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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not drive partner to work while on maternity leave during bus strike?

282 replies

AmIclutchingpearls · 07/11/2023 14:50

My partner can't drive and so can't get to work during the current bus strikes.

He usually works 1 day a week at home and 4 in the office. He works in finance and can do his job entirely remotely. Unfortunately his employer (large company) are insisting he goes in at least 3 days - the reasons given are that his contract doesn't allow full homeworking and apparently one colleague has asked why he should get 'special treatment'.

We live in a rural location so no transport option other than me driving him there then picking him up (total 4 hours driving per day, 12 hours per week). I am on maternity leave so could theoretically do it but I really don't want to if it can be avoided!

Partner's uncle and sister both live close to his work so I have suggested he could ask if he could stay with one of them 2 nights a week (or 1 night each) meaning I would only have to drive him there Tuesday morning and pick him up Thursday after work. He is close to them and they regularly stay over at our house at weekends but he won't even ask them!

AIBU to say he asks his family to put him up 1 or 2 nights a week temporarily or finds his own alternative?

Also, any other advice around dealing with his employer or other options more than welcome!

Thank you all!

OP posts:
Potatomashed · 07/11/2023 14:56

Initially I thought YABU but then I saw how long the drive is and his inability to look for an alternative solution (staying at relatives/friends houses). So overall YANBU in principle… can you do something in his work location for the day?

Original poster
AmIclutchingpearls · 07/11/2023 14:59

Thank you for the reply. I could certainly fill a day in near his work but this will be 3 days a week possibly up to a total of 7 weeks.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarried · 07/11/2023 14:59

If he can do his job from home, doesn't drive, and the buses are on strike then I'd just tell his employer he simply can't do it.

Is there a medical reason he doesn't drive? That might help his case.

Crunchymum · 07/11/2023 14:59

How long are the bus strikes?

Sartre · 07/11/2023 15:00

YABU. He needs to work to pay the bills, what will realistically happen if he can’t get to work any other way? Could he lose his job? Is it really worth that because you can’t be arsed driving him until the strikes are over? You should want to help your partner out imo.

Original poster
AmIclutchingpearls · 07/11/2023 15:01

Oh and also I have school drop off and pick up to do so would need to be back for that in between so baby would end up spending almost 5 hours a day in the car which can't be healthy.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 07/11/2023 15:02

AmIclutchingpearls · 07/11/2023 15:01

Oh and also I have school drop off and pick up to do so would need to be back for that in between so baby would end up spending almost 5 hours a day in the car which can't be healthy.

It's not recommended, so I wouldn't. Up to him then to find an alternative. Not you. DOn't make his issues, your issues.

And can he learn to drive? Living rurally and not driving is ridiculous.

Original poster
AmIclutchingpearls · 07/11/2023 15:03

Thank you for the reply. It's more the fact of not wanting to do so with a baby in the car for 4 hours then a further hour for school pick up and drop off and then our older child for 2 hours a day.

If I were in his position I would stay with family 2 nights as a compromise.

OP posts:
SayNoToDoorToDoor · 07/11/2023 15:04

If it’s the Go North East bus strike then you’re looking at 12 weeks.

It’s a better solution for him to stay with relatives part of the week.

Original poster
AmIclutchingpearls · 07/11/2023 15:05

Yes Go North East so it will be a while unfortunately.

OP posts:
Busephalus · 07/11/2023 15:06

Why live in a remote location if you can't drive

SayNoToDoorToDoor · 07/11/2023 15:06

Is there any local Facebook groups organising shared lifts to near his work? My town has one as unless you have access to a car you’re cut off completely.

HaPPy8 · 07/11/2023 15:07

I think you are being unreasonable- it’s not a jolly for him it’s work and it is to support the family presumably…. I would do it for a short period of time.

Thedm · 07/11/2023 15:07

Have you always loved so far away from his job?
When he got this job, did you discuss what would happen if public transport was off?

Or did you move away during Covid and expect wfh to be permanent?

Luxell934 · 07/11/2023 15:08

Cheap hotel or airbnb until the strikes are over?

NotSuchASmugMarried · 07/11/2023 15:09

Luxell934 · 07/11/2023 15:08

Cheap hotel or airbnb until the strikes are over?

Actually this is a really good idea. It will quite possibly work out cheaper than petrol anyway

waitholdup · 07/11/2023 15:09

HaPPy8 · 07/11/2023 15:07

I think you are being unreasonable- it’s not a jolly for him it’s work and it is to support the family presumably…. I would do it for a short period of time.

You'd drive "total 4 hours driving per day, 12 hours per week" as its to support the family, surely he needs to take some responsibility!

SayNoToDoorToDoor · 07/11/2023 15:09

My town isn’t remote Buse, just GoNorthEast has the bus monopoly. There is no rail services at all as they were taken away years ago.

CandyLeBonBon · 07/11/2023 15:09

HaPPy8 · 07/11/2023 15:07

I think you are being unreasonable- it’s not a jolly for him it’s work and it is to support the family presumably…. I would do it for a short period of time.

5 hours a day driving for 12 weeks? With a newborn?

I wouldn't

YaWeeFurryBastard · 07/11/2023 15:10

Is there a medical reason he can’t drive? If not then he needs to pull his finger out and get his licence so he can appropriately take care of his family.

electriclight · 07/11/2023 15:11

I know it's not the point of the thread but why live an hour from your job if you can't drive and are beholden to the notoriously unreliable public transport system.

In the medium term, he needs driving lessons or to start thinking about moving house.

In his position I'd ask if I could temporarily increase my wfh days for the duration of the strike and price up using a taxi on the days I'm needed in the office.

In your position, I'd only do it if he'd exhausted every other option.

ComtesseDeSpair · 07/11/2023 15:13

You’re asking quite a lot of his relatives when him going to work benefits your family, not theirs. I can’t say I’d be too happy to have to put my brother / nephew up during the week because his wife who wasn’t working didn’t want to drive him to work.

MariaVT65 · 07/11/2023 15:14

YANBU

I wouldn’t be driving that much each day with a baby in the car. What if you need to stop as well to feed the baby or if baby gets sick for example?

There’s a strike on so tough tits. What would your DH do if you weren’t on mat leave and also had your own job to get to?

Is there any reason your DH doesn’t drive? I doubt he’d lose his job tbh, my DH works in finance and they area and it’s in demand.

Busephalus · 07/11/2023 15:15

Could you all move closer to his work so he could walk or cycle, if he won't/can't learn to drive, or get a closer job?

BusMumsHoliday · 07/11/2023 15:15

Is there any chance work would let him "bank" WFH days before and after three strike to offset WFH extra days during it?

I think people on this thread are being unfair to your husband about not driving. People should be able to rely on public transport and it clearly works fine for him outside the strikes. He's only BU in asking you to spend hours a day driving him with a small baby.

But I also think YANBU. Staying with relatives seems a good option at least for some weeks.