Page 9 | 12 year old still believing the Christmas elves are real

Diggingmyselfahole · 2023-11-05T22:29:47+00:00

I feel really bad as I think I ruined one of my pupils Christmas experience the other day. I tutor a 12 year old girl. As we were packing up for the end of the lesson, she asked me about Christmas and if my Dd was excited, just general Christmas chit chat. I told her yes and that I might start the elves this year but I don’t know if I’ll remember to change the silly thing they’re doing each morning etc. She looked a bit strange then said were they fake elves I was talking about as her mum didn’t move them etc, she looked a bit embarrassed then explained it away that there are some that are real and some that are fake and sort of asked me if that was true? It then dawned on me that she still believed in her parents doing the elves 😳and I felt really bad. I don’t know, by high school, I was getting up to all sorts of naughty things with my pals, I realise all kids are different and it’s great she’s more innocent Felt really bad, but Aibu to have assumed by 12 she wouldn’t believe in all that still?

threatmatrix · 07/11/2023 23:49

notahappybunny7 · 07/11/2023 11:53

I do everything “magical”for my child, elf, we’ve been to lapland, loads of Christmas days out, make pancakes into snowmen, the lot. I won’t be devastated when she finds out Santa isn’t real, she’ll have just passed that stage, I’ll enjoy it now.

I grew up with a mum who couldn’t be arsed to do anything fun or special, not going make my kid feel that way.

And they will love you for it.

Diolchynfawr · 07/11/2023 23:57

I was an incredibly imaginative and innocent child with my head in the land of make-believe 90% of the time.

I started to get suspicious about Santa aged 7.
I knew deep down but pretended to believe aged 8, and by 9 I was helping to fill the stocking of my little brother.

YANBU to assume a 12 year old knows it’s the grown ups!

Disturbia81 · 08/11/2023 02:21

Mrssheppard18 · 07/11/2023 12:03

I don’t understand all the comments saying they should know by that age, why should they? Let them believe in magic for as long as they like, the worlds a shitty enough place as it is so why take that from them? They’ll grow out of it when they’re ready.

Exactly!
And intelligence and believing in magic aren't mutually exclusive.. a lot of the time believing is convincing ourselves of something but being aware deep down that it might not be true. It's just a young version of escapism.. let them be innocent.

ElvesAreReal · 08/11/2023 10:23

Growing up I was a firm believer, but only because I had "proof".

Local department store Santa misplaced my letter to him when I was a tot and that eventually resulted in me having letters and postcards from Santa.

I'd realised that "my" Santa wasn't the same as everyone else's by the time I was 9, so when my Mum sat me down at 11 to tell me that he wasn't really Santa the only thing I could say was "you'd better not tell him that, because as far as he is concerned he is".

Whenever anyone would ask if Santa was real, I would say (and still do now) that he's real if you want him to be, but don't tell him he's not.

My Santa would deliver the gifts to the local children's ward, and buy gifts for disadvantages children from his own money, often being the only gift they'd receive. It turns out there are many Santa-types all over that are certainly real and spreading magic.

Ohhoho · 08/11/2023 10:37

I don't know what you are talking about

Stressedoutmammy · 08/11/2023 12:51

You haven’t done anything wrong and have probably done the parents a favour! My 12 has never said he doesn’t believe or even asked about Santa, he does know the elves are not real though. I assume he knows the truth but is going along with it for his younger sister (9) because that’s the sort of kid he is, it’s fun and he gets a load of presents out of it so why rock the boat! This year his sister is starting to doubt but has said “I believe in him!” She’s far more logical but also very sensitive and likely to be upset that she’s been fooled. I kind of wish we could get it all out in the open because quite frankly Christmas Eve has become so stressful but I assume, I’ve done such a good job they just want to carry on! 🙈 back to the point of the post, if my kids are really believing i would rather someone else tell them now so we can move on, so definitely not your fault and don’t worry about it.

Harmonypus · 08/11/2023 13:10

As a child, my mother told me all these stupid lies, and when I discovered the truth at age 7, I HATED her for lying, so much so that I refused to speak to her for several years (yes, this is truthful, she'd always said she didn't/wouldn't lie to us kids, but she'd done just that, and lied to us all along).

I vowed that I'd never lie to my kids and my DH agreed. So, we've NEVER LIED to our kids, never told them santa/tooth fairy/easter bunny/elves etc were real, and that everything they had (sweets, clothes, toys etc), was bought by us, and that we had to work to earn the money to do so.

Then some kid in my eldest's class at school argued with him that santa was real (when he was 6) and he came home spouting this rubbish, so I took him into the city centre that weekend, and we trekked around, expecting to see a many as 5 different santas in one afternoon, so he could see that they were all different, wearing fake beards etc, and that there was no way that one of them could move from place to place when there were queues waiting to see them. He realised by the time we were in the third queue that I was right and the kid at school was wrong.

My kids are now grown adults and have said that if they ever have kids they will also tell them the truth, and not lie about something that can do easily be disproved.

