Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you/did you have a baby past 40?

160 replies

PastryandCoffeeallday · 06/11/2023 11:09

Hi,

Just this really. I'm 39 with a teen already, but I'm desperate for another baby. Crazy to start over again when my first isn't far off the uni years, I'm sure many of you will cry, but that's where I'm at currently.

Just wondered how many of you would have/have had a baby post 40.

YABU - No, it's too old

YANBU - Yes, it's not unusual these days

OP posts:
Waitingfortulips · 18/01/2024 15:28

Mine were 13 and 10 when the 3rd was born. It was an intentional choice.

I can’t recommend it enough. It has been very positive for my family. I am enjoying it immensely. The child is thriving. The older ones love her.

I was more tired in my early 30s when I had 2 little ones than I was in mid 40s with teenagers and one little one.

Scorchio84 · 18/01/2024 16:02

PastryandCoffeeallday · 07/11/2023 13:08

Wow, so many replies and different angles. Thank you and sorry for my slow response.

Something that keeps coming up here is whether or not I just want a baby or another child with the 18 years plus of commitment. I'm pretty certain it's the latter. When people say things like "but you'll be free soon", I don't get it. Free from what? You're never really 'free' are you? I don't really want to be free. This could be because I am freaking out about being a young empty nester.

My dd would love me to have another now, but I'm not sure it would be the best thing for her with A Levels coming up. I also don't want her to feel as though we're making a new family, as apposed to just extending iyswim.

Oh and yes, I have a DP of many years, financially secure etc.

I think on balance though, I'm probably leaning towards no...with a heavy heart.

I'm exactly the same with the "being free" angle, it's never been something I ever considered to be honest. I have a six year old & if there was any way I could have another baby now I'd jump at the chance, I understand it's "horses for courses" without being flippant but I think if you & your OH are thinking about it just try, either way good luck with whatever you decide

MNUse · 18/01/2024 16:03

SweetBirdsong · 06/11/2023 22:48

This thread comes up once a week on here now I think! Shock

No, I would never have a baby past 40. Each to their own, but there are more 'againsts' than 'fors' IMO. As I said the other day on a thread like this, whilst you feel like healthy, vibrant, chipper 40-something, and feel properly ready and fit to handle a baby, you have to remember you will feel a lot different at 52-54 than you do at 42-44.

Menopause is a killer. You're tired and weary a lot more, and crabby half the time, and have sod-all patience with anything. And more physical ailments will kick in. Do you really want a 10-12 year old tween when you're knocking the door of your 60s?! I certainly wouldn't. I love my DC with all my heart, but now at 50-ish, I am more than happy to have an empty nest now. Been there done that, no more, no way.

This is our time now, DH and I. I especially don't understand why anyone would want to bring another child into the fold at 40+ when they already have children (and the last one was often a decade or more ago.) Resist @PastryandCoffeeallday don't do it. You have a teen already. Don't start over again!

As I have said before, I see a lot of women here who claim they have had one or more babies, past 42-43 years of age. I don't see it in real life. At all. And I live in an upper middle class area with many professionals around me.

It's like on mumsnet, all women who claim to be professionals/on £100K a year etc claim they kept their surname on marriage. In real life, every woman I know changed it to their husband's. Even the highly paid, highly educated professionals. (And the ones who claim to be ardent feminists!)

Maybe it’s generational. I’m a decade younger than you and know lots of married women who have kept their names (if they got married - several have just moved in with and had kids with their DPs)

2024andsobegins · 18/01/2024 16:09

Good grief, 40 is still a perfectly normal time and age to have a baby, I wouldn’t have hesitated at 40 if I had wanted one and know load of people who had them up until about 42/3

i Am 50 last child at 36. As a 50 year old im not old tired and crabby and destroyed by menopause, I could easily manage looking after a primary school child no problems. I feel the same as I did when I had my first at 28

BIossomtoes · 18/01/2024 16:35

2024andsobegins · 18/01/2024 16:09

Good grief, 40 is still a perfectly normal time and age to have a baby, I wouldn’t have hesitated at 40 if I had wanted one and know load of people who had them up until about 42/3

i Am 50 last child at 36. As a 50 year old im not old tired and crabby and destroyed by menopause, I could easily manage looking after a primary school child no problems. I feel the same as I did when I had my first at 28

Lucky you, I suspect you’re an outlier. I couldn’t have been arsed when I was 50 and I certainly didn’t feel the same as I did at 28.

DancesLikeAFairy · 10/03/2024 22:12

I had my first baby at 38 and my secoond at 41
I had a missed miscarriage and a regular miscarriage in-between, which made me scared in my final pregnancy. If id been married to a different man, I would have had my babies younger. It's obviously your decision but it could be harder being an older mum.

EC22 · 10/03/2024 22:14

I had an unplanned pregnancy at 40, just got my head round it, started to look towards the future and miscarried.
It broke my heart. So yes I would have, but I wouldn’t have planned to given the risk of miscarriage.

Abitlosttoday · 10/03/2024 22:27

I had one at 38, second at 40. Easy pregnancies and births, and I have lots of energy still at 44 but perimenopause is hard with little kids. Fury, frustration, sadness at losing looks and facing mid-life regrets head-on. It's a double whammy when your kids are still so dependent. School run will be over by 50 for me. I just calculated!!

Bythefireside · 10/03/2024 22:34

ComtesseDeSpair · 06/11/2023 11:16

It’s not unusual and far more people I know have had babies in their late thirties/early forties than in their twenties or early thirties. I think they’re all nuts, though!

I think you also have to essentially see it as raising two only children: the age gap is going to be too big for there to be any meaningful sibling relationship.

Nonsense I have 15 years between oldest and youngest and they are incredibly close

AffableApple · 10/03/2024 22:39

Had my first in my 40s. Turned out to be twins. (Be prepared for hyper-ovulation!)

New posts on this thread. Refresh page