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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to not drive partner to work while on maternity leave during bus strike?

282 replies

AmIclutchingpearls · 07/11/2023 14:50

My partner can't drive and so can't get to work during the current bus strikes.

He usually works 1 day a week at home and 4 in the office. He works in finance and can do his job entirely remotely. Unfortunately his employer (large company) are insisting he goes in at least 3 days - the reasons given are that his contract doesn't allow full homeworking and apparently one colleague has asked why he should get 'special treatment'.

We live in a rural location so no transport option other than me driving him there then picking him up (total 4 hours driving per day, 12 hours per week). I am on maternity leave so could theoretically do it but I really don't want to if it can be avoided!

Partner's uncle and sister both live close to his work so I have suggested he could ask if he could stay with one of them 2 nights a week (or 1 night each) meaning I would only have to drive him there Tuesday morning and pick him up Thursday after work. He is close to them and they regularly stay over at our house at weekends but he won't even ask them!

AIBU to say he asks his family to put him up 1 or 2 nights a week temporarily or finds his own alternative?

Also, any other advice around dealing with his employer or other options more than welcome!

Thank you all!

OP posts:
BettyBakesCakes · 07/11/2023 16:40

He spends 3 hrs a day on a bus normally? This is, chaotic, to say the least.

I don't think anyone is unreasonable here really, but I can't see how this situation even started let alone is sustainable with the state of public transport these days.

TulipOH · 07/11/2023 16:41

Why can't he drive?

LizzBurg · 07/11/2023 16:44

TallulahBetty · 07/11/2023 16:30

Still not told us why he can't drive.....

He might have been disqualified, he might have had a bad accident in the past and suffer flashbacks or he may have a medical stop on his licence. He might never have been taught some people just don’t learn to drive, it’s not compulsory.
It’s not relevant why.

SwearyBetty · 07/11/2023 16:44

How is it fine for his relatives to regularly stay at yours but he doesn’t think they would want to return the favour??🤔

Georgeandzippyzoo · 07/11/2023 16:45

SayNoToDoorToDoor · 07/11/2023 15:09

My town isn’t remote Buse, just GoNorthEast has the bus monopoly. There is no rail services at all as they were taken away years ago.

Edited

Yep. GoNorth East runs every bus service through where I live as well. I've got a quite local medical appointment next week where I can't drive after. This is now a 45 min walk both ways. 10 mins in car.
Our local town has started a page on fb where people who are driving in to work and willing to take others can post their journeys up.
I really don't now how people are getting to and from work!

rwalker · 07/11/2023 16:48

Not unreasonable to not want to do it
but unreasonable to invite yourself to a relative to stay

see if boss will compromise about wfh or how much air b and b

these strikes are going on for a long time it so relatives in uncomfortable position of saying no or putting up with it because they feel obligated to
this could go on for months

Wotsitfappe · 07/11/2023 16:49

Yeah I do actually think from a reasonable adjustments point of view the reason for not driving is relevant. I'm a line manager of somone who can't drive for medical reasons. I'd consider it a reasonable adjustment to wfh in a public transport strike.

sleepyscientist · 07/11/2023 16:49

CBT and get a bike? Course in Newcastle from the 8th of November so you would only have to do it for a few days and he would be sorted

tellittothemoon · 07/11/2023 16:52

YABU. Why wouldn't you help your partner out if he's stuck?

SapphireOpal · 07/11/2023 16:52

Is there not somewhere closer you could drop him so he can get the rest of the way by public transport? Or is his work not accessible by public transport other than Go NE buses either?

Neitheronethingnortheother · 07/11/2023 16:55

Itsnotchristmasyet · 07/11/2023 16:39

But if he doesn’t drive, he doesn’t drive. He can’t change that straight away, even if there are no disabilities.

His employer should be being flexible because it’s not his fault the buses are on strike.

Show quote history

A decent employer should absolutely be flexible. But with a shitty employer it's easier to force the point if there is a medical reason

Although as a partially sighted person I would say that even with a medical reason a really shitty employer still won't give a fuck.

