Would you/did you have a baby past 40?

[PastryandCoffeeallday]

Hi,

Just this really. I'm 39 with a teen already, but I'm desperate for another baby. Crazy to start over again when my first isn't far off the uni years, I'm sure many of you will cry, but that's where I'm at currently.

Just wondered how many of you would have/have had a baby post 40.

YABU - No, it's too old

YANBU - Yes, it's not unusual these days

Personally no I'm too tired at 39 - but I already have a 9 and 12 year old... I always wanted a third but it never happened but definitely wouldn't want a surprise pregnancy now.

I wouldn't do it. Love the idea of a new baby, hate the idea of sleepless nights, painful pregnancy and labour, potty training etc.

I don't think you're reasonable or unreasonable. 40 isn't too old.

If it were my first then potentially, but as
it stands I had mine as 22 and 32 and I am done. My youngest is ten months and I’d forgotten how hard it is. I am so tired and feel like I have aged another 10 years in the last ten months. In my position I think as I get closer to 40 and my kids will be 17 and 8 then I’ll be starting to get my own life back after parenting little kids for the last 20 years!

😂that is so true @Chanelbasketballandchain

I would add that the more kids you have the more they can practically and emotionally help and support each other so there is some lightening of the parental 'load'. It was really easy having a baby with a couple of teenage girls to help out in the house. Think it might have put them off having children themselves early too! 😂

I had babies at 38 and 40. I would actually say no unless you can contemplate dealing with stroppy teenagers at a time when you are plagued by menopause and parent issues!

I had a baby at 40 and another at 45. Both easy pregnancies and easy deliveries. I would do it all again. Both children are thriving and the only thing that reminds me that I'm older is the mirror ☺️.

I had #2 post 40 and no it wasn't too old for me - yes it was (is) tiring but I'm more relaxed as an older Mum and more financially stable. Yes there's lots of uncertainty but there is anyway in life. These threads have some saying go for it and some saying don't - reading this you will know who you agree with and hopefully that's your answer.

But I’m never clear what is especially hard about this as opposed to any other time? Not everyone will have menopause issues or issues with their elderly parents and if they do there’s no given it will happen at that point!

God, no. I'm in my 30s with a teen and I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than start all over again with a baby!

I did.

I was told in my 30s I couldn't have dcs. Then at 44 I went to gp with extreme tiredness, and she made me do a pregnancy test. Then ds popped up on the ultrasound.
It was my one and only chance so I went ahead. Had ds at 45+2. All well. He's 15 now. The best part of my life 😊

I had my last at 40 but she was my fourth and the eldest was ten..

It's a totally personal choice

I've had baby's in my teens/20sand 30s. 39 now with a grandkid. My last baby was at 32 and the sleep deprivation almost killed me I felt so old aswell physically. No way could I have a kid in my 40s that would top me off 😬 had my grandchild for one night last week to give her parents a break it took me 3 days to recover from the night feeds!

My god yes, 32, you were a bit past it

These threads, honestly. They are bonkers.

I agree with others - as a first child, yes, or if I already had a small child, yes, but not combined with the age gap. I can't imagine wanting to start again at that age and stage of life.

Most of my 50 something friends are going through the menopause and planning retirement. Manageable with time to yourself - but hard if you still have dependent kids. My one friend who does still have primary aged kids is so tired at this stage and desperate to wind down at work but can't afford to due to doing everything later. I know that's not everyone of course - if you're financially better off it helps.

Had DS at 39 and DD at 42. Absolutely best decisions I have ever made, they make me happier than I ever thought possible and I love them more than I can describe. No problems with either pregnancy apart from GD which was stable throughout.
Am I sometimes tired? Well I did a full time job, full time degree and had 2 pre-schoolers so yeah. But no more than other parents I imagine. I have more money and am more patient than I was younger and my children have a wonderful life - lots of trips and holidays, days out, hobbies, and lots of attention. I travelled when I was younger and partied a lot and now they get 100% of me.

I had my last at 38. If I hadn't had children by 40 I'd most definitely try for one in my 40s. My desire to be a mother was overwhelming.
Now I do have kids it's not something I want. I felt fine in my early 40s but am now late 40s. Perimenopause is rough! Glad I don't have small kids. I'm so tired and anxious.

