12 year old still believing the Christmas elves are real

[Diggingmyselfahole]

I feel really bad as I think I ruined one of my pupils Christmas experience the other day.
I tutor a 12 year old girl. As we were packing up for the end of the lesson, she asked me about Christmas and if my Dd was excited, just general Christmas chit chat. I told her yes and that I might start the elves this year but I don’t know if I’ll remember to change the silly thing they’re doing each morning etc. She looked a bit strange then said were they fake elves I was talking about as her mum didn’t move them etc, she looked a bit embarrassed then explained it away that there are some that are real and some that are fake and sort of asked me if that was true? It then dawned on me that she still believed in her parents doing the elves 😳and I felt really bad. I don’t know, by high school, I was getting up to all sorts of naughty things with my pals, I realise all kids are different and it’s great she’s more innocent
Felt really bad, but Aibu to have assumed by 12 she wouldn’t believe in all that still?

I basically made it my mission to catch my parents out - at a much younger age! I think I had my suspicions at about 5.

I would definitely assume at that age she’d know, while I agree about the magic for younger kids I do think it veers into a somewhat weird lie if it goes on that long. I feel a bit torn generally about these pretences to our children tbh, such as pretending dressed up characters are real… they often suspect that they’re not and we as parents are telling them not to believe their eyes. And navigating what different parents have told their children Santa does/doesn’t do can be a bit of a minefield (thinking of my friend who drew the ire of other parents for getting her child a pet at Christmas because they’d all told their kids Santa didn’t do live animals… 😂)

What on earth is this elf thing? I’ve never heard of it. I was born in 1987 and now have a 3 yr DS and a 1 yr DD. Am I expected to buy elves? What do I do with them?

I don't really approve of this elf on the shelf business.

I wouldn't feel guilty/worry too much about what you said - the fact that she already has an explanation worked out about real and fake elves most likely means she's already been told/run across instances where it was clear that parents were manipulating the elves. If she's not ready to accept/admit there are no elves at all, she'd probably remain convinced that HER elves are real and you just don't know what you're talking about even if you'd insisted on "no such thing as elves !!".

(Of course, there are also cases of older children knowing the truth and pretending they still "believe" because they think that's the way to more/better presents ...)

Grandchildren figured it all out by the age of 7 that elf, Santa, tooth fairy, Easter bunny was all fake!
surly by school year 5/6 there’s not many who believe!!

You buy an elf. You tell your kid it watches them and reports back to Santa on their behaviour. You then spend every night putting elf into a new naughty scene (ie it’s made a mess of the toilet roll or it’s got out the food from the cupboard). Every morning your kids see the elf in a new place.
repeat every year until kid does not believe in elf.

i don’t do it. I think it’s a weird concept.

My DS (almost 8) still believes in the tooth fairy and Santa. My DD (10) has cottoned on that the tooth fairy isn't really, but keeps up the pretense for DS. She still believes in Santa. If she gets to next Christmas still believing, I'll make a note to have a chat with her before high school. She's being investigated for ND.

I think she's had a good run of believing which is nice. I was devastated when at 7, I realised my dad had the same handwriting as Santa and asked him. Learning the truth on Christmas Day was shit. He could have made something up. To my credit, it didn't occur to me to tell my twin sister. She got a few more years.

I never bothered with 'doing' Elf on the Shelf. What a pain in the bum. My dad bought one for us unasked. Luckily the kids were young and didn't know anything about what you're supposed to do with it. It sits on the shelf all December. The clue's in the name.

Oh ffs

This thread is making me kind of sad and looking longingly back to the days when my girls believed.
They are 18 & 22 now so it's way in our distant past.
But we still leave out whisky for Santa and a carrot for Rudolph because they turn into little kids and a little part of them still believes in the magic of Christmas.
Just like I still cosy up with them both underneath the covers and read the same copy of 'the night before Christmas' my late Dad bought when they were just babies.
Unfortunately I'm the only one now who tracks Santa's progress on NORAD. They think im crazy when I give them excited updates

@Hotchocolatemousse Santa wasn't a myth tho....what we do now is based on something that someone done in Turkey years and years ago in a small villiage. It kinda caught on from that.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TheElffontheeShelf

It's a marketing ploy morphed into a fake 'tradition', I think.
Glad my kid was too old by the time the book was published and the idea came over here.
We didn't tell her Santa was snooping on who has been 'naughty or nice' either. Not quite sure why that's supposed to be a nice part of the 'magic' tbh.