But this is something I have had to deal with in similar circumstances in my life and it can make a difference, whether it should or not

grumpycow1 · 07/11/2023 16:57

I wouldn’t want to spend 5 hours a day with a young baby in the car which is not advised anyway and will also spoil up to 12 weeks of your Mat leave. You have suggested a compromise so it’s up to him to either take up your idea or find a solution. He could contact ACAS for advice? Or if there is a union?

HaplessRhombus · 07/11/2023 16:58

People suggesting he learn to drive are ignorant regarding the current shortage of both instructors and examiners/test dates.

When I started making enquiries about learning last December, I was being told there was at least a 6 month waiting list to even start lessons. I only got lucky because I'm a SAHM with a WFH and could be very flexible. I put my name down on some waiting lists and haven't reached the top yet! Even if he could find an instructor and tried to book a test date, tests are booked solid until April currently.

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/11/2023 16:58

Why can't he drive. That's the main point

Living rural and then strikes

He needs to learn if he can't drive and no medical condition

If there is a medicinal condition so he can't drive then that's a good reason to work from home and speak to manager or higher up

If he can drive but can't at the moment so disqualified then he needs to seriously think about asking relatives or staying over at a cheap b&b for 2 nights and you take in morning of day 1 and collect end of day 3

If you weren't on ml and at work work what would he do ?

laclochette · 07/11/2023 16:59

It seems pretty unfair of his company to insist on office attendance during strikes. The driving solution isn't reasonable, that's far too much ferrying around for you. Local accomodation, be it with family or in eg a Travellodge or AirBnB, definitely a better solution.

But God, surely it takes even longer on a bus than in a car - is he spending 4+ hours on a bus every day he goes into work???

ExtraOnions · 07/11/2023 16:59

Drop him at the nearest train station ?

Travel Lodge instead of staying with relatives

Kinda agree with others, living a 2 hour drive from work, and being reliant on 1 mode of public transport seems a bit risky

Viviennemary · 07/11/2023 17:01

I dont think it's reasonable to exoect people to put him up on a regular basis.You need to think about either moving house or he changes jobs if you aren't prepared to drive him to and from work. Or he learns to drive.

Original poster
AmIclutchingpearls · 07/11/2023 17:02

Oh sorry I didn't think it was relevant to the immediate issue as not a medical reason he can't drive. He lived most of his life in a city centre so never learned, moved to current location around 2 years ago and had no issues with bus. Him learning to drive is in the long term plan but we had planned for that expense once both back to work when finance allow.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 07/11/2023 17:04

He needs to tell his employer he can't work from the office right now. Why won't they let him work fully from home?

Chimpandcheese · 07/11/2023 17:04

Slightly off piste question but: if it takes you two hours in the car, how long does it take on the bus?? He must spend 5 or 6 hours a day commuting?? His choice, but if I could work from home more I’d definitely be pushing for it!

sandyhappypeople · 07/11/2023 17:07

Well if it’s because he’s never learned he can’t expect you to ferry him round, yanbu to say no to that.

isn’t there a train station anywhere within half an hour of you?

I’d negotiate with work or look for another job, who wants to commute 3 hours every day for a job that can be done from home?

TeslaTwat · 07/11/2023 17:08

God, I'd be looking for a new job that is much closer or allows more remote working. My old workplace were quite strict with going in everyday but when my car broke, they were not concerned at all. It's not him being treated differently or receiving special treatment - it's what's practical at the time.

It's how companies act at times like this that we need to take stock of. Employers are replaceable.

You're not unreasonable to not drive him all that way. But a shorter distance you would be.

Moveoverdarlin · 07/11/2023 17:08

2 children, living rurally, hours away from his office, he needs to put learning to drive in his short-term plan, not his long term plan.

He needs to take a week off, do intensive course before baby is due. What happens if you go in to labour in the middle of the night? You gonna drive yourself?

Imagwine · 07/11/2023 17:09

It’s too big an ask of you. Either his work are more flexible temporarily or he will have to ask his relatives. If they regularly stay at yours, and have a close relationship, this shouldn’t be a big ask. One night each or alternate two nights per week at each relative

Goldbar · 07/11/2023 17:09

YANBU. You should both be looking for solutions which don't involve your young children spending hours in the car on a regular basis. If that's him staying with family/in a hotel/in a cheap b&b, that's what he should do. No way should the children, especially the baby, be confined for hours every week in car seats.

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