Would you/did you have a baby past 40?

[PastryandCoffeeallday]

Hi,

Just this really. I'm 39 with a teen already, but I'm desperate for another baby. Crazy to start over again when my first isn't far off the uni years, I'm sure many of you will cry, but that's where I'm at currently.

Just wondered how many of you would have/have had a baby post 40.

YABU - No, it's too old

YANBU - Yes, it's not unusual these days

I wouldn't want to, and it would Damage my health to do so. I am on the coil to stop it happening but nothing is 100% and if I got pregnant then I couldn't abort so I would go through with it. 45 so not too old to deal with a baby, but I would not look forward to the pregnancy. My last one was 10 years ago and that was exhaustion enough.

I had my last close to 40 and knew it would be my last. The pregnancy was okay but looking after a new baby and toddler is physically so much more demanding when you’re older.

I had my first at 37, nearly 38 and then my twins at 41. I’m one of the risks everyone warns about on these older mum threads! Luckily I had relatively easy pregnancies even though I was a bit older. Would have liked to have had my family sooner but infertility had other ideas. We are more financially stable for being older and have more options to work part time etc but the trade off is the tiredness. I’m 43 now with 2.5 year old twins and being peri-menopausal (I suspect) is not making it an easy ride with the terrible twos- the tiredness, achiness, irritational rage! That said I wouldn’t change anything.

Would I want to start over again if I had a much older child though? I’m not sure I would.

No and no…

Had my one/only at 27 and looking forward to my life post 45 ☺️.

My sister had a 10 year gap and called me crying- she wanted me to tell her why the hell she’d started all over again. He’s now a lovely 10 year old though, so she’s relaxed a bit😀.

Yup and so have family and friends, oldest was 45 for her first. Just happened that way, no plans for children then wham bang lol. X

I did just this, but my DC2 was DHs only child, as I already had DC1 when we met. I wouldn't recommend it, to be honest, as it's hard work and I'm always tired these days. My health isn't as good as it was and I certainly feel my age and the menopause has made it worse. DGPs were too old by then, to be any help and now need a lot of support themselves, which is an added burden.
I'd suggest you look forward to enjoying your upcoming freedom instead.

I wouldn't, but nothing to do with age. Had three close together in mid to late thirties, and totally done after that!

If I were you, and me and husband were up for it, and we'd thought it all through, then ues- of course I'd go for it. Having a baby at 40 is fine!

Go for it!

Yes. I got married at 40 and had kids at 41 and 43. Many of my friends had kids post 40, one at 46! (She hot married at 29 and decided to let nature take its course - it just took a while to do so)! Only two via IVF - the rest all natural.
None of them 'planned' it, a few had one in their 20s then several miscarriages until another. A couple had larger families so their fourth child arrived after 40. None of them regret it.

I would have a first at that age but probably not in your position - starting all over again etc. But I’m not you!

This thread comes up once a week on here now I think!

No, I would never have a baby past 40. Each to their own, but there are more 'againsts' than 'fors' IMO. As I said the other day on a thread like this, whilst you feel like healthy, vibrant, chipper 40-something, and feel properly ready and fit to handle a baby, you have to remember you will feel a lot different at 52-54 than you do at 42-44.

Menopause is a killer. You're tired and weary a lot more, and crabby half the time, and have sod-all patience with anything. And more physical ailments will kick in. Do you really want a 10-12 year old tween when you're knocking the door of your 60s?! I certainly wouldn't. I love my DC with all my heart, but now at 50-ish, I am more than happy to have an empty nest now. Been there done that, no more, no way.

This is our time now, DH and I. I especially don't understand why anyone would want to bring another child into the fold at 40+ when they already have children (and the last one was often a decade or more ago.) Resist @PastryandCoffeeallday don't do it. You have a teen already. Don't start over again!

As I have said before, I see a lot of women here who claim they have had one or more babies, past 42-43 years of age. I don't see it in real life. At all. And I live in an upper middle class area with many professionals around me.

It's like on mumsnet, all women who claim to be professionals/on £100K a year etc claim they kept their surname on marriage. In real life, every woman I know changed it to their husband's. Even the highly paid, highly educated professionals. (And the ones who claim to be ardent feminists!)

I think I must add that this highly depends on personal circumstances. I had my first at 42 and was from the outset a single mother.

