Would you/did you have a baby past 40?

[PastryandCoffeeallday]

Hi,

Just this really. I'm 39 with a teen already, but I'm desperate for another baby. Crazy to start over again when my first isn't far off the uni years, I'm sure many of you will cry, but that's where I'm at currently.

Just wondered how many of you would have/have had a baby post 40.

YABU - No, it's too old

YANBU - Yes, it's not unusual these days

I had a baby days before my 41st birthday, I already had two dc who were 9 and 7 at the time. She was a 'surprise' baby and I did think long and hard about whether keeping her would be the right thing to do.

She is 11 now and an absolute joy, unfortunately me and her dad split up some years ago so I am a single parent to her and her half-siblings. My elder two are now away at University so it is just me and my youngest home most of the time. It is difficult, obviously, being a single parent but the difficult times are much outweighed by the good times. I have been much more laid back with her, I have enjoyed the various stages more as I know how quickly they pass. She has a fantastic relationship with her elder siblings (half but they never think of themselves as only half siblings). I do sometimes think that I not had her I could be living my life again, with the elder two now pretty much left home however she is here and we have a great relationship. She keeps me busy but also fills the house with a lot of laughter.

I am so glad I have her, sad sometimes that I am a single parent again but definitely not maudlin about it. I am no more tired as I was in my 30s with the elder two, in fact there are times where I say she keeps me young (I am now 52).

I am the eldest mum in her class but honestly I don't care, it has never bothered me. I have a good relationship with her friends parents, we are not 'besties', I already have a good set of friends so have never tried to become close to them like that.

I think if my pregnancy not have been a almost miracle (on contraception and 40) I would have not ever considered having another baby but now I have her I feel incredibly lucky.

I would Absolutely not, its not the age, 40 is fine to have a baby, but with a 17 year old nearing independence having a baby would be signing up for another 18 years (at least) of child rearing. Dont get me wrong, I love this stage of parenthood but 35 years of nappies, school runs, tantrums? No thanks! I’m looking forward to my time being my own again, to travel, to hopefully retire one day. isn’t there anything you are looking forward to now your eldest is nearly grown?

Yes I would if I wanted to. I'm 41 and couldn't go back but that's because I've spent the last 6 years with very small kids and the baby days are just behind me. You obviously enjoyed it and know what you're getting into so yes in your situation I probably would.

With regard to the OP's dilemma, I think it would be totally fine to go for it. Realistically, any baby born with that large an age gap would have more or less the experience of an only child (with the older sibling having more like an aunt/uncle type role). Many people have their first and often only baby about 40ish. In fact among professionals in London I would say this is much more common than having a baby in your 20s. I know plenty of very happy mums who have had babies that age. Yes the early years are difficult but you know what you are signing up for. If you think you (and your partner?) have the energy, emotional resources and money then why not go for it? I think would in that position.

I have just turned 40 and have a 17 and 13 year old......I would rather flick my eyes out with cocktail sticks than have another baby at this point 🤣
I have almost started to smell the freedom, I can go out whenever I like and don't need a babysitter, they make their own way to and from college/school. It's bliss after some long hard years working full time and trying to be everywhere and everyone all of the time.
So just to be clear, no I wouldn't have a baby in your circumstances!!

No, I don't think my body could handle it!

Had Ds early 20's and it was breezy, this time round I'm nearly 30 and pregnancy has felt SO much harder 🤣

No I personally wouldn’t want to have a child in my 40s or even over 35.
I guess I’d be more likely to if I didn’t already have a child or had a younger child (probably one that hadn’t yet started school). I definitely wouldn’t if I had a teenager.

The age gap between the 2 would bother me a lot more than being 40.

Being 40 is not ancient, women always had children later in life, it's not a modern issue. I see a lot women late 30s early 40s a lot healthier and stable than they were at 20, education is done, career is established, they take care of themselves and exercise, enough years to know if they want a child or not. Complete non issue.

Having a teenager and a baby? I am not sure, is it fair on the teen? Do you want to juggle that tricky age with a newborn as well?

To answer your question, I wouldn't, not because of my age, because of the age of my older child/

I tried and failed to have a baby at 40. It ended in miscarriage. Afterwards I concluded that I couldn’t face the risk of going through that again.

No i didn't and i wouldn't want to.

But, if you want to then - go for it :)

I had two: DS at 40, DD at 42.

One of my friends had three girls in their teens and had a baby a few months ago. It’s been fine. I do think these threads get a bit taken over by people horrified at the thought but that’s obviously not you or you wouldn’t be considering it!

