AIBU to not drive partner to work while on maternity leave during bus strike?

[AmIclutchingpearls]

My partner can't drive and so can't get to work during the current bus strikes.

He usually works 1 day a week at home and 4 in the office. He works in finance and can do his job entirely remotely. Unfortunately his employer (large company) are insisting he goes in at least 3 days - the reasons given are that his contract doesn't allow full homeworking and apparently one colleague has asked why he should get 'special treatment'.

We live in a rural location so no transport option other than me driving him there then picking him up (total 4 hours driving per day, 12 hours per week). I am on maternity leave so could theoretically do it but I really don't want to if it can be avoided!

Partner's uncle and sister both live close to his work so I have suggested he could ask if he could stay with one of them 2 nights a week (or 1 night each) meaning I would only have to drive him there Tuesday morning and pick him up Thursday after work. He is close to them and they regularly stay over at our house at weekends but he won't even ask them!

AIBU to say he asks his family to put him up 1 or 2 nights a week temporarily or finds his own alternative?

Also, any other advice around dealing with his employer or other options more than welcome!

Thank you all!

Could he ask for extra days WFH just whilst the bus strikes are going on?

Even just WFH a day or 2 will help massively.

I agree with you and think you driving 4 hours everyday is ridiculous.
It would be cheaper to book into a travelodge for the night.

I’d get him to ask the employer to WFH completely for the next few weeks, do 1 day where you drive him or 2 days max where he stays overnight in a hotel/family members.

He needs to learn to drive, unless you're about to do a massive drip-feed about why he cannot.

Work ABU. His transport is the bus. The bus is on strike. Tough shit to their office demands. Is DH in a union?

YANBU.

He needs to put his case for remote working to his employer and thumb his nose at the colleague who would complain.

Or stay with his relatives. If he won't ask them then you need to.

He sounds very timorous if he won't stick his neck out and advocate for himself. Don't enable this trait.

Sorry if I missed a post about this, but the decision to live so far from work surely needs to be revisited now that it has been shown to be such a massive pain in the ass?
Same goes for not driving?
What are the plans for getting children to social events, activities, hospital for you or the children in case of emergency, etc?

He needs to find a solution that doesn't involve a 4hr drive for you

Why won't he stay with family?

Oof that's a bad situation you find yourself in. I'm not sure why you live so rurally if one of you can't drive though, surely with a non driver you need to be living very conveniently for his work? Which isn't somewhere rural unless its walking distance. I appreciate this isn't helpful at all just not sure why your family is in the situation in the first place. How long is the bus commute if its an hour drive?!

Any other colleagues live within a short car ride your DH can pay for a lift with if you can take him there?

Thank you all for your replies, some really helpful suggestions that he is now looking into and has sent an email to his boss explaining that I can't drive him with the baby in the car for all that time.

Not sure why he won't ask his family to stay over even 1 night a week, they don't have children and get on really well and he was actually concerned about not being able to see them during bus strikes so seemed like a good solution to me! My sister used to regularly stay with me when in the region for work so I didn't think it would be much of an ask and seemed the logical thing to me. But he must have his reasons and I suspect he doesn't think they would be keen but doesn't want to say that.

Just to explain, the drive would take almost as long as the bus ride due to traffic and not being able to use bus lanes. Around 2 hours round trip by car or 3 hours by bus. There would also be school runs on top. His travel has never been an issue as the busses are actually pretty good where we live when they are running!

But you haven't explained WHY he doesn't drive, I feel this is pertinent to the opinions you're looking for

There's more to this though - you don't know why he won't ask relatives?

Your husband needs to find a solution, not you. Tell him what you're willing to do and if he doesn't want to take you up on it he figures himself out - Uber, airbnb, stay with relatives, learn to drive, lift share, new job, get a fullhomeworking contract at current job... loads of options for him

An hour there and back isn’t a long drive when you’re a northerner. If you’re beholden to his income for any part of the mat leave I’d do it - because if it’s the financial insitution I suspect it is (3 days in the office is a give away) then his job will eventually depend on it as they’re building it into performance reviews.

Why do you live so rurally if he can't drive? I live in the area and know none of the buse services are that great so it must be a nightmare! Can he not drive because he chose to not drive off or medical reasons?

Also can his employer not give special accommodations during the strike?

Absolutely no way, not with a baby. He needs to get a hotel or stay with relatives. His company are being pretty shit about it though.

Still not told us why he can't drive.....

There is no published guidance that restricts how long you can drive with a baby.

lullaby trust gives you more info and ways to do it safely - https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/9-car-seat-factsheet-2019-09-09-1.pdf

It’s basically about SIDs risk - a baby over 6 pounds at birth with no heart problems or family history of sids has a very low risk anyway. I used to drive long distance with DS during covid (no choice as DH and I were both key workers) - I put him in a 100% lie flat car seat and DH would drive both of us to work (some days I’d take DS with me) and I would sit in the back.

That's not a reasonable demand of you and with stops to give the newborn a break from the car seat would take even longer. It is just not feasible.

He needs to find an alternative.

On a broader point, public transport strikes are really doing nothing to prise people away from their reliance on cars. As shown by the multiple questions on this thread about why he can't learn to drive. It irritates me. Good reliable public transport is essential to combat climate change.

Can he do an intensive course and pass his test asap?

I do think the reason for not driving may be useful

I am partially sighted so this would fit within a "reasonable adjustment" for me to work from home when public transport isn't available due to strikes

His message to work is that this is a request for temporary flexibility while his mode of transport is unavailable. He’s looked into alternatives which are not suitable.

How is this relevant?

It doesn’t help the OP or her DH in the immediate future, as it can takes weeks/months to learn to drive.

Because he has more work leverage if its a medical reason that might fall under disability adjustments

Not a chance would I entertain this.

That he would even suggest it, is unbelievably selfish and unsafe with a new baby.

I presume you are doing the night feeds?

Tiredness would be a real concern for you and not in the babys best interests.

Unless there was a real medical reason I would be so turned off someone who didn't drive.

Particularly as you live rurally.

Being the sole family driver is a huge PITA which gets only worse as children grow.

Why can’t he drive, is he banned or is there a medical reason? On the face of it, would seem strange to live rurally so far from his workplace.

Of course it is relevant!

But if he doesn’t drive, he doesn’t drive. He can’t change that straight away, even if there are no disabilities.

His employer should be being flexible because it’s not his fault the buses are on strike.