If you are autistic do people often not answer the question you are asking but give a more generalised answer?

[Hotandsunny]

Just a thought that came to mind. I often find when I ask people questions about something very specific they don't seem to get it and just give you a general answer. I don't know what it is. But I have oftenish been in a situation where people just don't seem to understand what you are asking. So I was wondering if it was an autistic thing.

The example from today was I was doing a school appeal and the school had sent a list of rooms and room sizes as evidence that the school was full. I tried to question the school about what the different rooms were used for, about class sizes and what rooms the 6th form used. All the deputy head could do was repeat that Y7 was full.

I say you haven't answered my question and ask again and get the same reply. A member of the panel says to me I just don't like the reply I'm getting. I don't, because it doesn't answer my question.

This isn't an isolated incident by a long shot.

That's lovely, I'm sure she appreciates it.

Fine with me. This wasn't what my thread was about, anyway!

But you asked me why I asked questions after I was told the school was full. Well, because I was in an appeal and that's what you have to do. I really don't know how else to explain that to you. When the chair asked me to ask the school questions and I then did, you can hardly call that badgering!

This so much! Say what you mean! How is just repeating the same thing helpful? If you don't want to/can't answer say that!

There was a bit where I queried something, can't remember exactly what it was but for example 'is this how this part of the admission process works?' and she said 'more or less'...my head almost exploded! 😂 I mean surely with an admission process it either works like that or it doesn't. Doubt someone can win an appeal on 'more or less'!

My DH is autistic and finds this. I'm used to it now but I couldn't understand why he was saying I hadn't answered his question when I had I just hadn't answered it as precisely as he wanted.

Yes, I do also need the full information to be able to properly understand and fit things into place. I honestly don't understand getting a part answer. For example we have had 4 members of staff resign. But without knowing when they are leaving and if they are being/will likely be replaced how can you really know how this affects staffing levels?

My god, yes. Just today I asked for an email address to change an appointment that I couldn't make. Midwife emailed back with the phone number on the letter despite the whole point of my email being that I CAN'T USE PHONES AS I HAVE AUDIO PROCESSING DISORDER 😂🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Yes. It's having to interpret what they just keep saying the same thing means...is it they think I don't know that information, is it they don't know the answer, is it they are just being patronising, is it they don't want to give that information, is it they think it is irrelevant. Just communicate what you actually mean!

Thank you so much! I was so worried and thought I was going to have a breakdown it was so stressful! But yes, I like to think the bits of precise information I got which enabled me to back up my arguments helped.

Thank you so much!

Haha! How frustrating! I'm sure she didn't mean to be unhelpful but in that situation I would have just thought if I wanted the phone number I would have asked for the phone number, why would she think I wanted that? 🤯

If other people were also frustrated, I can't see how you could have thought this was a you problem and not a her problem.

Whether you are autistic or not was irrelevant. I would presume she wasn't prepared and so didn't have an answer, but didn't want to admit it.

They are probably just avoiding the question I this case but I have to reply to emails from schools as part of my job. The nonsense replies drive me mad!

I'll send them a report with instructions for each section, ask them to email it back with their responses.

I get quite a lot that just say "call me about this" (no, I have 250 schools, email me!), some that ask what to do with it (read it, follow the instructions), some answer yes/no questions with a seemingly unrelated paragraph of text, some answers some but not all of the questions and then complain when I send an updated list as they are convinced they have already answered the questions, others just tick all the boxes with no comments without actually doing anything implied by them ticking the boxes.

A small proportion will follow all the instructions and do the whole thing perfectly so it is possible. It makes me want to send them flowers or a gift certificate to thank them for their efforts.

I just think in this situation it triggered/confused me more than other people. Yes, they got frustrated but I just didn't understand why she wasn't answering my question. It is also a situation I've come across before.

That does sound very frustrating!

@Hotandsunny The stupidest part my autism and co-morbidities are all over my notes. The midwife at my booking in appointment made a special point of noting down that I'm not contactable by phone.

