumLass · 08/11/2023 10:57

OP, the only unreasonable thing here is that you have to ask AIBU! Get rid!

SoddingWeddings · 08/11/2023 10:57

Throw him out.

Lazy wanker. He's using you for your money. Don't let him!

RandomButtons · 08/11/2023 10:59

“When I say that I do a lot for him he sneers and says that I don’t.”

kick him out now. He’s a waster and total cocklodger.

Jewelspun · 08/11/2023 10:59

'he sneers' - if my husband ever sneered at me he would have my foot up his arse as I booted him out of the front door.

Your boyfriend is an oxygen thief, a complete loser of a man. Why would you lower yourself to be used in this disgusting manner?

Raise your standards as right now you have none by allowing him to treat you like shit.

Fionaville · 08/11/2023 10:59

I can't even vote because the whole situation is so absurd. Read back what you've written and put yourself in the position of an outsider. Can you not see that you have a leech who has himself a free ride?

OhComeOnFFS · 08/11/2023 11:00

You have just written the definition of a cocklodger.

FFS get a grip of yourself and tell him to get out.

trulyunruly01 · 08/11/2023 11:00

You might be mortgage free but your bills will have increased. He has already cost you your 25% council tax discount. That could have gone into your kids savings.
He needs to go. If he's that great in bed then keep him as a booty call once a month or so.
If he ain't all that don't bother.

Floralnomad · 08/11/2023 11:01

You need to get rid of him , nothing is going to change here , he thinks he’s got it made - no bills , no work and presumably he gets sex as well .

BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn · 08/11/2023 11:01
need to stop kick out GIF

There's no dilemma here.

TheGoddessFrigg · 08/11/2023 11:02

Play him 'Bills Bills Bills' by Destiny's Child. Then kick his sneering arse out of the front door.

Treeinthesky · 08/11/2023 11:02

My bf pays shopping every week.120 quid. I pay all other bills. Seems to be quite common. I do not buy shopping n he enjoys filling the fridge. See if he will do this?

LadyDanburysHat · 08/11/2023 11:03

6 months you have let him live in your house and cost you money? How was he paying his bills before now? Kick him the fuck out. Even if he pays from now, he has still had the absolute lack of respect for you to let you bankroll him for half a year.

Mirabai · 08/11/2023 11:03

It’s very depressing that you’re even asking this question.

romdowa · 08/11/2023 11:03

Pack his shit and change the locks today. Where he goes is not your problem. Stop being a door mat for this guy and in future don't move men into your home.

LightSpeeds · 08/11/2023 11:03

You're providing the ungrateful entitled shite with a free home and lots more besides. Kick him out and let him go back to paying for his own life!

Lifesd · 08/11/2023 11:03

I honestly despair when I read these threads - do better for yourself and your children and kick this waster out.

Comedycook · 08/11/2023 11:03

Lovely arrangement for him.

no living costs
no housework
meals cooked
sex

#winning

get rid

HaveSomeIntrospect · 08/11/2023 11:04

of course it is not unreasonable to expect a grown man to pay for his own expenses.

Work out how much he and his child are costing you and tell him that is how much you expect from him or he has to move out!

billy1966 · 08/11/2023 11:04

Your poor children.

Their mother has moved in a user loser.

God help your children that you think so little of yourself and them to tolerate this.

He sneers at you?

Of course he does.

He knows he's moved in with a mug with zero self respect.

If you had self respect you would have packed his bags months ago and got him out of YOUR home.

Instead he sneers at you🙄.

Your poor children deserve so much better.

So do you.

Mirabai · 08/11/2023 11:04

LadyDanburysHat · 08/11/2023 11:03

6 months you have let him live in your house and cost you money? How was he paying his bills before now? Kick him the fuck out. Even if he pays from now, he has still had the absolute lack of respect for you to let you bankroll him for half a year.

Even if he starts paying his way now it speaks volumes for his ethics that he sponged for 6 months. And personally I couldn’t get passed the sneering at all the work OP does.

I would have kicked him out for that alone.

Hermione101 · 08/11/2023 11:05

He's taking money from your children!! Kick him out.

Viviennemary · 08/11/2023 11:05

He is a cf. Get rid.

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