I would Absolutely not, its not the age, 40 is fine to have a baby, but with a 17 year old nearing independence having a baby would be signing up for another 18 years (at least) of child rearing

This family member has 13 year gap - but it's a lot harder than she thought though she loves them both.

IL had one and by 40s were child and mortgage free traveled the globe and set themselves up well for retirement.

I had my youngest a few days before my 40th. Older child was nearly 10. No regrets, feel that she completed our family perfectly.

But ...
I do sometimes worry how long we'll be around and well/ active enough to do all the same stuff our son has benefited from (lifts to uni etc). My husband was 53 when she was born and has much less energy this time round. I'm still very active (nearly 50) but arthritis is setting in and slowing me down. Haven't suffered at all from peri like many women my age but that's a possibility for you to think about.
My husband's parents have both passed and caring for his dad with dementia (until he went into a decent home) was a real struggle with juggling the toddler years. My parents are still alive but elderly with health issues so they've been very different grandparents than they were to our first.
All our friends now have teen and adult children and a lot more freedom than us. (I'm not complaining but having a primary age child limits us from joining in spontaneous stuff).
My son was later diagnosed with ASD and ADHD. Daughter is NT but we realised later there was a big risk she could also have been ND, possibly more severely. We were very lucky as I'm not sure how we'd have coped.

The good stuff:
Had her after years of secondary infertility. She was a real answered prayer and brought so much happiness into our lives. When she was born I thought "ah there you are"; it was like she had always been meant to be part of our family.
Bright, funny, kind, lovely! Has taught me new stuff and tested me in good and bad ways, all character building though.
Brilliant sibling dynamic between the two (didn't expect that). They bicker and wind each other up but are fiercely protective and proud of each other too.
Eldest is at uni and I miss him - wasn't ready for an empty nest yet!

Good luck with what you decide.

The ‘tired’ thing isn’t an age thing so much as how much sleep you’re used to.

My first was a lockdown baby, born towards the end of 2020. I’d been ‘working from home’ march - September 2020, which involved not very much, to be frank (teacher.) I was then ‘medically suspended’ (lovely phrase) from September onwards, so for the duration of my pregnancy I wasn’t at work, and I slept absolutely loads, having long afternoon naps as well as sleeping at night. When DS arrived I felt like I’d been hit by a train. The exhaustion was awful and I became desperate with it.

DS started sleeping through fairly reliably at about 18 months but did wake early, around 5 am. During my pregnancy with DD, I was weirdly plagued with insomnia. I could go to sleep no problem but would wake at around 2am and he up for a couple of hours, then DS would wake at around 530 (thanks DS.) So now I have baby DD and although she wakes once in the night, I’m sleeping much better as DS is now only waking past 7. It isn’t age, it’s just how your body adapts. If you have older children who have slept well then being plunged back into baby days is a shock!

Personally I wouldn't but I wouldn't judge anyone else doing it.

I had mine at 41 and 45, no regrets. I'll still only be 63 when the youngest goes to university, and I'll hopefully work for a few more years, then retire. Seems fine to me. My oldest has never had an issue with me being an older mum, my youngest did a bit when she was younger. But then again, I was embarrassed that my own mum was very young - she had me at 19. But it didn't do me any harm and I don't think my own children have suffered in any way.

For me personally, no I wouldn’t. We planned on 3 kids, had first 2 at 35 and 39 and frankly was feeling absolutely exhausted after that so stopped. Perhaps if we were younger then we’d have felt ok to have a 3rd.

but in general, I don’t think it’s too old if people feel individually able to do it.

My son was 19 when I was 40. The very thought of starting again made me nauseous. I’d just got my life back again.

Yes, I had one at 40 but if I already had a child, I wouldn’t have chosen to have a second past 40. Equally, its one of the reasons we have chosen not to have a second. Personal choices and all that.

Had mine at 41, obviously should have done sooner but it is what it is. Certainly no regrets. My mom was 42 when she had me, and same for her mom. (Youngest of a huge family.) I don't think 38 is that old.