DoktorPeppa · 08/11/2023 13:13

Harmonypus · 08/11/2023 13:10

As a child, my mother told me all these stupid lies, and when I discovered the truth at age 7, I HATED her for lying, so much so that I refused to speak to her for several years (yes, this is truthful, she'd always said she didn't/wouldn't lie to us kids, but she'd done just that, and lied to us all along).

I vowed that I'd never lie to my kids and my DH agreed. So, we've NEVER LIED to our kids, never told them santa/tooth fairy/easter bunny/elves etc were real, and that everything they had (sweets, clothes, toys etc), was bought by us, and that we had to work to earn the money to do so.

Then some kid in my eldest's class at school argued with him that santa was real (when he was 6) and he came home spouting this rubbish, so I took him into the city centre that weekend, and we trekked around, expecting to see a many as 5 different santas in one afternoon, so he could see that they were all different, wearing fake beards etc, and that there was no way that one of them could move from place to place when there were queues waiting to see them. He realised by the time we were in the third queue that I was right and the kid at school was wrong.

My kids are now grown adults and have said that if they ever have kids they will also tell them the truth, and not lie about something that can do easily be disproved.

0/10

Monkeymonkeymoo · 08/11/2023 14:21

notahappybunny7 · 07/11/2023 11:53

I do everything “magical”for my child, elf, we’ve been to lapland, loads of Christmas days out, make pancakes into snowmen, the lot. I won’t be devastated when she finds out Santa isn’t real, she’ll have just passed that stage, I’ll enjoy it now.

I grew up with a mum who couldn’t be arsed to do anything fun or special, not going make my kid feel that way.

This is lovely and exactly the approach I take too.
It’s lovely for it to be magical and special when they’re little but I’m not going to lie to them or try to prolong it once they’re old enough to question it (probably towards the end of primary school).

Once they’re old enough to know Father Christmas (and elves etc) aren’t real then they’re at the perfect age to start enjoying more grown-up Christmas activities and traditions (designing and decorating gingerbread houses, choosing gifts for people by themselves, going to Christmas shows etc). I remember my favourite part of Christmas when I was about 10 or 11 was being given £10 by my parents to choose items to go in a shoebox appeal (it was the 90s) so that I could be Santa for another child. The magic doesn’t end when you stop believing in Father Christmas, it just changes.

Jojofjo44 · 08/11/2023 14:31

I think that this situation can be totally avoided by my approach. A child of any age be they 5 or 50.
I always respond with "Santa/other mystical/magical object will only be around for as long as you believe in them" Then I launch into my story of the last time I had a mince pie 🥧 with Santa 🤶 🧑‍🎄 story.

Jojofjo44 · 08/11/2023 14:38

Harmonypus · 08/11/2023 13:10

As a child, my mother told me all these stupid lies, and when I discovered the truth at age 7, I HATED her for lying, so much so that I refused to speak to her for several years (yes, this is truthful, she'd always said she didn't/wouldn't lie to us kids, but she'd done just that, and lied to us all along).

I vowed that I'd never lie to my kids and my DH agreed. So, we've NEVER LIED to our kids, never told them santa/tooth fairy/easter bunny/elves etc were real, and that everything they had (sweets, clothes, toys etc), was bought by us, and that we had to work to earn the money to do so.

Then some kid in my eldest's class at school argued with him that santa was real (when he was 6) and he came home spouting this rubbish, so I took him into the city centre that weekend, and we trekked around, expecting to see a many as 5 different santas in one afternoon, so he could see that they were all different, wearing fake beards etc, and that there was no way that one of them could move from place to place when there were queues waiting to see them. He realised by the time we were in the third queue that I was right and the kid at school was wrong.

My kids are now grown adults and have said that if they ever have kids they will also tell them the truth, and not lie about something that can do easily be disproved.

This is such a negative and soulless view though. A world without the possibility of Santa, Elves, Fairies and other Fae folk is a desperately sad one.
Remember, just because you haven't experienced it doesn't make it fake.
Also: I'm interested in what you tell your children about God or other religion. We don't see those but are expected to blindly believe in them.

hologramvirus · 08/11/2023 14:46

People are confusing the joy children feel when they create their own magical worlds, with the ‘need’ for parents to lie to children.

If children have a desire to believe in magical fantasy worlds they will, and they will construct their own.

That is a whole different ball game from parents deliberately constructing lies to feed to their children. Some children are really distressed to find out the people they love and trust most have lied to them.

Children don’t need you to create magic for them. They create their own.

They just need you to be reliable adults they can trust and believe.

SillyOldBucket · 08/11/2023 15:30

I think it's us parents that are the mugs. After believing our daughters were still believing at age 10/11, they confessed that they had known since age 7/8 and that everyone at school knew. I think I was more disappointed when they stopped believing than they were when they found it was all make-believe.

