Would you/did you have a baby past 40?

[PastryandCoffeeallday]

Hi,

Just this really. I'm 39 with a teen already, but I'm desperate for another baby. Crazy to start over again when my first isn't far off the uni years, I'm sure many of you will cry, but that's where I'm at currently.

Just wondered how many of you would have/have had a baby post 40.

YABU - No, it's too old

YANBU - Yes, it's not unusual these days

@Consideratestone of course we can’t predict it; only talking about my own experience. At a time when I was getting quite tired I had a lot on my plate and two very difficult teenagers. They weren’t difficult when they were toddlers or even before the age of about 13, I really didn’t expect it. I feel like I would have coped better if I was about 10 years younger and menopause free.

Was it pcos?

Because some doctors seem to specialise in telling women with pcos they'll never have kids (or they need to try as young as possible) ; only for them to end up having kids.

Apparently the effects of pcos lessen as women get older, so they are actually more like to have kids older.

I know a woman with pcos with kids at 39 and 40 (nearly 41) who was told she'd not have them and advised to have a hysterectomy etc.

I would if I had small kids but I wouldn’t do teenager + a baby. Party because it sounds exhausting but partly because I can imagine having a toddler running round while you’re trying to study for a levels would be a pain

I would, it’s a personal choice but I don’t feel old at 35. My Grandmother had a baby at 40 and DP’s had him in her early 40’s - both have great relationships with their grandchildren and are very fit and healthy. DP’s Mum regularly minds her grandchildren.

I have a 1 year old and would love a couple more but not too close together - I don’t fancy 2 under 2! Well most likely be done before 40 but I’d ttc another then if my family doesn’t feel complete.

Not with a teen. I'd be looking forward to doing adult stuff and nice adult only holidays

I don’t think it’s an age thing for you that would put me off. It’s the age gap for the baby and your child. Starting all over again, never getting your life back until your mid to late 50’s?

no thanks. If you didn’t have one I’d be like sure , have 2 in 18 months it will be ace. But you’ve been there and done that and now life will become yours again to enjoy!

No it’s not unusual. In my circle of friends, many of us had our first around 35, followed by a second 2/3 years later. My sister had 2 of her 4 kids over the age of 40 too.

I had both mine after 40, just the way my life panned out, not my choice to leave it so late. I know a lot of other women who had babies post 40, sometimes a first and only at 46 , sometimes a last, or another two with a new partner having teenagers from a previous relationship.

I had my one and only at 43, i had perfectly straightforward complication free pregnancy and birth.

I'm 37 and have gone back and forth on this. I have an 8 year old and a 9 year old SS and had always expected I'd have another but as time has gone on I've had to talk myself out of it. There is a huge tug at my heart to have another but the kids we have are older now and I feel it would impact them quite strongly as they areat a similar age and like doing things as a family, a much younger child would impact the things we could all enjoy together and would obviously the huge financial impact would limit this as well. They are both lovely and independent so I struggle to imagine starting over. I also feel it might make SS feel less part of the family as currently due to locations they aren't here as much as we like and we might not be in a position to move for a good few years. All of this logic makes me know it's probably the right choice not to have another but I still feel sad about it 🤷‍♀️

For me it would be a big no!! Currently 38 with an 18 and 15 year old and there’s no way on earth I would be going back to the baby stages. I spent my 20s and 30s raising my kids, my 40s and 50s will be for career and travel, not starting all over again with sleepless nights and nappies. I’m also far far more miserable without sleep than I was in my early 20s!! I love my kids dearly and we are very close, but I don’t feel the need to do it all again.

if I didn’t have kids I would consider having one up until 41/42 but in your position, no, I wouldn’t do it.

I had my first at 41, after many years of trying. Adopted at 46.

I wouldn't dream of giving advice based on my experience, it's so individual.

DC2 at 41. DC1 was 14. DC2 now 2.5, DC1 17. In some ways, it does feel like 2 only children, in that I'm doing very different parenting for both simultaneously and I'm with DC2 on our own a lot of the time, but there is no way I'd say they don't have a meaningful relationship! I am loving parenthood the second time round - very different circumstances now. I'd say go for it.

I started an UG degree with a one and a three year old running round the house and wrote up a PhD with a baby. It wasn't them that made it hard just the self-belief and if anything they helped me keep a sense of perspective and priorities.

I can't imagine A levels are any more difficult especially when it isn't your child/responsibility and you aren't the householder.

Just to add - bragging here just trying to say that I don't think we do our kids any favours by not teaching them resilience, adaptability and flexibility - if we let them get too precious, entitled or self-absorbed it doesn't do them any favours in the long run. At least, that's what I have learned from being a mother and grandmother for 33 years.

You had your first quite young so might feel older. But 38 is now a normal age to have babies. Provided you’re healthy and have the money and will you should go for it

I was 41 - nearer 42. I wouldn't recommend it, due to higher liklihood of ill health coming unexpectedly - things seem to change rapidly as you reach your fifties. Also if you have a male partner, of the same age or older, I think they struggle even nmore, and lack flexibity, enery and tolerance. There's alsos the worry of health problems for baby

Had 1st at 37, then 39 , then 42.

No I wouldn't actively plan for another child, even at my age now (38)

But if I got pregnant, I'd be having a baby, even if I was 51.

Yes, had one at 41 and one at 48. The gap is probably more of an issue than my age tbh, as they are at such different stages and don't really get on.

However, if I had a child or children in my 20s or early 30s, I don't think I would have wanted to start again over 40. But that's my choice - you might love it.

What I would say is it isn't as exhausting as people seem to think, but don't underestimate the effect it may have on your friendships and social life. For the first 4 or 5 years of my youngest's life, most people I knew still also had youngish kids, but now theirs are teens or older, and they are starting to have adult only parties and events that are suddenly not so easy for me. It's not a massive thing, but worth bearing in mind as you may need to start making friends with younger kids. At 40, that's not so bad as plenty of parents of babies are late 30s/early 40s now - I barely registered with my daughter's friends' parents. I am definitely a bit of a granny at the school gates with my son, but I'm much older than you.

Whatever you decide, best of luck.

I’ve studied when my kids were tiny too, but that was my choice and I think you’re much more inclined to just get on with things as an adult and a parent. Teens are a bit more emotional and need more support from their parents. I don’t think it’s impossible but I do think it makes things more difficult at a stressful time- my sister is 8 years younger and her toddler years were definitely tricky for me and that’s without exams to do.

I'm 38, nearly 39 and I'd still consider another baby for the next 5 years or so. But I'm pretty fit for my age and I've got a young primary aged child.
I think it would be hard starting again with a much bigger age gap though.

Nope I'm done in my early 40's. 8y gap between my too. So my teen can watch his brother sometimes and it's brilliant. We don't have any help at all.

Not broody in the slightest, love love newborn / baby stage and hated the toddler years and slightly older with my very strong willed 2nd child. Can not do that again, ever.

This

I have friends who had first and sometimes second babies in their 40s, and others who finished their families in their 40s and was delighted for them.

It wasn't right for me, though. My personal cut-off for having babies was 35.