Would you/did you have a baby past 40?

[PastryandCoffeeallday]

Hi,

Just this really. I'm 39 with a teen already, but I'm desperate for another baby. Crazy to start over again when my first isn't far off the uni years, I'm sure many of you will cry, but that's where I'm at currently.

Just wondered how many of you would have/have had a baby post 40.

YABU - No, it's too old

YANBU - Yes, it's not unusual these days

I had my youngest at 38 but already had 2 other kids aged 7.5 years and 2. I wouldn't have anymore kids at 40 but that's personal choice.

It’s not unusual and far more people I know have had babies in their late thirties/early forties than in their twenties or early thirties. I think they’re all nuts, though!

I think you also have to essentially see it as raising two only children: the age gap is going to be too big for there to be any meaningful sibling relationship.

No. Wouldn't contemplate it.
But my friend had her second set of twins at 47. Her first set were 17!

Why do you want another baby? Is it partly due to shortly potentially losing your current child to adulthood. I wouldn't go back to the beginning at your age unless they had siblings who were toddlers but that's my choice. It's possible but you'll still be doing the school run in your 50's

I've had children in my 20s, 30s and 40s (one at almost 41 and my last at nearly 45). My most difficult pregnancies were my 2nd at 26 and 4th at 30. I did have 4 miscarriages between 39 and 43 so I do think you have to be prepared for that. As far as the medical professionals were concerned that had no worries about me having babies in my 40s and asked if I'd have another after my last one! If you're in good health there is no reason not to on a medical front.

My mum did it and said she shouldn't, in fact as much as I hate saying this for my sibling, I think she regrets it. She is the main reason I wont be having a child after 35.

I had a baby at age 41 and 44 no regrets.

I had my first at 42,a complete joy , happy contented baby and couldn't ask for more

I had two at 35 and 37 - if I'd wanted another, I would probably have been 40, which wouldn't have been an issue for me at all as I would have still been in the toddler stage anyway.

In your situation, I absolutely would not have another one. But the heart wants what the heart wants 🤷‍♀️. Do you have a new partner?

This is in a starting again sense, she had me mid 20s.

Had it been her first child in her 40s im not sure she would have known any different

I'm seriously considering it. Have one aged 4 and always wanted her to have a sibling but unable to afford two sets of nursery fees to had to wait. I'm 40 now. Would definitely have preferred to have a family 5-10 years ago but unfortunately life doesn't always go to plan.

my Mum had a baby at 40 and I’ve had a baby post-40. It has been successful for us - I enjoyed my youngest child so much more because we are now wealthier and more relaxed as a family. He has brought so much laughter and joy. Has it been hard work? Yes. But we keep ourselves fit and I honestly I find it easier than I did raising a young child in my 30s when I had financial pressures.

I love the school run, and play dates, and silly games - I love all of it. But you do need to remind yourself it’s hard work with a baby .

I had my second at 43, first at 35. I was told not to try having been seriously ill after the first one but, as time went on, I was much better and just couldn't wait any longer. I did have some specialist support (NHS)

100% agree.

Christ no. I'm 30's with a teen and I can't imagine doing it all again now, never mind after 40. I love my daughter to death but she's enough.

In your situation no.

If I was childless then yes.

(I'm early 40s with two primary school kids. Adding anymore seems absolutely bonkers to me!)

I had my only child at 42. I’m fine with that but I had two decades of healthy adulthood to enjoy before that, to travel, to develop my career etc. In your case I’d be afraid of getting to retirement without having time for myself.

I had DD at 37, which was all
right. Had DS last year at 41: awful, exhausting, debilitating pregnancy and Christ alive, I’m exhausted. And staring down the barrel of raising small children while perimenopausal and trying to up my pension contributions and pay for childcare and all in the knowledge I’ll be in my 60s when they’re at uni. I wish, daily, I’d had the opportunity to have kids when I’d first wanted them at 27 – just didn’t have the right fella. If I’d had them already I wouldn’t sign up for this now, as life is and energy is.

When you say desperate for a baby, how do you mean? Desperate to bring up another human or desperate to be pregnant and have a squishy baby?? Two very different reasons

Had a baby at 40, but not a first time parent. Never regretted a thing. Wholeheartedly I think I am a better/calmer mother than I was when I as 26!

If I was childless then yes, I'd try. In your shoes, no, definitely not.

I had my one and only at 40 and it's exhausting. I'm counting down the days til she's 18 - only nine more years to go. Peri menopause has removed any nurturing instinct I once had and I am so over it all.

My mum had a 16 year age gap and was similarly knackered bringing up her youngest. Very much do not recommend. Get a dog or a cat instead.

I would have loved another baby at 40, but I'm not healthy enough. If you are in full health, I don't see why not. I wouldnt wait around though. I should have just gone for it in my late 30s. If you're desperate and you don't, you'll always regret it.

It's not unusual to have a baby early 40s these days, no, but with you having a teen already, i can't imagine starting again

I don’t think being 40 would stop me. What would stop me is that you have a teenager and freedom is in sight!!!

No, I wouldn't. Especially not with that gap. But lots of women do, and manage fine.