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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not cancel our wedding because DS has COVID

449 replies

CheeseCrackers45 · 07/11/2023 13:28

Hi all. 1 year old son has had a bit of a cough for about a week. He's a bit tired but otherwise well. No fever, happily playing etc. Went to the GP today just in case it was another chest infection (he's already had several). Turns out he has COVID.

Here's the kicker... Me and DSs dad are due to get married on Thursday and DS is obviously attending 😅 We've taken tests and so far they are negative. My colleague is saying I'm being selfish by not cancelling the wedding. Me and my partner have decided to go ahead with it, but of course will be telling all guests that DS has COVID and letting them make their own decision about attending.

YANBU - no you shouldn't cancel
YABU - You should cancel

OP posts:
Afteropening · 11/11/2023 13:04

So your son will be wearing a mask when he starts school? Despite not being CEV?

Afteropening · 11/11/2023 13:06

If it were my son's wedding, I'd do what I suggested to OP: hire air purifiers, open windows, move as much of the event outdoors as possible, inform attendees of the positive test, and I'd attend in an N95 mask. I'd also provide masks for attendees.

that is what you would have done anyway

if there was a confirmed Covid case… anything extra?

TrashedSofa · 11/11/2023 13:25

You can move as much of the event as possible outdoors and open all windows if it's your own wedding. You can't decide that at someone else's. All that's in ones own control then is attendance and masking.

Forsakenalmosthuman · 11/11/2023 13:42

I'd have turned away anyone in face masks from our wedding.

Afteropening · 11/11/2023 13:42

Forsakenalmosthuman · 11/11/2023 13:42

I'd have turned away anyone in face masks from our wedding.

Why? Seems a bit nasty

Forsakenalmosthuman · 11/11/2023 13:47

Not at all. At this point it's just posturing and I wouldn't want that nonsense around me.
Fortunately my friends and family aren't into that attention-seeking bollocks.

Afteropening · 11/11/2023 13:52

Forsakenalmosthuman · 11/11/2023 13:47

Not at all. At this point it's just posturing and I wouldn't want that nonsense around me.
Fortunately my friends and family aren't into that attention-seeking bollocks.

So if they did turn up wearing a mask, then presumably they had very good personal reasons for doing so

and you would tell them to pee off?

TrashedSofa · 11/11/2023 13:55

Afteropening · 11/11/2023 13:52

So if they did turn up wearing a mask, then presumably they had very good personal reasons for doing so

and you would tell them to pee off?

Show quote history

Yes, seems a bit much really! And hopefully you'd actually like and trust someone who was attending your wedding.

sep135 · 11/11/2023 14:06

If it were my son's wedding, I'd do what I suggested to OP: hire air purifiers, open windows, move as much of the event outdoors as possible, inform attendees of the positive test, and I'd attend in an N95 mask.

Genuinely, my 80 and 90 year old parents would rather risk covid than being freezing outside/inside with the windows open in November.

I'd have done exactly what the OP has done and told my guests but I agree with PPs that if you're vulnerable, you should take your own mitigations. My friends who are oncology consultants only have to test if they have symptoms so I'm not sure it's reasonable to expect the general population to be testing regularly.

LlynTegid · 11/11/2023 14:15

@CheeseCrackers45 what did you do in the end. How was the wedding?

EggEggEgg · 12/11/2023 00:37

Afteropening · 11/11/2023 13:04

I'm sorry you don't think clean air is worthwhile. No one loses from clean air

why would I want vast amounts of money being spent on this when my children and I, and my relatives and their children and my friends and their children etc etc… all seem to thrive with the current air we have

This went really well for us in the past few years, didn't it? (Not.)

Afteropening · 12/11/2023 06:57

EggEggEgg · 12/11/2023 00:37

This went really well for us in the past few years, didn't it? (Not.)

Show quote history

Are you referring to the “air” not “working for us”?

Afteropening · 12/11/2023 06:59

@AussieManque

birthday parties for your son…. Will you require all attendees to wear masks?

Playdates for your son… will you require your son to wear a mask when he’s on one? And his friends to wear one when visiting?

and to be clear - neither you nor your son are CEV?

EggEggEgg · 12/11/2023 08:12

@Afteropening

Are you referring to the “air” not “working for us”?

Well, Covid was airborne, so ... Having cleaner air in indoor environments where possible is absolutely a benefit.

