12 year old still believing the Christmas elves are real

[Diggingmyselfahole]

I feel really bad as I think I ruined one of my pupils Christmas experience the other day.
I tutor a 12 year old girl. As we were packing up for the end of the lesson, she asked me about Christmas and if my Dd was excited, just general Christmas chit chat. I told her yes and that I might start the elves this year but I don’t know if I’ll remember to change the silly thing they’re doing each morning etc. She looked a bit strange then said were they fake elves I was talking about as her mum didn’t move them etc, she looked a bit embarrassed then explained it away that there are some that are real and some that are fake and sort of asked me if that was true? It then dawned on me that she still believed in her parents doing the elves 😳and I felt really bad. I don’t know, by high school, I was getting up to all sorts of naughty things with my pals, I realise all kids are different and it’s great she’s more innocent
Felt really bad, but Aibu to have assumed by 12 she wouldn’t believe in all that still?

Would you agree that we should disconnect the 'only good children get a visit from Santa' from the who magical event.

Fucking hell, please tell her a) before the Christmas season and b) before she faces finding out in front of her peers.

Keeping the magic alive? Ffs.

I think you need to go easier on yourself.

There was a huge potential for her to have found out in a much more upsetting way as opposed to a passing comment from a trusted adult who cares about her (albeit in a professional capacity).

You've probably saved her from the sniggers and judgement from her peers.

I never had elf on a shelf (too old) and although I got "Santa", for my eldest two I made sure he was a minor figure. After all, I'm the one who loves them and chose out what they got. At about age 9 or 10 both kids asked me (one by one) and each one was told the truth, with a reassurance that now that they are on the "grown up team" so it's part of their job not to spoil it for younger kids. They thought this was great.

A lady I know whose kid is a little bit younger, kid asked her one day if Santa is real. The mum said: Well some people believe, and some people do other things instead. The child accepted this 100% since her father only did Hanukkah and they attended Diwali celebrations with a family friend, so it was clearly true. And because she believed it, she couldn't spoil it for any other kids, she'd just tell them the same thing!

I thought this was fabulous and I'm going to use it for my DD3 due in the next few weeks. Diwali, menorah, solstice, King's Speech, board games, special dinners? Sure. But not £500 piles of gift wrapped plastic shit that gets thrown around the living room then ignored after Boxing Day and not an irritating little arsehole elf in a stupid pose which I forget to move every second night 😂

I can’t believe any parent would let their kids go to big school without telling them. Mine were older believers but no way would I have risked them being bullied at secondary for it so I told them before.

As for those stupid elves I don’t understand how an older child can believe they’re real anyway, I mean at least Father Christmas is just in their imagination not actually sitting there looking like a stuffed doll 🧐

What do you mean you were upto all sorts of naughty shit aged 12!? I think her believing in that and keeping some innocence is far, far preferable to whatever you were doing at a very young age..

We must be reading a different post, because when I saw OP refer to being “naughty” as a 12 year old I imagined some prank calls or maybe a first kiss, you seem to have jumped straight to assuming she was dealing crack?

I've never shared any questioning of Santa with my teens. They both know, and they know I know they know, but we maintain it as a kind of in-joke.

I am surprised at a 12 year old still believing in elves, but I still wouldn't "break character" on it with them. Or I think I wouldn't anyway - sometimes my mouth runs away before my brain gets a look in.

@Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong “made a fool out of him” is a bit harsh - I think it’s lovely to keep the innocence and magic going as long as possible. They’re not necessarily going to go and talk about it at school.

Most kids know and it's not surprising you didn't think otherwise. BUT...

DS has ASD and ADHD. He goes to mainstream school and mixes with normal kids. He seems pretty 'normal' to most people. He has a NT twin sister. For years we did the usual pretence about Father Christmas and the tooth fairy. Assumed they would talk at school and realise stuff as the years went by....

DD clicked about year 5 I'd think, but we all said we wouldn't spoil it for her brother. I did assume that secondary school would make things obvious, and I was worried that I ought to tell him in case he got bullied. But I did think it would just come out in normal conversation. But no. DS believes what adults tell him and doesn't question stuff. And I suppose it never came up in conversation.

He lost his last baby teeth quite late. Aged about 12 I kissed him goodnight and thought I'd save the midnight creep by swapping the tooth for a pound coin as I did so. But he must have then looked for his tooth almost straight away - and found the coin! He came rushing out of the bedroom and grabbed me and started searching my pockets, said I was pranking the tooth fairy! What could I say? He found the tooth and I was caught in the act!

It was late and I was stunned so I went along with the idea of 'a prank' and swapped the coin later. But a few days later we sat down and had a chat and I told him about FC as well. He was gutted, had no idea!

