SIL keeping her baby away

[onlymeandmy]

My sil and bro got married a year ago, we had never met before they got married. She was ok then but since having the baby has been rude and distant and keeps my brother and her baby from my parents and the rest of us.
We have made a lot of effort for her but she is so ungrateful. My mother took 2 weeks off work to stay with her son and help dil for the birth, but she refused and told my brother to tell her that she doesn't want anyone there. My mother doesn't speak English so he has to translate everything for his wife, who doesn't speak out language. She made my mum stay with my sister who lives local to them and was made to feel guilty and unwelcome when she spent the days at her house. We then found out that her own mother was staying at their house. All we wanted was to help and spend time with her new grandchild. My mum went cooked and cleaned and bought kitchen appliances but she was just so ungrateful. My sister was going around in the evenings after the baby was born and she was just so rude and could tell she didn't want anyone, but her own mother to hold the baby. I'm sure she was a bit irritable after surgery, but has been 3 months now and still not letting us have access to the baby.
She takes the baby to her mum and dad and sister all the time, but we are made to feel like we can't go around to my brothers house. We still do, but we are clearly not welcome. She has only attended once with the baby to my mum and dad so they have barely seen their grandchild. All whilst her family see the baby at least once a week.
Her family have lots of grandchildren and mine only have this one so she is being so selfish by withholding him. How can we build a relationship if we aren't allowed to see him.
She is pulling my brother away from his family and being selfish with my nephew.
AIBU?
What can we do to get her to see what's she's doing?

Your mum was very unreasonable to want to stay with them the first 2 weeks after SIL giving birth.
To me she sounds like the MIL from hell.

This is not going to go well op.....🍿🍿

Reverse?

But it’s HER baby. You and your mother and all the other hangers-on who want to see the baby are just that, hangers-on. You don’t have an automatic right to access to a young baby.

She’s his mother. She wants him close to her. She clearly doesn’t feel comfortable with you trying to take her baby away, and I don’t blame her.

Good on the SIL! You all sound overbearing. Why would you want a woman who you can't communicate with, living in your house when you've just given birth?

Actually, is this a reverse?!

So, let me get this straight. Your mother assumed a DIL she barely knows and with whom she doesn’t share a language was going to want her to stay at her house for a fortnight after she gave birth?

I can imagine your SIL’s version of this.

I wouldn’t have my mil staying for 2 weeks after my baby was born but keeping the baby away from you all is unreasonable especially when she accepts her own family so much however it’s your brother you need to take this up with.

this happened in our family, sil kept cancelling plans for us to visit , now we don’t have a relationship with our niece. Mums to blame for that one so can’t complain as it’s been her own doing. There is only so much you can do.

Your poor SIL. You should have given her space and time when the baby was born.

Good lord! Is this a joke? The immiediate post birth period is cslled the gourth trimester for a reason. I certainly would not have wanted my husband’s non English speaking family living with me and controlling my first months with my new baby—how alienating and frightening to have people living with me who I can’t communicate with, transforming our new gamily of three into a multi generational negotiation.

Reverse?

I'm not sure how to answer because I'm pretty sure you're the SIL who finds her in law's overbearing and quite sensibly didn't want her MIL who she barely knows and doesn't share a language with taking over her home for two weeks after the birth of her first child.

Did anyone ask her is she wanted “help” after the birth or did you just all impose yourselves on her?

You go round when you've not been invited and then wonder why she acts like you're not welcome? Seriously? It sounds like SIL is sick to death of you, your mother and your sister totally ignoring her boundaries.

As for your mother inviting herself round for 2 weeks and then moaning about SIL being ungrateful, words fail me.

Your poor SIL, no wonder she keeps you all at arm’s length

Yabu, she's not being selfish it's HER baby! Not yours or your mother's. I'm.not surprised she didn't want a practical stranger who speaks a different language to her staying for 2 whole weeks right after she had just gave birth. Its a vulnerable and emotional time and its natural to want her mum to help. The more you all push her I think she will want to see you all less and less so its your own faults. Give her some space!

Have you discussed this with your brother? The baby has two parents, why are you blaming everything on the woman who has just given birth?

Come on, this MUST be a reverse or a wind up surely? Your mother thought she could just move in for 2 weeks with her DIL, without even asking, and when she doesn't speak the same language? Has anyone made any effort to actually accommodate what your SIL might like or need?

And where is your brother in this? Lots of complaints about SIL - but why isn't he stepping in to act as the middle man here?

Blimey. Poor woman. You sound like cartoons of imposing entitled nightmare inlaws.

What’s that lyric from the Cha Cha slide?

Oh yeah - ‘reverse, reverse.’

Reverse

Did your mum assume she'd be wanted right after the birth? Did the SiL invite her or your mum just invited herself? Your family sounds very overbearing so I feel sorry for your SIL.

Also, does your brother have a voice? Is he mobile? If he has not made the effort to bring his son to meet his family, then maybe he actually agrees with his wife.

KEEP OUT of their life!

Reverse. I can even hear the beeping noise.

She's not selfish, she is the mother of the baby.
I don't think I'd want someone I didn't know inviting themselves into my home, who I can't communicate with without my husband, for the 2 weeks immediately after I'd given birth.

My mother took 2 weeks off work to stay with her son and help dil for the birth, but she refused and told my brother to tell her that she doesn't want anyone there. My mother doesn't speak English so he has to translate everything for his wife, who doesn't speak out language. She made my mum stay with my sister who lives local to them and was made to feel guilty and unwelcome when she spent the days at her house. We then found out that her own mother was staying at their house. All we wanted was to help and spend time with her new grandchild. My mum went cooked and cleaned and bought kitchen appliances but she was just so ungrateful

Just read this back to yourself. It will be obvious why SIL doesn’t want anything to do with your family.

She requested space after birth. Yet, your mother ignored this request and fronted up! Bloody hell. Her own mother is different, she gets to decide who she wants there at the time and she made clear only her mum. Then your mother disregards this even further (a normal person would have meekly gone home after she was packed off to the sisters place), and goes to the house, where she is not wanted at that time, AND decided to buy kitchen appliances uninvited! Really, she is lucky SIL would ever talk to her again.

The real beef you should have is with your brother. Why did he not have strong words with your mother at the time and tell her how unacceptable her behaviour was?

This is hilarious 😂