12 year old still believing the Christmas elves are real

[Diggingmyselfahole]

I feel really bad as I think I ruined one of my pupils Christmas experience the other day.
I tutor a 12 year old girl. As we were packing up for the end of the lesson, she asked me about Christmas and if my Dd was excited, just general Christmas chit chat. I told her yes and that I might start the elves this year but I don’t know if I’ll remember to change the silly thing they’re doing each morning etc. She looked a bit strange then said were they fake elves I was talking about as her mum didn’t move them etc, she looked a bit embarrassed then explained it away that there are some that are real and some that are fake and sort of asked me if that was true? It then dawned on me that she still believed in her parents doing the elves 😳and I felt really bad. I don’t know, by high school, I was getting up to all sorts of naughty things with my pals, I realise all kids are different and it’s great she’s more innocent
Felt really bad, but Aibu to have assumed by 12 she wouldn’t believe in all that still?

My 12 & 11 year olds believe in Santa & the EotS and as far as I can tell so do their mates.
highly intelligent but somewhat sheltered and not streetwise kids. Just children basically. Who happen to be 12

I'd expect a child in secondary school to know it isn't real

And they do, definitely believe, they’re not playing, and I do think YABU. I’d be so sad if an adult spoilt it for them. Totally understand kids realising and finding out. But mine haven’t yet (nor have their mates)

I have a friend whose daughter was 13 and still believed, NT and she Really believed. After the holiday they finally told her and she bawled. My own ds found out at 5 by some kid at school so of course I told him the truth, to which he said he never really believed anyway. I did tell him though not to tell anyone at school!

I was amazed the other week that my, very street smart, top of the class, nearly nine year old GC believed in the tooth fairy. I found out because we lost her tooth. I think by secondary they should have worked it out, but it's best to not slip up just in case.

Amen. I’m not touching the fucking elf with a barge pole. I like to be lightly pissed throughout December and therefore it is bound to be forgotten one night.

I could tell them that the Nest thermostats are Santa-Cams, so we don’t need a stupid elf, who’s rubbish at his or her job anyway and just makes a bloody mess.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that, David…”

I do like that the fantasy is flexible enough to withstand some questioning when they are little though - I thought it was all over not long after DD started school as another family were Jehovah’s and their son confidently told all kids that FC wasn’t real. I hurriedly went down the road of ‘well FC is very kind and respectful of everyone’s different beliefs, so OF COURSE he doesn’t visit little Timmy Doodah because his family don’t celebrate Christmas, like lots of people don’t. And that’s lucky as it makes it easier to deliver all those presents in one night if he doesn’t have to stop everywhere!’ Seemed to get away with it!! The Easter Bunny is where I struggle - it never occurred to me that that was ever a thing (certainly wasn’t in the 80s!) but my daughter was horrified when I said I’d put all the eggs in the garden. I’m still not sure where I stand with that bunny - am I him?! I’m still confused 😫🐰

More fool anyone doing elf on the shelf. If you want to make family Christmas traditions, don’t make one which creates shit loads of work and is rooted in competitive parenting!

Nah. I'm not buying into that shite. The whole thing's weird.

My mum's response to someone at school telling me Santa wasn't real because she'd caught her parents putting the present in her stocking was "Friend was obviously so naughty that Santa didn't go to her that year, and her parents didn't want to disappoint her!" At the time, it was easier to just play along with it to keep the peace for another couple of years, and it was ages before I admitted that I'd actually already twigged anyway because I'd caught on to the fact that Santa bought the same wrapping paper as my parents every year. I was about 8 at the time of the original conversation, and 10 when I was open about not believing, although I did still have to go through the motions for another year as we were spending that Christmas with my cousin who was 6 at the time and still did believe.

My other cousin had started year 7 that year, and when my mum asked his mum if he still believed, she said he did. At the time, ten year old me thought it was hilarious that he'd got as far as secondary school and still believed (although I didn't take the piss to his face). Years later, I started suspecting that he probably did know by that time and was just playing along. Having said that, the subject came up at work a few years back and my ex-manager said she'd sat one of her sons down and told him before he started secondary rather than have him find out from his friends.