I still feel mean now . But I do think there are lovely innocent children out there who don't question stuff unless more worldly friends suggest it to them?
So I would say to all teachers and parents, keep the magic alive as long as you can.....

Yanbu but I wouldn’t have assumed, have seen from experience some kids do believe longer than others… but if they don’t ask direct not all parents would sit em down and tell them

No it's not and no it doesn't.

I think it’s sadistic to teach any child that elves are real and that a fat old man sneaks into their bedroom while they sleep. Ridiculous and gives kids weird issues

Everyone I know believed in Santa & not one single person has weird issues as a result of it

Agree with this too. We always said that the Santas you see in malls etc were just people's dads dressed up, as the real one was obviously busy. Ditto giant bunnies running around at Easter.

There was one real FC who travelled all over the world and it wasn't magic because there is no such thing, but it was some sort of clever science. Certainly no elfs on shelfs in our house.

Although - DH used to put a haynet full of hay at the front gate, and crept out early doors to pull the hay out and make it look as though the reindeer had been eating it. Loads of fun......

My lovely 12 year old dc is young for his age (does have asd) however we sat him down the last year of primary and explained about santa etc. Bit mean to send kids to secondary school still believing imo

I don’t think I’ve ever met a single adult in my existence that has “issues” due to Santa and Elves. What an utterly ridiculous statement.

I also haven’t met a single parent who taught their children that a “fat old man” sneaks into bedrooms? That’s fairly far removed from going down a chimney, leaving gifts under a tree and flying away on a sled.

Honestly, I see these posts every single year and it bores the balls off me at this point. If you’re too lazy to do Santa/Elves etc, just admit you can’t be arsed. Rather than coming up with some holier than thou excuse as to why Santa/Elves are such awful entities. It’s incredibly disingenuous.

Yanbu but one of my children was 12 when we gently told him, not about elf on the shelf but Santa, it was just before starting secondary and we were terrified he’d be bullied in school about it but it had just drifted on over the years as out of all of our children he was so into the magic of it all! When I told him he said ‘oh I knew that’ but my god his eyes! He literally looked like I’d broken his whole life! He said he had to get something, disappeared to his room and then dh said ‘what’s wrong with ds?’ He was very quiet for a day after and we worried every time our eight year old talked about Christmas that year as he said ‘I’m finding it so hard not to tell him.’ We told our ten year old the same year, he’d been saying he didn’t believe since age 5 and he just shrugged and went about his day.

I think it’s sadistic to teach any child that elves are real and that a fat old man sneaks into their bedroom while they sleep.
Anything can be broken down to the bare bones to make it sound horrible- Santa is no more a ‘fat old man that sneaks into their bedroom’ than a birthday is ‘just another day’ , a wedding is ‘just a piece of paper’ etc. The excitement and magic of the non everyday is so important in a world that can be tough or mundane

Stayathomer, that is a brilliant post. I really dislike it when people minimise such happy events, life is short and we need to enjoy it as much as possible. Adulthood can indeed a lot of mundanity, reasons to celebrate are absolutely vital.

Well done 🙂

I've never told mine that Santa isn't real - they're 16 & 18 and I probably never will! It was obvious when they found out though - their christmas lists became a lot better with websites, prices and product numbers given to make sure that santa got it right!

Agree with PPs who say they think kids are believing longer these days. I’m not even sure why but loads of my DSs year 6 class still believed. I thought he was never going to work it out and one of them with an older sibling would put everyone right but it never happened! I decided to tell him before he started y7 but thankfully he finally asked the question himself.

It was done and dusted for me when I was about 8/9 and that was common then.

So if I didn’t have primary kids I would assume the same as you but I’ve been really surprised (and bored) how long it gets dragged out for now.

The whole issue of belief around the holidays is really rather odd. We expect children to grow out of believing in elves, FC, flying reindeer, etc, but there's no such expectation about virgin births, angels and so on. If anything, they're often expected to believe that part forever.

I can see why it's very confusing for a young person. Some might just keep believing in it wholesale because it would never occur to them.that parents, media, church and school.would all be lying. Others hold on to parts of it and some give it all up.

Oh come off it!
It's been that way for decades! No real harm!

As a child of the 70s, the Humphreys terrified me. My DC are in their early 20s so we missed out on the elf malarkey.

I didn't know that FC wasn't real (or the Humphreys) until I was about 10 and I'm still in therapy!

Things creeping about the house in the night are the stuff of nightmares imo!

That sort of age is on the cusp of believing or not. I'm late August born so it does depend on the age of the child in your class. They may be a year behind, as I was.

Sadistic? 🙄 this place gets more batshit every day.
If your child is a bully, address that ‘issue’ instead!