Foxy1616 · 08/11/2023 17:42

If you haven’t already, you need to tell the parents ASAP – if she has younger siblings, they may be keeping the “magic” alive for them and assume that the 12-year-old knows, or they may know that she still believes and we’re hoping to get another year … either way they need to know what you said
maybe next time, maybe after you’ve spoken to the parents, you could talk to her and say that Santa chooses certain families each year to send real elf to, usually ones that need some special help that year, and other parents are asked to pretend so that their children are ready for when the real one appears … you’ve been notified by Santa that you’re not getting a real elf this year, but that your child might be old enough To start the “training” in case he can send one next year

Honeychickpea · 08/11/2023 18:14

Foxy1616 · 08/11/2023 17:42

If you haven’t already, you need to tell the parents ASAP – if she has younger siblings, they may be keeping the “magic” alive for them and assume that the 12-year-old knows, or they may know that she still believes and we’re hoping to get another year … either way they need to know what you said
maybe next time, maybe after you’ve spoken to the parents, you could talk to her and say that Santa chooses certain families each year to send real elf to, usually ones that need some special help that year, and other parents are asked to pretend so that their children are ready for when the real one appears … you’ve been notified by Santa that you’re not getting a real elf this year, but that your child might be old enough To start the “training” in case he can send one next year

I think piling more lies on top of the existing ones is not a good idea.

Doone22 · 08/11/2023 21:23

Stupid parenting to make up lies in the first place. She's going to be embarrassed and devastated when she finds put at this late age

TommyNever · 09/11/2023 01:55

A lot of people on this thread seem to think the "magic" of childhood imagination depends on children not knowing that it's really imaginary.

It's a strange notion. Do these adults not enjoy fiction unless they're persuaded that it's actually "real"?

Children can still enjoy Santa, elves, fairies and all such imaginary worlds while understanding that they are imaginary.

JoanOfAllTrades · 09/11/2023 05:10

TommyNever · 09/11/2023 01:55

A lot of people on this thread seem to think the "magic" of childhood imagination depends on children not knowing that it's really imaginary.

It's a strange notion. Do these adults not enjoy fiction unless they're persuaded that it's actually "real"?

Children can still enjoy Santa, elves, fairies and all such imaginary worlds while understanding that they are imaginary.

Absolutely! As can adults! Or is that a bit too immature? Some of the comments on this thread are unbelievable! What’s wrong with a bit of magic? Or should we just dwell on harsh realities and tell our kids that they need to wash cars to help with the bills?

GirlyHR · 09/11/2023 07:37

It is unreasonable to assume anyone of any age doesn't believe! It's better to be a bit bonkers and behave as if you believe than be a joy stealer! Believing is magical and wonderful, telling someone that it's not real is sad!

cazcaz2 · 09/11/2023 11:33

Its always been a thing in our family that the parents/relatives buy the gifts- then santa just delivers them- so not a big del when the truth comes out- i'd heard/seen about elf on a shelf antics but didnt know about 'touching it & you lose the magic- whats that all about??

80sMum · 10/11/2023 01:44

AHelpfulHand · 05/11/2023 23:14

I do think children these days are believing in this sort of thing for a lot longer.

when I was a kid, Santa was never made a big deal, I stopped believing well before high school.

nowadays Christmas is a lot more extravagant. Santas grottos all over the place, extravagant Christmas events, elf on the shelf etc.

which is all nice etc but it does mean children are believing a lot longer than years ago.

in dds class (year 6) loads still believe in Father Christmas

Yes, I agree. When I was a child, the vast majority of us had stopped believing in Father Christmas by the time we left infants school.

About the age of 6 or 7 is when most children start to ask questions and want to know what's real and what is fantasy.

80sMum · 10/11/2023 01:50

Foxy1616 · 08/11/2023 17:42

If you haven’t already, you need to tell the parents ASAP – if she has younger siblings, they may be keeping the “magic” alive for them and assume that the 12-year-old knows, or they may know that she still believes and we’re hoping to get another year … either way they need to know what you said
maybe next time, maybe after you’ve spoken to the parents, you could talk to her and say that Santa chooses certain families each year to send real elf to, usually ones that need some special help that year, and other parents are asked to pretend so that their children are ready for when the real one appears … you’ve been notified by Santa that you’re not getting a real elf this year, but that your child might be old enough To start the “training” in case he can send one next year

How utterly ridiculous! 🤣🤣🤣
You're surely not seriously suggesting this? The child is 12 years old, not a toddler!

Mrsklee69 · 10/11/2023 19:07

Yanbu but its a real shame, I believe all kids have the right to be kids for as long as we keep them that way. My 2 kids are HS age but they still expect the elves to come regardless and are sad if I forget and ask why they haven't been!! And I would have kept santa a secret forever if I could to keep that magic and spark there.

WhosAfraidOfVirginalWolves · 13/11/2023 16:30

Jojofjo44 · 08/11/2023 14:38

This is such a negative and soulless view though. A world without the possibility of Santa, Elves, Fairies and other Fae folk is a desperately sad one.
Remember, just because you haven't experienced it doesn't make it fake.
Also: I'm interested in what you tell your children about God or other religion. We don't see those but are expected to blindly believe in them.

Show quote history

Unless you bring your children up within an organised religion (and even then, a lot of religious people are quite happy for their children to make their own mind up), they really aren't expected to blindly believe in God.
It will vary massively by country, obviously, but most children in the UK today aren't brought up to believe in God in any meaningful way.

That said, the post you were responding to is quite bizarre in its extremity.