I was healthy, no meds , exercised well, low bmi, low blood pressure blah blah.

Furthermore I was financially relatively secure, own house, decent job.

I have the unconditional support of my mother, who helps whenever I need it.

Given my baby was my first, and I was obviously mature, I looked at motherhood differently. I had time to read books in pregnancy and hit the ground running when she was born.

I tackled motherhood with patience but also had boundless energy for dd.

She as a result, I believe is a very contented child, happy, smiley and barely ever cries.

I had an uneventful pregnancy. So what im saying is if I hadn't been any of the above, I never would've chosen to have a baby at 42.

It’s not too old in age to have another baby at all. Just depends if you’re happy with the fact your entire adulthood is dominated around raising young kids.

my cousin had her first at 22 and her second at 40. She openly says she regrets the fact (but doesn’t regret the child of course!) that she’s now in her mid 50’s and has therefore been raising children her entire adult life and it’s not over yet, and that she still has such restrictions on her life at her age

however, some women absolutely thrive on their role as mothers and so this wouldn’t bother them. It’s each to their own really

I am 51, and having the time of my life travelling and enjoying my hobbies, now DC are grown. I would not want to start over again, and spend my entire adulthood raising kids. But horses for courses, and all that.

I wouldn’t want another one in your situation but that’s not the point - you do.

The only thing I’d really examine within yourself is whether you actually want another baby, and another pregnancy and another 18 years of child-rearing, or whether this is actually a longing for something else.

The reason I say that is I experienced a very strong longing for a third baby, but I eventually realised that I didn’t actually want a third child. I didn’t want a third mouth to feed and a third car seat and a third set of nursery fees. I was just sad about my older two getting bigger and I wanted to re-live their babyhood.

I just wonder if you’re experiencing a kind of ‘last chance’ feeling, especially with your age and your child being on the cusp of adulthood?

Wow, so many replies and different angles. Thank you and sorry for my slow response.

Something that keeps coming up here is whether or not I just want a baby or another child with the 18 years plus of commitment. I'm pretty certain it's the latter. When people say things like "but you'll be free soon", I don't get it. Free from what? You're never really 'free' are you? I don't really want to be free. This could be because I am freaking out about being a young empty nester.

My dd would love me to have another now, but I'm not sure it would be the best thing for her with A Levels coming up. I also don't want her to feel as though we're making a new family, as apposed to just extending iyswim.

Oh and yes, I have a DP of many years, financially secure etc.

I think on balance though, I'm probably leaning towards no...with a heavy heart.

Don't you want to be free to travel, have more time with DP, take up a new hobby, get fit, write a book or paint, meet friends more often? Or just binge watch TV on the weekends without having to cook or clean as much?Think of the benefits of the empty nest!

You're never really 'free' are you?

Yes you are. If I’d had another at 40 I’d have spent 37 years bringing up kids - virtually the whole of my adult life - by the time I was 58. There’s more to life than that. I spent my 40s and 50s building my career and travelling, free from all the demands a small child makes of you. I’d have been really resentful not to have had those opportunities.

Baby in 40s isn't for me, I've got one now at 35 and DH has had a vasectomy so he is our last! I barely have the energy now nevermind in my 40s

One thing that I’m curious about OP: if you did really want another baby and it’s the same DP, I am v interested in why it is you think you’re considering it now, rather than 10-15 years ago? It’s this that makes me wonder whether it’s been brought on by something else eg. Entirely understandable worries about empty nest etc (although as @Lentilweaver says there will be so many lovely things about having an empty nest!)

If it’s what you want then go ahead.

My eldest was 17 when my twins were born just a couple of weeks after my 40th birthday. Whilst they certainly make me feel old and exhausted they also keep me young too! It has its hard parts like anything does, but I’m also absolutely loving it! Certainly wouldn’t change it!

I had dc2 just before my 41st birthday.
DC1 was only 3 though.

I'm not sure I'd have been so keen if dc1 had been a teen!

2nd at 40, first at 37. No more

I had my last at nearly 41. I had plenty of energy then, but not so much as a grandparent in my 70s.

I’m 39 and have a 14 year old, 5 year old and pregnant with my third. It’s the right thing for us.

DC had her first at 40, 2nd at 43, 3rd at 44, 4th at 45 and 5th at 46. Each pregnancy was textbook