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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not cancel our wedding because DS has COVID

449 replies

CheeseCrackers45 · 07/11/2023 13:28

Hi all. 1 year old son has had a bit of a cough for about a week. He's a bit tired but otherwise well. No fever, happily playing etc. Went to the GP today just in case it was another chest infection (he's already had several). Turns out he has COVID.

Here's the kicker... Me and DSs dad are due to get married on Thursday and DS is obviously attending 😅 We've taken tests and so far they are negative. My colleague is saying I'm being selfish by not cancelling the wedding. Me and my partner have decided to go ahead with it, but of course will be telling all guests that DS has COVID and letting them make their own decision about attending.

YANBU - no you shouldn't cancel
YABU - You should cancel

OP posts:
skyeisthelimit · 07/11/2023 14:39

I don't think you should cancel but I do think that you should inform all of your guests so that they can make their own decisions. That could include staying away, or coming and keeping a distance, wearing masks, whatever they need to make them happy to attend.

and people need to stop saying "it's just a cold" several people around here have had the latest strain and been very unwell, far worse than with a common cold.

my father was and still is CEV due to his various many health decisions.

wildthingsinthenight · 07/11/2023 14:40

I think it would be selfish not to test or tell your guests about the covid.
People saying it's just a cold I find unbelievably ignorant.
You might feel OK with it but what about all the other people you spread it to who could be vulnerable elderly or immunocompromised??
I have been disabled by covid living with chronic pain and sometimes need a walking stick.
Comparing it to a cold is ludicrous

Lottie4 · 07/11/2023 14:42

I'm still of the view to try and keep away from others if you're not well, whether it's covid or a bad cold. However, I totally understand why you don't want to cancel. You're obviously going to let the guests know, so they're aware and can make their own decision. Also, if you let whoever know that's marrying you, venue etc, they can alert staff who aren't comfortable or really don't want to get it themselves right now to try and keep their distance.

Hope you have a great day.

Alltheyearround · 07/11/2023 14:44

As above. It;s not like a cold to many.

I have CFS and both times I have had Covid I have been off work for a substantial amount of time. 3 months the first time, and this time 7 weeks and counting. To some people it really is disabling or dangerous (for the CEV).

I would cancel if you are positive, baby is likely to be not infectious by Thurs if he's had it over a week already.

Or at the very least warn guests so they can decide.

Chanelbasketballandchain · 07/11/2023 14:44

CharlotteBog · 07/11/2023 13:58

Really?
Is it too far a stretch to think that people might be testing in order to protect vulnerable people?

Show quote history

some might but as soon as they have children at school, use public transport, go to cinemas.., most people don't test, including nurses.

Some people also seem to lack common sense. If you have any symptom, surely it doesn't matter if it's covid, you still stay away from vulnerable people who are just as risk with other bugs

WillowCraft · 07/11/2023 14:46

wildthingsinthenight · 07/11/2023 14:40

I think it would be selfish not to test or tell your guests about the covid.
People saying it's just a cold I find unbelievably ignorant.
You might feel OK with it but what about all the other people you spread it to who could be vulnerable elderly or immunocompromised??
I have been disabled by covid living with chronic pain and sometimes need a walking stick.
Comparing it to a cold is ludicrous

But a wedding is a large gathering, none of the other guests will be testing, several of them may have it. So there is no logic in basing any decisions on one child who had covid last week. If anyone really doesn't want to catch covid they would be better off not to attend any large gatherings. If there are 50 people present it's highly likely there will be at least one other with covid there

Mavissdaviss · 07/11/2023 14:46

Absolutely don’t cancel. Continue as normal.. you say he’s been ill for about a week so unlikely to be infectious by Thursday. The advice is for people to attend work etc as long as they feel well enough to. Follow the advice of the medical experts not anonymous mumsnet people.

Potentialmadcatlady · 07/11/2023 14:48

This is why I basically can’t go anywhere at min. For me ( and plenty others) covid is not just a cold. If I turned up at a wedding and discovered that covid was in the family I would have to leave.
I would let your guests know OP and let them make their own decision.
edit- didn’t copy the quote in from poster who said not to say, that covid is only a cold

wildthingsinthenight · 07/11/2023 14:50

WillowCraft · 07/11/2023 14:46

But a wedding is a large gathering, none of the other guests will be testing, several of them may have it. So there is no logic in basing any decisions on one child who had covid last week. If anyone really doesn't want to catch covid they would be better off not to attend any large gatherings. If there are 50 people present it's highly likely there will be at least one other with covid there

Show quote history

The difference is OP KNOWS there is covid in her household.
Also OP has asked us for our opinions.
That is mine and my take on it from very bitter experience

longtompot · 07/11/2023 14:50

Ace56 · 07/11/2023 13:29

No I wouldn’t cancel. Tbh I probably wouldn’t even tell the guests that your baby is positive…Covid is basically just a cold now.

Unless you are vulnerable.

