12 year old still believing the Christmas elves are real

[Diggingmyselfahole]

I feel really bad as I think I ruined one of my pupils Christmas experience the other day.
I tutor a 12 year old girl. As we were packing up for the end of the lesson, she asked me about Christmas and if my Dd was excited, just general Christmas chit chat. I told her yes and that I might start the elves this year but I don’t know if I’ll remember to change the silly thing they’re doing each morning etc. She looked a bit strange then said were they fake elves I was talking about as her mum didn’t move them etc, she looked a bit embarrassed then explained it away that there are some that are real and some that are fake and sort of asked me if that was true? It then dawned on me that she still believed in her parents doing the elves 😳and I felt really bad. I don’t know, by high school, I was getting up to all sorts of naughty things with my pals, I realise all kids are different and it’s great she’s more innocent
Felt really bad, but Aibu to have assumed by 12 she wouldn’t believe in all that still?

I think it’s sadistic to teach any child that elves are real and that a fat old man sneaks into their bedroom while they sleep. Ridiculous and gives kids weird issues

We never told our two boys that Santa didn't exist, they worked it out themselves.

They still have the "Santa please stop here for xxxx" signs up in the front garden on Xmas Eve. They are 21 and 16 and have no weird issues whatsoever. To them it's just a bit of giggle and something that's been done for years.

Not causing anyone any harm and if anyone took the piss out of them, they'd more than likely tell them to piss off.

Why would you allow your daughter to be a subject of ridicule?

I have nothing against the idea of Father Christmas, or even elves and I think it is a nice thing for younger children. But it is weird for an 11 year old.

Have you thought about telling her before her peers rip her to shreds about it at school? I'm sure you don't want her to be the laughing stock of an entire year group?

Things creeping about the house in the night are the stuff of nightmares imo!

The R Whites advert must have been traumatic for you!!

I'm here to blow the 'only if your child is ND' myth away, DC 1 (NT) was in yr 7 before she had an inkling, there were only 2 believers in her class, (a teacher asked who still believed!) she was very upset by the concept. I didn't want to deal with the fall out just before Christmas so told her we'd discuss properly in the summer. We did so, she was really upset, I think that the seeds of doubt had already been there, she just didn't want it to not be true. Happy now and enjoying looking at Christmas in a different way this year.

Had the same conversation with DC 2 the same day (ND) as I didn't want him to get caught out in a similar way as he was about to start year 7. He looked at me in a very grown up way when I asked him his thoughts and said 'well I'd love it to be true, but it would have to be some kind of miracle wouldn't it,' and has enjoyed making Santa (wink wink nudge nudge) remarks ever since.

DC 3 (NT) still a firm believer at 10.
Make of that what you will.

Never did elves though, and always told them store Santas etc were people pretending for the fun of it.

I’m a believer and I’m 58 !!! Never had that conversation with my parents and I never had it with my children either . It’s magical and innocent why not hang onto the idea that is so nice . There is so much sadness in the world let’s all believe in the spirit of Christmas

Not exactly a nutty concept that a child wants Christmas to feel magical. Like I said, I’m sure she already has an inkling but is choosing to ignore it because it makes Christmas feel more special. I’m sure kids at school have been loudly announcing they know it’s not real longggg before year 7, so can’t imagine she skips into school each morning singing jingle bells and professing her love of Santa. More likely she just plays it cool whenever friends have been discussing it, or just flat out doesn’t engage in the conversation…

We can continue the ‘Santa’ thing right into her adulthood for all I care, it can just naturally slip into something she knows but we don’t ever have to discuss. Or if she asks for that confirmation, I would give it to her.

@Disturbia81 Its much better she’s like this than how my friends and I were at her age! But, no, not doing heroin 🥺or anything like that…just moving towards boys, experimenting with smoking and booze not long after etc

@FirstFallopians No I meant sex, older boyfriends, booze, smoking, anti social behaviour etc
12 year olds should still be innocent. Some grow up too quick.. they have their whole life for the other stuff

Gaslighting? 🤣🤣🤣 That is just a tad overdramatic.

