12 year old still believing the Christmas elves are real

[Diggingmyselfahole]

I feel really bad as I think I ruined one of my pupils Christmas experience the other day.
I tutor a 12 year old girl. As we were packing up for the end of the lesson, she asked me about Christmas and if my Dd was excited, just general Christmas chit chat. I told her yes and that I might start the elves this year but I don’t know if I’ll remember to change the silly thing they’re doing each morning etc. She looked a bit strange then said were they fake elves I was talking about as her mum didn’t move them etc, she looked a bit embarrassed then explained it away that there are some that are real and some that are fake and sort of asked me if that was true? It then dawned on me that she still believed in her parents doing the elves 😳and I felt really bad. I don’t know, by high school, I was getting up to all sorts of naughty things with my pals, I realise all kids are different and it’s great she’s more innocent
Felt really bad, but Aibu to have assumed by 12 she wouldn’t believe in all that still?

How can you compare santa with religion it’s ridiculous where’s all the fun its about being magical like reading a fairytale book its healthy for kids to have a great imagination they can loose thereselves in there fantasy
also i think you will find yes kids do know by the age of ten eleven twelve but they want to keep the magic alive its fun where has your sense of fun gone xxx

I've learned to preface comments on MN with "unless ND" because the ensuing comments will certainly remind me otherwise. I have no experience with ND and am more than happy to be shot done in flames for misusing the word. It's just that I've learned that to not use it takes the topic in hand down a rabbit hole.

I don't know why you think I'm assuming that anybody who is ND must be like my daughter? That's ridiculous.

I'm simply saying that not every child who is ND is less capable than their NT peers, as that's the shorthand I see on here all the time: "assuming no ND".

I get what you're saying and can understand now why people do it to avoid backlash...it just feels like it lumps all ND children together as being less capable than their NT peers, does that make sense?

Wait, this is weird. I can understand that young children buy into the 'magic' and believe in Father Christmas and elves that they never see. But you're telling me this child actually believes that the cheap plastic posable 'elf on the shelf' things are actual real elves that come to life when they aren't looking? That's just bizarre!

I'd expect my seven year old to understand this was a game played with a toy. I'm incredulous that an NT twelve-year-old would actually believe this. Are you sure she wasn't winding you up?

I'm interested to know if the believers get ridiculed for it, as that's what a lot of posters tend to say

I feel really bad for these kids who are essentially forced to be babies because of their parent’s lack of ability to let go. I’d always assume a secondary aged child knows elves and Santa aren’t real unless there was a learning difficulty there

I'm autistic and very naive/gullible/easily manipulated. I'm gullible in that I tend to take people at face value because I don't lie, so it rarely occurs to me that someone else might.

However, that doesn't mean I have zero critical thinking skills. I figured out that Santa wasn't real when I was about 5. Apparently I started asking questions and dissecting my mum's answers (how does he get down the chimney if we have an electric fire? If he has a magic key to get into houses with no fireplace, what if you left the chain on the front door?). After I finished my analysis, I concluded that I didn't believe her 😅

OTOH, my friend had to break the news to her (NT) son before he started secondary school because she was worried he'd be laughed at.

I understand what people are trying to say when they use the "assuming no ND" disclaimer but it misses the mark.

I don't think it should even be mentioned, but understand why people are saying it as lots of people tend to say that.

There are lots of reasons why a child may or may not believe, but it really isn't anyone's business and I always find people tend to get really superior about it. Like the OP with her running off with boys and smoking and drinking, as if that's what all 12 years old should be aspiring to 🙄

I think that it would be better for everyone if we acknowledged that as individuals we are programmed to act according to the " norm" and not the exception to the rule.

So, if in 2023 the general public, so not just parents of similar age children, presume that by a certain age, say end of primary, children don't believe in magic, then that's how children will be treated generally.

Obviously if we come across an exception to the general rule, we are more likely to change our view, and possibly adjust our behaviour slightly, but we don't need to feel awful because we are programmed to behave in this way.

It's just not realistic to expect people to individualise every person they meet. We can't run through every possibility before interacting with people.
Once we meet a specific 12 year old who believes in magic we might think twice before mentioning it to another child of a similar age, but would wouldn't include an even older child for example.

As society changes we change our expectations, but we can't just jump ahead and include exceptions to the rule.

Where I live practically all children are out of nappies by the time they are 3. In the Uk it doesn't seem to be the case now. I understand these norms and expect different things in different places.

My dd is 12, she still believes (with a little questioning here and there),loves hello kitty and stuffed toys,she also loves make up, skin care, hanging out with her friends and can travel Independently into town, some kids believe longer, doesn't mean they're young for their age or have additional needs.

Ridiculous parents to let her go to high school believing
my friends daughter believed in the elf at 12 too, I advised my friend to tell her as it was time, she refused. Girl went to school and excitedly told her class the elf had arrived, she got roasted, and ended up being sent home as she was so upset and embarrassed.

Does she really believe, or just enjoy playing the game? Because I'm 42, and I've never admitted to my mum in so many words that I don't believe in Father Christmas (nor she to me!).

Aww bless her. I think in away you have done her a kindness, as would have been worse if she had said that at school. Maybe speak to her parents and explain.

@CasperGutman I would prefer if she was pretending, I hope she is 😂 in the summer I tried telling her, but she said she didn't want to know, so it was vague, but** I felt she did know, but as its got into November, she's happily going on about the elves and santa (some of her friends say it's made up, some fully believe )

1977 was the year and had just eeked the truth out of my grandfather that Santa wasn't real. I walked into school the next morning with a Liam Gallagher swagger and told all my classmates that the fat man was a lie and it was their parents who bought them their presents.

1977 was also the year I learned what a homosexual was which again, I duly advised all the kids in my class what a homesexal was. It was a big year for Fanny

Get your kid an elf! How mean!

I’m a high school teacher and sometimes pretend santa is still real with the year 7s. They usually role their eyes at me and make it clear that they know! If they didn’t know the other kids would surely tell them!
Is she home schooled as you tutor her? Maybe hasn’t been exposed to that.
From year 9 onwards I would definitely talk about hiding presents for my kids etc.

It is not mean!
This is a tradition I am well and truly avoiding! As if I don’t have enough to do!
My friend who does it starts writing down ideas and buying props in August. It’s so much stress on parents.

Coming across weird and with issues yourself tbf

It’s fun, honestly, my daughter is 7 and the whole class have elves! I really couldn’t imagine excluding her from that because I couldn’t be bothered to move a toy once a day.

No, I have to disagree with the majority. I think YABU, though I acknowledge it was an honest slip-up on your part and not malicious at all.

I believe in letting kids believe in magic as long as they damn well please; it's good for their imaginations and adds a sparkle to Christmas they can only have once in their lives... My parents NEVER told me "Santa isn't real", even to this day.

My friend who does it starts writing down ideas and buying props in August. It’s so much stress on parents.

That's insanity though. It doesn't have to be a big production at all, it's only as much stress as you want to make it.

Not that I'm advocating anyone does it if they don't want to, I'm not at all. But your friend is an outlier.

Aww bless them 😭❤️

icelandic elves

Wait. Is this something I'm going to regret googling? I still never quite recovered from sootikin and blue waffle