Would you/did you have a baby past 40?

[PastryandCoffeeallday]

Hi,

Just this really. I'm 39 with a teen already, but I'm desperate for another baby. Crazy to start over again when my first isn't far off the uni years, I'm sure many of you will cry, but that's where I'm at currently.

Just wondered how many of you would have/have had a baby post 40.

YABU - No, it's too old

YANBU - Yes, it's not unusual these days

I did and I am so glad I did. She has completed me and our family and is an absolute delight. Being older we are much more laid back and I think we are better parents this time around. My advice would be go for it but make sure you are fit and in good health. Ps our oldest is 30 and youngest is 8 with 4 in between!

I had DD2 nine days before I turned 40. DD1 was almost 21 at this point, so absolutely we were starting again. It's hard work, but DD1 adores DD2 (DD1 still lives at home) and seeing that relationship between them is lovely!

Would I, personally, given my current personal circumstances? Probably not. I'm almost and have a 2 year old - probably going to start TTC again next year and I've set my 38th birthday as the mental cut-off point beyond which I intend to stop trying if it hasn't happened for us yet.

Can I imagine a world in which I might have had a child after 40? Sure - I think if I'd met my husband later and I'd been childless and approaching 40 then I'd have definitely given it a go.

I wouldn’t personally and in your situation, I definitely wouldn’t. You’re a breath away from an independent adult son/daughter, to restart with a baby now would indeed be crazy. If you didn’t have any children I’d be more inclined to say go for it but with a teenager, there’s no way starting from scratch makes any sense.

Yes.
I had my first at 38 and my second at 41. They are 22 and 19 now and we are all very close.
I was one of the older mums at the school gate but it mattered not one jot to me. I made friends with mums of all ages.
Go for it, OP, if you want to. Only you know your own life circumstances and if you are keen and feel able and have weighed up your own pros and cons then there is no reason not to!

I had my DD at 41 but that was just because it took us many years and mc the first one. I must say I don't have that same energy level I had when I was younger so I think I would have had more energy if I had had my DD earlier.

I always say, I found having a baby at 43 pretty easy but a toddler at 45/46, not so easy!

I had my first at 39 and in the two week wait to see if I’m pregnant again - if so I’ll be 42 when they’re born. Appreciate it’s different if you have older children and considering another at 40+ but there are loads of us having babies “older”.

Absolutely not. I have just turned 40 and my oldest is 17, youngest 12. There is no way I would go back to the baby stage again.

Perhaps if it was my first I would consider it at my age, but having older children there is no way I would go back to step one again now.

No definitely not. 40 was my cut off point.

I also think about this dilemma. We have two lovely young children but I would love a third. Due to my needing to get my career on track after having my last one and the age gaps we want I would need to have a third when I am perhaps 41. Not sure if it will even be possible of course. I don't know whether it would be mad, and I also worry about possible genetic issues. But I would love another baby...

Yes, first at 29 fourth at 45 - 2 emergency and then 2 planned c-sections and they got easier both the pregnancy, recovery and baby raising. The last one was a doddle - slept through the night from a couple of months, put himself to sleep, entirely self-reliant, and now an engaging, resilient and interesting teenager. My partner from a big Catholic family wanted six but that wasn't happening!

I had a baby at 41 but he was my first. I have a couple of friends who have teenage kids and now have babies my son's age and they're very happy but I have a friend my age with teenagers who loves her life and wouldn't go back to having babies.

So erm yeah that doesn't help much sorry!

I wouldn't, not for the age, but how it would potentially upset your family dynamic. Most teenagers would rather have their mum help them with A Level options/uni choices/attending open days/ planning the next stages of their lives/fun family holidays, rather than changing nappies and pushing a pram.

If you're confident it's what you really want it's no issue but I'd try to make sure it's not just prompted by you wanting a baby again (as opposed to a child) or feeling a bit lost with your first child going into adulthood/ fear of leaving a formative life phase behind.... or a late hormonal surge etc. I say this but I know from personal experience these things are really, really difficult to disentangle (eg. of course you want a squishy newborn but that doesn't mean you don't really want a child also!) I am having my third at 37 and I can't be entirely sure I'm doing it for the right reasons to be honest... I grappled with the decision for ages... having said that my first two are going to be 4 and 6.5 when the baby is born and I personally wouldn't want that gap any bigger as I worried they wouldn't have the same sibling relationship experience the older two have had. Maybe that's not a concern for you though if you enjoyed having an only child and it worked for your family.

I personally wouldn't, because I have two children close in age and if I was going to have a third I'd want to have one before 40 so as not to have a larger age gap.

I would TTC after 40 if I didn't have any other children, or if I only had one who was still young.

I don't think I would do it to have a third child, or if there was a large age gap. At some point you need to stop having babies.

I had a baby at 40 and it was absolutely fine. But he was my final child and I only had one other and she was only 2.5 years older than him. So in other words I just started my family quite late.

I'm not sure I would have done what you are proposing with the huge age gap. I do know a couple who had their first two children when they were very young (like 20 or something) and then had a much wanted and planned-for third child when she was in her late 30s. It worked out great for them but they are in a minority of one in my friendship circle!

It's not too old. My mum had me (her only child) at 42. I wouldn't have another dc when I'm 40 but that's because I'll have a 10yo and 13yo by then and I'm done having kids anyway, nothing to do with age.

I had mine in my 20s but if I didn’t meet my husband until my 30s then I’d still have wanted to try for them in my 30s/early 40s. However, in your situation with a 17 year old I think you’d be a bit mad! I couldn’t imagine starting all over again and with such a big sibling age gap too.

I had my 3rd at 42. I got pregnant at 41 but had to have a TFMR for genetic issues. Would highly recommend getting an NIPT if you are going ahead. I had GD with my third pg, never had any issues with it before but the risk increases with age. But I had no symptoms or ongoing issues.

Yes I did similar due to a second marriage. I had DD when DS was 16 and I was 40. DD has just finished her degree. It's been brilliant.

Not a chance! I'm 37 with a 6 and 8 year old, starting again fills me with horror. I'm looking forward to slowly regaining some of my life, it won't be long before I can go out for a run for an hour and leave them alone, I don't want to be adding on another 10 years before I can do something as simple as that.

If I was childless or had a toddler then I would potentially consider it because I would already be in deep, not slowly emerging to the surface beginning to see daylight.

Do you really want to start all over again? Nappies, pushchairs, sleepless nights, teething, potty training, your house filled with endless amounts of noisy plastic crap...

Feeling broody is understandable, I get it from time to time but sometimes we have to listen to our heads and not our hormones.

I was 40 when DD was born, my other kids were all teens, she was an accident, wasnt planned but we decided to go ahead with the pregnancy.

She has an amazing relationship with her older siblings despite the age gap and its useful as they can help with the school run if i am every stuck.

AS for the old "having to do the school run in your 50s" comment / sneer, it doesnt bother me in the slightest. She starts high school in September so wont need me for the school run anymore and i feel sad as taking her to school is our time together where we talk and laugh and she still holds my hand.

I wouldnt have had another one after the age of 40 but i dont regret it and have my amazing DD.

Me too x

Early 40s yes, late 40s no. Even without the extra health risks, I don't think it's fair on the child. You just won't have the energy of the younger parents and when your child is becoming an adult and navigating life they will need to provide you with support as you age and may lose you before their friends start to lose their parents.

In my mid-twenties I lost both of my parents and was the only support for an elderly auntie with dementia. Because of this I would want to protect my children from pain and for them to have parents for as long as possible and not have to worry about looking after me. If I was over 50 instead of having a baby I would focus on being a great auntie to young nephews, nieces and my friend's kids