I never once felt I’d been ‘lied to’ and the thought of Father Christmas coming was the most exciting thing ever. I used to try to keep awake so I could see him. I’ll be forever grateful to my parents for enabling that magic, particularly when they were invariably skint, so filling those bulging stockings for us kids to find in the morning was just another expense they could have done without.

I really feel for the kids when the find out it's not real and society has been gaslighting them.

Right, I'm taking this up with my mother and demand she apologise for "gaslighting" me for all those years.

I'll book therapy too, at her expense.

They'll be fine.

We did same as @Froooty suggested - "people believe different things", respect them all and walk away from any conversations round what people do and don't believe. Quite an important conversation to have anyway as they will all know someone from a different religion to themselves.

I'm with @thunderandsunshine01 , sometimes they want to cling onto it a bit and not confirming either way gives them the grace to do that. At 12 they will be well aware that some peers don't believe.

I didn't tell my older 3, none of them believed by the time they went to secondary school anyway

Ds4 is ND and seems to still believe at 10, if he doesn't bring it up before I'll tell him next year before he moves up to secondary

So far no one has been traumatised by the lie

I kept it going too long. There was a lovely moment when my DC, aged 11 and 12, took me quietly into the living room, when all the decs were up, and gently informed me that Santa wasn't real. They had found out at school a year ago but knew I still believed and hadn't told me as they didn't want to spoil Christmas!

Not at all unreasonable for a child of any age.

I know some adults who believe similar things. Lots of them, actually.

Some elderly people I know even have a special building where they meet and pretend to talk to a baby they believe grew up, died, and then came back to life. They think they'll live forever if they just get into contact telepathically with this baby (who is still alive, although invisible) and do what it tells them inside their head.

Others, with a different building, meet there and separate men and women while they have a good wash, stretch out on the floor, and do the telepathic contact thing. (Though not with the same dead-and-alive baby, obvs.) Some of these people wear special clothes so other people know they believe what they do. (Well some of the women do, anyway; I'm not sure why they have different rules for men and women.)

Some of these people have special meetings in their special buildings at Christmas, some at other times of the year, where they sing special songs and generally have a really nice time. (And they have special books and other things, too.)

No harm done, as long as they don't go trying to kill people who don't believe the same as them. (Which obviously could never happen ... Oh, erh, wait ...)

And yet generations of kids have grown up.without any issues who believed in Santa as children.

YANBU.

While I agree that this must be awful for those children, and do think you've raised a good point, I don't agree that others shouldn't celebrate FC for this reason. If we all matched our lives and experiences to those who were much worse off than us, it'd be a pretty miserable experience for everyone, wouldn't it?

OP, don't feel bad, it's not an unreasonable assumption, and it could be worse.
When my DS was at secondary school, his headteacher was giving a whole-school assembly during the run up to Christmas, and announced to everyone as part of his speech that Santa doesn't exist. He just assumed that all the students knew this. The whole school went 'Ooooh', a few year 7s looked shocked, and the headteacher tried to furiously back pedal, but the damage was done.

It really doesn't. Children have grown up over countless generations believing in Father Christmas and the tooth fairy.

Awwww 😂

YANBU as others have said assuming no ND or learning disability issues.

i can’t stand parents like this, “keeping the magic” going for themselves without any thought about the ridicule the poor kids will face. I told mine about Santa when they were in p6 which I felt was old enough given they’d been querying it anyway. Kids need to grow up.

I didn't still believe at 12, but neither was I getting up to 'all sorts of naughty things' with my pals 🙄 sorry but that isn't normal either

This

i was a cynical little bitch mind you, but there’s no way on this earth I’d have believed in elves. My mum thinks I never even really believed in Santa.