@CheeseCrackers45 Let the guests know and then they can decide if they want to still come, that way they can take precautions. I hope you have a lovely day💐

Sugargliderwombat · 07/11/2023 14:52

You'd be mad to cancel. There are no covid restrictions for a reason. Your son won't be contagious.

LaurieStrode · 07/11/2023 14:52

PinkLemons99 · 07/11/2023 13:54

You need to test on the day and if you or your fiancé are positive, you MUST tell your guests and the Registrar too.

I’d be livid if I discovered I was attending an event where someone attended knowing they were infectious. It’s not a bloody cold!

This x1000. I can't believe anyone would blithely expose guests to this.

My sister has advanced cancer and I am her main carer. If I spread it to her, she could die. I am a healthy late 50s person and when I got it in April, there were a couple of nights I thought I was dying. I've never felt that way with "just a cold" in my entire life.

Please don't keep people in the dark. Telling guests is the decent thing to do.

DisquietintheRanks · 07/11/2023 14:53

Express0 · 07/11/2023 13:38

And a cold can do exactly that to some people. Ever heard of post viral fatigue? That’s what it was called before ‘long Covid’ became a thing

Show quote history

Long covid is not the same as post- viral fatigue. Its a catch all term that covers a whole variety of post-covid illnesses and damage many of which can't yet be explained. It's a real thing and it's something new because the covid 19 virus is new to humans.

OP YANBU as long as you tell people. It's really unlikely that your son is still infectious anyway.

Movinghouseatlast · 07/11/2023 14:55

Ace56 · 07/11/2023 13:29

No I wouldn’t cancel. Tbh I probably wouldn’t even tell the guests that your baby is positive…Covid is basically just a cold now.

Thanks for that. Now I know the 3 weeks of hell I've just endured is, in fact, just a cold.

It's not a fucking cold. I have no underlying health issues either.

ShortColdandGrey · 07/11/2023 14:55

Ace56 · 07/11/2023 13:29

No I wouldn’t cancel. Tbh I probably wouldn’t even tell the guests that your baby is positive…Covid is basically just a cold now.

Not for everyone it isn't. People have been saying this shite from the start, and it isn't true.

Forsakenalmosthuman · 07/11/2023 14:57

Every cunt seems to have COVID at the moment, though most people aren't testing anymore.

I would not cancel.

user1498572889 · 07/11/2023 14:58

Just as long as you tell everyone then its their choice. YABU if you do not tell them.

Giantgold · 07/11/2023 15:06

HJ40 · 07/11/2023 13:44

Yes, if a baby with a history of chest infections presents with symptoms which could be a chest infection or could be something else e.g. Covid then I fully expect a GP to check it.

None of which was what the OP asked about. But as a subsequent posted said, it does rather sound like you've spectacularly misread the OP and are now trying to deflect with irrelevant nonsense. Own it.

Paed nurse here

No, they would not put a baby through a Covid test who was presenting with a mild cough.

even if there was a history of chest infections

op how do you know that your son has Covid?

Maddy70 · 07/11/2023 15:08

He will be past the infectious stage by Thursday but I would let the vulnerable know that "last week" he had covid. He's past the infectious stage now, but please don't hug him if you have any concerns

LlynTegid · 07/11/2023 15:11

I would not cancel but make arrangements so your DS is not there but being looked after elsewhere, and let guests know.

Silvers11 · 07/11/2023 15:12

CheeseCrackers45 · 07/11/2023 13:34

@Flipdiddle what an odd comment. Of course we want to get married as, well, why would we be getting married in the first place if we weren't? 😂 I only ask because we do have a few guests that are considered vulnerable (DPs elderly grandparents and my dad, who was asthma). Absolutely nothing to do with how keen we are or aren't to get married.

@CheeseCrackers45 I think as long as you tell people and give them a chance not to go ( and you are prepared for some people like elderly grandparents and possibly your Dad to prefer not to come) then it's up to you really. I think you probably should tell the people/person officiating at the wedding too and maybe the hotel you are going to? But I'm less sure about that part

You and your OH could go down with it between now and Thursday and be feeling dreadful by then too. Or you both might be fine. On the other hand, a rearranged day might bring the same problems with it, then too

A really difficult one for you

Kissmystarfish · 07/11/2023 15:12

I mean I’d let people know beforehand. Especially because you’ve got vulnerable guests

Figgygal · 07/11/2023 15:15

After this much time I'd proceed but let people know and they can make up their own mind as to whether to come/limit contact with ds

Normandy144 · 07/11/2023 15:20

Stop telling people your son has Covid. They don't need to know. Don't test yourselves either. Ultimately if there are vulnerable people out there then presumably they're not leaving the house anyway in case they get it?

warriorofhopelessness · 07/11/2023 15:20

As someone with underlying health conditions I would want to know in advance. I’d come but with a mask and position myself at a distance. Ventilation at the venue would help if that is at all possible. .