I feel like I'm shouting into the void sometimes 😂

Oh my goodness! It's so frustrating! And for me feeling I'm not being listened to is such a big trigger...probably because I get made to feel like that so often!

" I tried to question the school about what the different rooms were used for, about class sizes and what rooms the 6th form used. All the deputy head could do was repeat that Y7 was full." To me this sounds like you are asking a detailed plan of their day-to-day operations. You want to know at least 3 different things that are irrelevant as to why your child didn't get a place.

As you can see the question that you are asking and maybe the way a person understands that question can be different. They have may have interpreted as such or another way and that's why they didn't go into any further detail.

my son prefaces ever question by saying ‘question’. I often end up saying ‘you asked X- my answer is Y’.

and it needs to be specific- my dad once tried to take him out and was back home 2 minutes later because the conversation went son- how long is the drive to McDonald’s?” Dad- “5 minutes” son- “how long is that?” Dad “not long” son- “but how long is it?” Dad- “5 minutes isn’t long, it’s about the length of a YouTube video (?!)” son- “BUT HOW LONG IS IT” and frustrated tears. My dad brought him home and I opened the door to “he won’t tell me how long 5 minutes is sob sob sob”. I said, 5 minutes is 5 lots of sixty seconds, if you count using Mississippi. sobbing stopped replaced with “why didn’t he tell me that?!”.

So much easier just to be precise in the first place.

Well maybe they need to listen to the actual question rather than putting their own (incorrect) interpretation over the top of it (as I constantly tell my NT DH! Lol). Listen to the words coming out of a person's mouth. Stop adding extra context that isn't there!

I can't believe the amount of people trying to justify why someone can't listen to the words someone says and answer a question clearly. Somehow that it's the thought of the person who's being precise, asking a clear question, and simply wanting a clear answer to their clear question. 🤯 This world is never going to work for ND people, if that's the bar!

This is a fascinating thread, marking place to read it fully later. I started earlier and it quickly got too long!

I am fascinated by the differences between autistic and neurotypical communication styles. I often feel that I understand both and can sort of "translate" (maybe it's the ADHD?) but I could be wrong. For example, GoodnightGentleman's example has just blown my mind. I actually think I need to hire you as a translator for my 5yo DS2. He is constantly asking me questions that are extremely important to him and I want to answer for him but I don't understand what specifically he is asking and we just get frustrated with each other. (If I get any tomorrow, I'll try to remember them, and write them on the thread as examples).

I think NT communication is a lot of making assumptions about what the other person really wants to know, and this is very frustrating to autistic people who are being more direct.

She has asked for 3 different types of information, that is a lot of detail. As someone who is not experienced or knowledgeable about the subject matter it might sound like a straightforward question with a finite answer, but to someone who is experienced it will be more complex.

For example A patient might ask how long it will take for a wound to heal. They just want a number i.e. 6 weeks, but for an experienced clinician who has seen a lot of different responses they will give an answer such as "we will monitor it over the next 4 weeks and go from there".

It’s just practice- I have had my son with me pretty much 100% of the time for 9 years (he is home Ed) so we have got used to each other!

And to be honest I can be pretty pedantic myself.

He is constantly asking me questions that are extremely important to him and I want to answer for him but I don't understand what specifically he is asking and we just get frustrated with each other

thats why I say ‘you asked x’ or ‘you want to know x’… so hopefully I understand the question correctly before I try and answer it! Doesn’t always work though.

But I was just giving a rough idea of the topics that were covered. They were specific questions to back up specific points. And if myself, the panel and other parent were asking such irrelevant questions the chair could have stepped in. An appeal is much more nuanced than why your child didn't get a place.

But yes, they may have interpreted the question differently and not understood the relevance.

Why wouldn’t the doctor say “usually it takes 4 weeks, but it could be longer”. Or “on average this type of wound takes between 4-6 weeks to heal”? Or “I can’t give an exact number, but in my experience about 4 weeks”

What does monitor it mean? What does go from there mean? Does it mean that it should heal by 4 weeks and if it doesn’t there is a problem? Or does it mean that the doctor expects it to take over 4 weeks but they won’t need to monitor it after that?!