TrashedSofa · 12/11/2023 08:28

Genuinely, my 80 and 90 year old parents would rather risk covid than being freezing outside/inside with the windows open in November.

That's a good point @sep135 . It sounds like OP is in the UK. Moving more of the event outside and opening all the windows is advice for a warmer climate than ours in November. Anything that involves being more outdoors and outdoorsing more of the indoor parts, iyswim, is a potentially big problem for some of the people who it's aimed at protecting. And OP told us she'd invited several elderly guests.

Afteropening · 12/11/2023 08:35

EggEggEgg · 12/11/2023 08:12

@Afteropening

Are you referring to the “air” not “working for us”?

Well, Covid was airborne, so ... Having cleaner air in indoor environments where possible is absolutely a benefit.

Yes

but I, and thankfully the government, do not think the benefit outweighs the vast cost

Forsakenalmosthuman · 12/11/2023 09:43

If it were my son's wedding, I'd do what I suggested to OP: hire air purifiers, open windows, move as much of the event outdoors as possible, inform attendees of the positive test, and I'd attend in an N95 mask.

It would not be your wedding. You would not have the right to do any of this.

Palet · 12/11/2023 09:55

I think the issue is more the risk to guests from covid in the wedding groups family 🙄

LittleBearPad · 12/11/2023 09:57

AussieManque · 11/11/2023 12:39

@Afteropening I do not have health anxiety. I am following the precautionary principle to minimise my risk and my family's risk of catching a novel, potentially disabling disease. It's still a category 3 biohazard like TB, which I'm sure you wouldn't be happy to catch. So why Covid?

I work on air quality, both outdoor and indoor. I am very aware of the risks of airborne viruses like COVID in indoor spaces. I work towards good indoor air quality in public spaces through purification and ventilation. I'm sure you'll have noted, in your extensive research of my previous posts, that I recommended OP hire air purifiers for her wedding venue, and I post often about clean air in schools and hospitals.

And yes, I'm the only person at work who wears a N95. Yes, my toddler wear a mask when he goes into busy indoor spaces, because it keeps him safe. I don't care what people think, I'm keeping my family safe, and I'm following the science around aerosol spread to do so. The COVID scientists do the same in their families.

Perhaps instead of judging people for taking sensible precautions, you could expend your energies on calling for clean indoor air too, in schools and hospitals. We shouldn't just blindly accept that our children can and do catch COVID at school multiple times. This should be the government's responsibility, and in other countries like France there is legislation about indoor air in schools.

Poor little boy. You should seek help for your anxiety before it damages your child.

Afteropening · 12/11/2023 09:58

Forsakenalmosthuman · 12/11/2023 09:43

If it were my son's wedding, I'd do what I suggested to OP: hire air purifiers, open windows, move as much of the event outdoors as possible, inform attendees of the positive test, and I'd attend in an N95 mask.

It would not be your wedding. You would not have the right to do any of this.

Can you imagine the poor DIL?!!

jamjar3 · 12/11/2023 19:55

It certainly isn't just a cold. There's still people dying.

Child should stay at home with someone else tof they really wanna get married.

JLOU17 · 12/11/2023 21:23

Absolutely go ahead! It's your big day and I personally believe your colleague? (potential friend!?!) to not be a very good one to voice such a negative judgement towards you concerning one of the greatest days of your life... Even if she had thought it she shouldn't have voiced it so negatively and to call you selfishnisnjjst not true. Tbh from the off set I hated all this blaming, it's a damn virus it's unavoidable it isn't yours or anyone else's fault it's just a cold. If your sons well enough go ahead and forget the judgement - have the best day xo

Josell12345 · 12/11/2023 23:09

Covid tests are the biggest load of bs ever. I wouldnt even test anyone never mind a child. Why have you even gone there? I thought we had moved on from this utter bs. Get a grip give your child and yourselves vitamin d, zinc and quercetin and get onnwith your lives. Stop letting govt/pharma bs affect your lives

Josell12345 · 12/11/2023 23:10

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ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 12/11/2023 23:15

Josell12345 · 12/11/2023 23:09

Covid tests are the biggest load of bs ever. I wouldnt even test anyone never mind a child. Why have you even gone there? I thought we had moved on from this utter bs. Get a grip give your child and yourselves vitamin d, zinc and quercetin and get onnwith your lives. Stop letting govt/pharma bs affect your lives

How intelligent and informed.