To think I’m just not cut out for motherhood?

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Never been maternal, never wanted children. Had a baby last year, they’re 14 months and I cannot believe how much I absolutely adore them.

BUT, I feel so unhappy at the moment. I find entertaining them now they’re a ‘toddler’ tedious. You can’t really ‘play’ with them as they don’t know what they’re doing and still aren’t capable of much. I hate playing anyway but I give it a go, for my baby.

I’m so aware that I’m on my phone a lot. I put it down, start interacting with DC and then get bored after 5 mins and pick it up, I have to force myself to put it back down again. I have no idea what to say to DC half the time, I feel awkward, like I’ve always felt around children, except up til now I haven’t felt that, I did believe it was different with your own but that awkwardness is now creeping in to my interactions with my own DC.

DH is the most amazing father, so hands on and LOVES to play. He’s never on his phone in front of our DC, always 100% engaged. DC absolutely adores him too, I think prefers him to me actually which makes me feel even more like shit.

It’s my day off today and I decided when I got up this morning that I was going to give DC my full attention until they went up for their morning nap, and I pretty much did manage an hour and 20 mins of just interacting and playing but I was bored out of my skull and again, it just felt so awkward and forced on my part, I’m just not a natural.

It doesn’t help that we’ve got endless sickness in the household too as DC is bringing so many bugs back from nursery, it feels non stop. Our marriage has gone to shit the last 6 months I’d say, I’m worried about the future of it and all the constant rain and bad weather the last few weeks hasn’t helped.

I just feel anxious and fed up recently and feel so guilty that I’m just not the parent I want to be. I see people like my SIL who is like a children’s tv personality, no awkwardness, loves children, could happily play alllll day and I wonder why I can’t be like that.

You simply need to find ways of interacting that you do like. For example, go for a walk or go shopping and chat away to them. No smart phones when my kids were young but I found the TV on in the back ground helped. Do leave your phone alone though. My mother didn't want children and never, ever played with me. I was a very sad child with poor self esteem and knowing my mum couldn't be bothered to spend time with me really didn't help.

I'm sure that's very normal for lots of people! I had twins and was so pleased as I could leave them to entertain each other without feeling guilty! I used to go out gardening and peer through the window every so often, they used to share the playpen and amuse each other, it was great!

Obviously I did have to put them in walkers and bouncy door things and stuff from time to time, and once they got mobile we did things like walking around in paint outside (couldn't face the mess indoors...) and occasional toddler groups etc - but they never got used to relying on me for entertainment 24/7.

Later my friends used to talk about how they had to spend three hours role playing Octonauts/Thomas/Night Garden with their child - and I was so relieved that wasn't me!

Maybe adopt a similar aged child, then you'll be off the hook.....😂😂😂

Seriously - spending hours with children is hard work, and we all have other things to juggle. Hopefully as DC gets older you'll find more things you can both engage with - but don't feel you're not cut out for motherhood just because you have a brain and don't want to spend your entire life singing 'The wheels on the bus'.......

I always knew I was never the SAHM type (even though I LOVE my children) and so returned to work when they were each 6mo. The right time for me and for them! I love the tiny baby stage but am not fond of what I call ‘the danger zone’ (9-18 months).
All I can say is play to your strengths OP. My husband is quite happy to take the eldest (now 5) to playgrounds and to play indoors with the children but I prefer to be out and about so am always organising things at the weekend. Currently the eldest has sports on a Saturday morning but we have done other things in the past (e.g. music classes) and we are on the waiting list for Saturday swimming lessons too (…should start in April…). I also used to walk for HOURS with the youngest while on maternity leave and TBH will take them anywhere even if it’s by train and we make a day of it (e.g. the beach, the science museum…). I also love baking and colouring and reading with the big one BUT I am a secondary school teacher for a reason: I really do have my limits with little kids as I think most of us do. Instead of reaching for my phone I try to always have a book or newspaper or magazine to hand (and the baby enjoys ripping the latter up when I am done with them too, so it’s win-win!). Don’t worry though OP. You are not alone!

When I had my eldest I tried toddler groups they were very clicke and I didn't feel comfortable
When I had the younger ones DS had special needs and we were told not to bring him to the toddler groups
Now I have the grandchildren there are no groups in the area

Evolve your play around what you need to do for the day
They love cleaning so an empty spray bottle and a couple of cloths will keep them happy as they are helping
We have Friday tidy so the house is clean for the weekend
Get exercise by taking them for a fast walk in the buggy
SING sing anything it makes you feel better and entertains the little one (my youngest sang rockstar and animals to the little old ladies in the library cafe when she was 2)
If people look at you oldly just stare them in the eye and smile at them they soon back down
Rainy day/week Boxes empty cardboard boxes are Fun and Free
I have ADHD and have problems with concentration sometimes and children will happily change games with you
Look for story rhymes at the library
It might also be worth checking with your GP if you are feeling that low you may have a vitamin deficiency
But you can see you are already a good mum as you are interacting with your child and this is what they will remember

@restingbitchface30 just to respond to one thing you said - you're probably nearly there! My twins began much more able to amuse each other from 18 months. They are 3 now and are very playful with each other. Sometimes I feel a bit superfluous! I'm many ways, much easier to keep them entertained on a rainy day than my eldest was because they have each other. If course, they do also fall out/refuse to share etc etc, so it's not totally plain sailing....

@TinyTeacher thank you. I just feel like the only time they interact right now is to fight over toys. Occasionally they’ll laugh at each other but it’s mainly fighting. Twins are not for the faint hearted and I’m trying to take each day as it comes!!

I didn't like playing with my baby / toddler. It IS really boring. You make the effort because you know you should. It gets better as they get older.