Sometimes these people who you call 'nuts' were unable to have children when they were younger. Perhaps they hadn't met the right partner and didn't want to go it alone or had medical issues, maybe they were in an unsuitable abusive relationship and needed to heal from that. Women need to stop judging each other's life choices in this way and recognise that having kids isn't as easy as just going 'hmm I want one....now' like ordering out of a catalogue. It isn't that easy for some people.

Also tired of hearing mum's say - Omg? You're having a kid now, I wouldn't have the energy now. It's like..hmmm maybe that's cause you've spent your younger years running around after kids and are worn out. Some older women have had more leisure and therefore more energy to have them older.

Live and let live!!

If childless yes or with a child who is very young and therefore still in the sort of baby stage but I wouldn't if I already had a teenager.

Are you fit and healthy? Stable relationship, finances, home? Does your OH want another child too? If so there's no reason to think you shouldn't on account of your age. The only thing is to be emotionally prepared that conception might be less easy, and there's some increased risk of miscarriage. But if your body can do it the rest of you can- 40 is not old.
I had two DC over 40 by which time I was professionally secure and able to dictate my terms at work. I had a level of maturity that helped me over some of the humps in the road, and a proper grown up relationship with my DH who by this stage in life (40s) was able and willing to put our DC first in big life decisions.
Sure, I'm a little older than most other mums at the school, and I won't be able to retire early. Sure, I had a higher risk pregnancy. Being a parent demands unselfish commitment (although great to have a ready made babysitter) so you wont be able to suddenly put yourself first having successfully launched your DC1.
But the heart wants what the heart wants. When I look at my beautiful teen DC I'm lost in love, wonder and thankfulness. You should make the choice that works for you, @PastryandCoffeeallday , don't let strangers tell you you're too old.

I have a 15 year old son, I never thought I would have anymore children and didn’t plan to but at 38 I found myself pregnant again.
The pregnancy went smoothly and baby is only 6 months old. I don’t feel any more tired than I did at 23 but realise this may change as the baby gets older.
If you want another baby then I wouldn’t let your age be a factor in this decision x

I had my first - and only DC - at 43 (by choice, had never wanted a DC before). It was problem free and I felt relaxed and confident about being a mother ... but I wouldn't have done it if I already had a 17 year old.

I wouldn’t if I had a teenager already. That’s a lot of upheaval when they have exams/are finding their feet going from a child to an adult.

I think I would have a baby up to very early 40s.
My mum had my brother at 40 and I have a few friends that had babies in early 40s and one at 45. It worked out OK for all of them.
2 of my friends in their 40s who had babies did suffer miscarriages before a successful pregnancy so that is something to bare in mind.
Would also explore the reasons for wanting a baby. I think there's a huge biological urge- a last hoorah - in early 40s before perimenopause.
may it also be you are finding it hard to let go as oldest becomes more independent?
But if you are fit , healthy, financially secure and partner is onside then go for it if its what you want

I had one at 39 and a half

It's kind of normal in my circle of friends

Loads had babies at 40-42

First at 19, second at 45 so a 26 year age gap for me!
a lot of some challenges but a lot of joy and I wouldn’t change a thing. Physically much harder than I anticipated, especially my energy levels now he’s 11 and I’m 57 but we have a good life and we’re all happy.
Only you know your family dynamics, personalities and energy levels. Wishing you well with whatever you decide 😊

I don't personally understand the viewpoint of wanting to be being free of children - our lives are our family and children and they enrich it and bring us joy. Over the years they have widened our social circle, entertainment and travel opportunities through their various and varied friendships and out of school activities and education/sport/drama/music etc. We have never been bored or lacking something to do!

My children are all young adults now, good friends with each other and us. Yes they cost us a lot and we couldn't afford flashy cars or lots of holidays but I consider myself fortunate and wouldn't have missed it all for any amount of money!

Personally, I wouldn't have a baby at that age.

If you were childless, I would say go for it, but I don't think I could go through looking after a baby at 40.

I don't understand it at all either, especially because once they are there, you are never "free" of them 😂

They might be hold enough you don't need to hold their hand, they might even have their own place, but they are still your kids, your responsibility, you help!

I did BUT (and its a very big but imo) my eldest was only 2 and a half when I got pregnant post 40 so we were still very much small child stage.

Even now with an 8 year old and a 5 year old I can't imagine going back to having a newborn.

That said I found pregnancy OK, literally bounced back from an emcs ( reasons were nor related to age) and still had plenty of energy.

I personally wouldn't, but I don't think it's too old necessarily. All depends on the person and how willing they are to throw themselves into parenting (ie not let their age limit what they are willing to offer a child).

I'd be more concerned about having a baby when I have a teenager, than the age I am. I wouldn't want the practicalities of dealing with such differently aged children and also don't think it's fair to the teenager to inflict a baby on them at that age (unless teen is very enthusiastic).