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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not drive partner to work while on maternity leave during bus strike?

282 replies

AmIclutchingpearls · 07/11/2023 14:50

My partner can't drive and so can't get to work during the current bus strikes.

He usually works 1 day a week at home and 4 in the office. He works in finance and can do his job entirely remotely. Unfortunately his employer (large company) are insisting he goes in at least 3 days - the reasons given are that his contract doesn't allow full homeworking and apparently one colleague has asked why he should get 'special treatment'.

We live in a rural location so no transport option other than me driving him there then picking him up (total 4 hours driving per day, 12 hours per week). I am on maternity leave so could theoretically do it but I really don't want to if it can be avoided!

Partner's uncle and sister both live close to his work so I have suggested he could ask if he could stay with one of them 2 nights a week (or 1 night each) meaning I would only have to drive him there Tuesday morning and pick him up Thursday after work. He is close to them and they regularly stay over at our house at weekends but he won't even ask them!

AIBU to say he asks his family to put him up 1 or 2 nights a week temporarily or finds his own alternative?

Also, any other advice around dealing with his employer or other options more than welcome!

Thank you all!

OP posts:
WarmWinterSun · 07/11/2023 15:16

I wouldn’t do it because it’s not good for the baby to spend so much time in a car.

AuntieDolly · 07/11/2023 15:16

If it takes you an hour in the car how long does it take on the bus? Just curious.
Ask on Facebook if anyone can offer a lift short term?

CluelessHamster · 07/11/2023 15:17

Yanbu. You've suggested a good alternative of him asking to stay with his relatives. If it was a 15 minute drive it'd be different (although still a pita) but an hour each way is ridiculous to ask even without the baby in the car!

If it's going to be on for 12 weeks, can he break it up with taking some annual leave?

If the reason he doesn't drive is medical then I'd say he has reasonable grounds to request to work from home and sod his jealous colleagues, it's between him and his boss.

blackoverbillsmothers · 07/11/2023 15:18

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. That’s a lot of driving time if he has other options. Expensive too.

Why hasn’t he learned to drive?

ilovesooty · 07/11/2023 15:18

Busephalus · 07/11/2023 15:15

Could you all move closer to his work so he could walk or cycle, if he won't/can't learn to drive, or get a closer job?

Hardly an immediate solution.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 07/11/2023 15:19

ComtesseDeSpair · 07/11/2023 15:13

You’re asking quite a lot of his relatives when him going to work benefits your family, not theirs. I can’t say I’d be too happy to have to put my brother / nephew up during the week because his wife who wasn’t working didn’t want to drive him to work.

She's on mat leave, that isn't "not working".

If she was simply a lady wot lunches, you might have a point.

ToadOnTheHill · 07/11/2023 15:20

4 hours driving a day is not in the interests of the baby you are on maternity leave to care for.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 07/11/2023 15:20

Is there any chance work would let him "bank" WFH days before and after three strike to offset WFH extra days during it

I was also thinking this.

Teder · 07/11/2023 15:21

YANBU, it is dangerous for the baby to be in a car seat for hours on such a regular basis.
could you compromise and drive him 1 day here and there?

LlynTegid · 07/11/2023 15:25

Sad to read of an unreasonable and unsympathetic colleague that your DP has, though on the bright side, one less Christmas card and maybe in time one less leaving do.

Are they a company who would back down if they thought legal action would follow if they tried to enforce the three days whilst the strikes are on?

Doingmybest12 · 07/11/2023 15:25

It just isn't practical every day . He needs to stay over , use a taxi , take some leave, see if he can get a lift share, or can someone else help with baby and school run. Perhaps a combination of all of these. What a pain.

NurseButtercup · 07/11/2023 15:28

Do driving instructors/schools still do short course intensive driving lessons with "guarantee pass"? I'd be encouraging my partner to looking into these whilst also speaking to family to agree staying with them a few days a week. It's not tenable for you to drive him to & from work for 12weeks.

NotLactoseFree · 07/11/2023 15:37

I find it hard to believe that his employer would not be willing to be at least partially accommodating as a result of the strikes - and one assumes he's not the only one affected. Surely a compromise would be that he goes in just 2 or at most 3 days a week. Perhaps you drive him ONE of those days, and the others he either finds an air bob or cheap hotel, or stays with relatives.

However, if he's always this passive, I can easily imagine that his employer and colleagues don't want him working from home because they assume that without them there to watch over him and keep him moving, nothing happens.

Humbugg · 07/11/2023 15:37

He needs to learn to drive or get a WFH job or change jobs. This is unsustainable

Sunset6 · 07/11/2023 15:47

Could he cycle there?

HaPPy8 · 07/11/2023 15:54

to those who have asked woukd I really - yes I would- because the the alternative is he could perhaps lose his job which would be much worse for the family in the long run. I’m not saying it wouldn’t be tiring or frustrating and very much less than ideal but sometimes needs must.

Caterina99 · 07/11/2023 15:56

YANBU

An hour each way with a newborn and older child/ren is not sustainable. Only as a one off.

Your DH needs to speak to his boss and request WFH during the bus strike. Perhaps he can go in for essential face to face business only. Stay with family or in a travel lodge once a week maybe. And then consider what you will do if this becomes a long term problem.

Is there anyone who lives locally to you that may be able to give him a lift, even part way? DH could pay petrol. I assume he is going from a rural area to a city? Surely many people are affected by this strike, so perhaps he could try and find a solution with them.

I have occasionally take DH to work as it cant be done on public transport (his car getting repairs for example) and it is such a pain with the kids.

diddl · 07/11/2023 15:59

his contract doesn't allow full homeworking

He's only asking for it whilst he can't get into the office though isn't he?

PosterBoy · 07/11/2023 16:01

Electric bike - subsidised through cycle to work? - an option?

Yanbu to refuse to drive him and if he didn't have a handily available wfh wife on mat leave it wouldn't be an option anyway. So I'd suggest he does what other people will be doing and explains to his employer that he can't make it in while the buses are on strike.

mum11970 · 07/11/2023 16:04

How far from your dh’s work do you live if it takes an hour by car? An hour’s car journey would take absolutely hours on a bus if you live rurally, so how is he managing that normally and still putting in a full day’s work?

Shodan · 07/11/2023 16:05

How would he resolve his problem if you were back at work? I'd ask him that and go from there.

Maternity leave does not = chauffeur at his beck and call.

Universalsnail · 07/11/2023 16:06

I thought you were unreasonable until I saw how long the drive it. Not unreasonable. He needs to just tell them he can't get to work and will be working from home.

PictureOfFlorianTray · 07/11/2023 16:07

I'd suck it up and drive to be honest. It's not forever.

Or...

He rents somewhere near the office.
He learns to drive.
If he medically can't or has been banned then move nearer to his office.

meisafairy · 07/11/2023 16:07

Can’t you drop him off at the nearest train or tram station or a bus route not run by go north east.

RedCoffeeCup · 07/11/2023 16:11

Given the length of the drive and the fact that he doesn't seem to even be trying to find other options, I think YANBU. Has he explained why he won't ask his uncle or sister? Even one night a week would help.