I only realised this week that children actually believe in elf on the shelf - I always thought it was just a bit of fun putting it in funny places. But can anyone enlighten me - do they literally believe the doll is real?? As in, living and breathing? I do have a particularly cynical child but beyond the age of 3 or 4 I just can't imagine he would have bought this!

Couldn't agree more. Christmas is so magical when little ones believe. It's lovely still when after then but it's dufferent. I miss the reindeer food sprinkling, writing letters to Santa, the north pole video messages, putting food out for Santa etc etc. It just hits differently with little believers.

12? Nah. The child is having a joke with you!

ND does not equate to stupid, or slow. You should have said you were defo mean the fake elves-maybe asked her mum how to get the REAL elves to come to yours...maybe shes just still sold on the whole magical aspect ..n thats ok
to be clear-by 12 /13 i could skin up-my magic went a different route but if you think its easier to question her spectrum scale than deal with the fact you shat in her teapot on ya go

What I find weird is that we are so hung up on Santa being "REAL", and maybe the tooth fairy, and yet kids pretend play all the time. Do their teddies really walk and talk? Do their dollies poop, cry, and eat? Do action figures fight or chase, or Lego figures drive cars, climb stairs or swim? No, and as soon as the kids recognise they are a lump of plastic, do we cause drama? No, the truth is that kids pretend play all the time, and they don't usually "get to an age" where they want to throw out all their human-like toys because they aren't "real". Yet with Santa there is pressure to "believe", to think it's "real", to maybe not let on you know he isn't "real" in case your parents are upset, or your little sibling finds out. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's bad or that parents are bad for not "telling" their kids. I just think it's odd that we accept so much pretend play and so do our kids, and yet we are so hung up about how they must believe in real Santa!

I agree. I don’t do it with my 8yo.

its weird for the kids to feel they’re being watched by an elf who is going to report back to Santa on any bad behaviour. While usually displaying bad behaviour if any of the photos people insist of uploading daily onto Facebook are to go by.

I just told my child that Santa said she doesn’t need an elf because he already knows she’s good and she doesn’t need to be watched all day to make sure. She was quite happy with this. She believes firmly in Santa but I doubt she’d believe a toy elf actually moves itself around a house anyway. Most kids wouldn’t once they’re in key stage 2 I would imagine

Exactly @stichguru it is a bit odd isn't it? Maybe it is because we expect Christmas to feel a bit special and magical rather than those other pretend games which are very much the stuff of everyday life, perhaps?

Yikes. Not cute.

Bet the family doesn’t do religion or anything similar. People who don’t believe in something will believe in anything - in this case, max consumerism.

Infant naivety just isn’t sweet when DC are growing breasts and stubble. Poor girl.

This sounds VERY like the Daughter of someone I know. Catholic school in Warrington? You weren't being unreasonable to assume, because 99% of 12 year olds know, you've just unfortunately (for her) got a VERY enmeshed child in your class. She'll end up being mortified when she realises how long the pretence has gone on for.

I disagree. I think children nowadays pretend to believe in Santa, elves etc because they can see how over invested their parents are in the whole bull. They have actually known the truth from around six.

One of my children told me that at age 14 she secretly believed in Father Christmas because she knew we didn't have much money so we couldn't possibly afford all the presents!

I have no Idea of my 12 year old still believes, she says she does, but I think that's because she wants the magic to last longer. She was thrown in to a world (like every child) where things changed so much, COVID lock down, social media, the need to impress Impress. She is growing up fast but sometimes I think Christmas magic is a part of her that she isn't ready to give up yet. Its not up to any adult to take that away from anyone. Maybe take this a ls a lesson, and treat more careful next time.

My kids always knew the Santa visiting us (my dad) wasn’t real, but that there might be a real one. My dad fell ill when my youngest was 19, and my son sneaked in and borrowed my dad’s Santa outfit. Without telling anyone he took over the role, complete with sweets that he emptied from his big boots and asking my dad who he was because he had never seen him on Christmas day before. It was actually such a happy memory for both our parents. Magic is what you want it to be.

There is quite a lot about Christmas that many adults believe in that other people wouldn’t.

My DH and I went out one evening last December and left MiL babysitting, my 6yo DD asked her to make sure the elves did something naughty, as she’s sure mummy and daddy move it but said we wouldn’t tell her the truth. 🤣