Just another superstition, this one for the 'doing it for likes' generation. I've never bothered with Christmas "traditions" nor pandered to what others choose to believe in. Much like religion, I'm not expected to believe in other people's beliefs or say anything in support of them. Religious people don't seem bothered that I don't act as though their God is real. Children seem to cope just fine that I don't hold their beliefs

Tbh I think this whenever any parent claims their child actually still believes past around age 7. They are pretending. It's the parents who need to 'believe' as they can't let go.

My dd has never done it - her dcs are 3.5, 7 and 8.

AFAIK they haven’t ‘suffered’ at all, or asked why the elves are leaving them out.
They still believe in Father Christmas though, and they do plenty of other Christmassy stuff.

Elf on the shelf was sprung on me unknowingly when my dd1 was 3. So about 13 years ago and it was relatively unheard of in Ireland at the time. Arrived in the post from our American relatives as a surprise for my dd. Thought it was lovely played along with great enthusiasm....fast forward 13 years it's still coming on Dec 1st like clockwork enthusiasm wanted long long time ago. Dd3 11 just about believes (she's 2 more years of primary school in Ireland) she has started telling me she hopes the eld will be back on Dec 1st I'm thinking it's pretty much a reminder to me 🤣. Older dd1 (16) and dd2 (13) have lost interest long ago in helping me move the thing.

If you've young kids my advice is don't do it!! Santa coming on Christmas Eve is magic enough

This, and Thank You @Ella31!

We never did elf on the shelf in our house as this wasn't a thing when my kids were young, but I'm surprised that a 12 year old would believe this is real so, no, YANBU. I think my DDs started questioning if Santa was real around the age of 10. They certainly knew he wasn't real by the time they started senior school, even my younger DD, who was very young for her age. You've probably done her a favour letting it slip now, rather than risking her peers finding out about it and then ridiculing her. Don't beat yourself up over it; she was going to find out sooner or later.

Do agree that before secondary is the cut off point.

I 100% believed right up until the end of primary...so got 10 Christmases which were absolutely magical. I remember half-heartedly asking my mum if Santa was real (i was prompted to do this after a friend at school had denied his existence, and told me to look it up in the dictionary which didn't have any effect as it just referenced St Nicholas, gift giver)...and when she smiled and said no I couldn't believe it. Was completely shocked (I can still picture her telling me to this day..she was stood halfway up the stairs). Feel so lucky to have had the excitement of getting up all those Christmas mornings (and the writing letters in the weeks prior). Seeing films like Arthur Christmas just brings all the wonderful memories back.

I think it's quite charming that she still believes in it. 12 year olds differ immensely and there is no rush to grow up, and there should be no pressure to "put away childish things", you spend most of your life as a adult.

DD is 14 and was like a (5'9") kid in a woman's body when she was 12, not ready for being a teenager in many ways, but she has grown into herself a bit now. She still likes the computer games she was playing aged 10+. DD1 was the opposite - looked like a little kid but very grown up in her head.

Wait, what!?!?

You mean that elves, fairies, tooth fairies and Santa aren’t real?

Bloody hell, I was looking forward to all the money I would get once I needed dentures 😞😞😞

Awww. I can relate to him. I must have been 11 as I'd already had my 10th Christmas believing. I framed the question..Santa's not real isn't he not? And when my mum smiled and said no I was like whattt? I was more looking for confirmation from her that he WAS real..and I'd have gone about my day with that happy thought. Do remember just smiling though as reality dawned on me. It was a gentle way of finding out and the magical memories of Santa stay with you.

There are plenty of ways to make/keep the season magical even when the kids have figured it out. My 6 yr old was worked it out, I suspect my 4 year old is about to! Older ds figured it out by about aged 6 too.

Plenty of other "magic" stuff and ways to make it special - connecting with friends and family, special food, the blissful feeling of everything just stopping.

And yes yes to breaking the disconnect between behaviour and gifts while they do still believe.

Yes it was my younger dd who had to enlighten her older sister. Some kids just like believing whereas others like to question!

My bil’s dsis has Down’s syndrome. She’s an adult and believes firmly in Santa. We have to be very careful that the dc don’t spoil the magic for her.
Tbf they’re all very good and enjoy her excitement I think.

We made the mistake of letting it drag out too long. My eldest demanded to know when she was about 11 as she needed to know if she has to fill her own stocking when she’s grown up and was fine when I told her.
my youngest was just finishing primary school and she brought it up in the summer holidays. I decided to come clean and she was devastated. She laid on the floor listening to Charlie Brown Christmas on the record player all afternoon crying.

I think you did her and her parents a favour. She would find out soon enough and better from an adult than being ridiculed in school.